The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 7: It’s a Hard Knock Life

Sorry for the delay on the recap for the January 21 episode. As some of the regular readers may know, I was up in New York over the past week attending the Tough Enough 3 final with regular columnist Mike DeGeorge and my wife (and soon-to-be regular Anna Nicole Show recapper), Jill Sherman. We had a great time and you can find out all the details of the trip soon right here on RealityNewsOnline.

You can also be assured that we will be back on track for the final three episodes of Season Two in the coming weeks. Sometimes it is not easy getting the reviews in for a 10:30 at night program by the next day – especially if you have to work an 8 to 5 job – but we do the best we can.

Looking at my mail this past week about The Osbournes reviews, I am reminded that reality television is a fickle feat to watch at times. One minute you feel you can view something and get a strong conclusion as to what is really happening on the screen, the next you find that perhaps you’re being played for a sap who will believe anything.

Case in point, I received a letter this week from a guy name Travis, who mentioned that the song Jack plays on the studio in Episode Four of Season One (the ham-throwing episode) was not an Ozzy song, but something else entirely. I have to admit that I was unsure what the song was at the time and went solely with what stated in the show. According to Travis, that was incorrect, and I’m inclined to believe him (that first column I did had a couple of other errors that have bounced back to me over time). The only question is what was the song? If any readers out there know, please drop me a line, okay?

Speaking of songs, Matt Kline wrote in asking what the song was playing near the beginning of last week’s episode during the montage of the animals running around the house. It was DMX with “Who We Be” from his 2001 album, The Great Depression. Oddly enough, the emails I get the most about The Osbournes have to do with songs and lyrics. I rarely get a question about anything else. Funny that.

Onward to this week’s episode . . . or rather last week’s episode. Well, you get the idea.

The episode starts with Sharon, Ozzy, and Kelly in Sharon’s room. They are going over some photo proofs made of Kelly. Sharon is determined to find two that everyone agrees on to be used promotionally, but Kelly hates every one that Sharon thinks will work. Ozzy finds one he likes, but Sharon informs him that he has the photo upside-down. He puts down the photos as if they had the plague.

After the opening credits, the cameras return to Sharon’s room where Ozzy and Sharon are playing with a television set that rises from a bench in front of the bed, like a larger version of the one seen in the Las Vegas episode of The Anna Nicole Show. Apparently everyone is easily impressed with this type of gadget. Ozzy has Sharon make it swivel to face the other direction (which, admittedly, is a cool feature), then have it descend back into the bench again. Ozzy exclaims, “Keep it going up and down! It’s Great! It’s like the Batcave!” As he yells in joy, the set fizzles out and stops working.

Meanwhile, Kelly and Melinda are in Sharon’s office at the house, discussing Kelly’s promotional schedule. Kelly is throwing a fit, with nothing to her liking, hitting Melinda with her shirt sleeve, and just being an all-around brat. With a jump-cut, viewers are then shown Jack in the room with Melinda and Kelly, as Kelly gets off the phone to inform them all that she has to be in New York the next day to record another track for her album. When Jack asks why she doesn’t just record it in L.A., she tells him that it is because her producer is in New York. Fair enough.

Jack leaves the house to visit a band he has been working with called Delusion. He mentions that he had signed the band 18 months ago and was getting a bit edgy with their progress. According to Jack, the band has been dragging their heels on recording. The person with Jack suggests it is because the band is too busy “rolling doobies.” Jack doesn’t really argue that observation.

We next see Jack sitting in a makeshift studio with the band, listening to the demos done. You can tell who is in the band, as they are all seriously bopping their heads to the music. You can tell who the people are that are not in the band, as they quietly sit with little emotional response.

Once the music ends, the band starts hardselling Jack on the demos. Jack tries to be a good guy and play along. The band members then start teasing Jack, and at one point one of them pinches Jack’s cheek. For a second, anger flashes across Jack’s face, but he quickly recovers. He doesn’t cover up his anger so well when the band members start joking that it was Kelly that discovered them and not Jack. Jack replies with the question, “Is Kelly here now?” It is obvious that Jack means that even if Kelly was the one to see them first, it was Jack that was helping them get a record deal. The band members don’t seem to get the message, however, and continue to tease that Kelly is there behind a partition, whereupon one members starts singing, “Papa Don’t Preach.”