The Bachelorette, Episode 4: One Heck of a Birthday Present

Before we begin, I should note that thankfully I think Trista will be happy to know that her men weren't involved in bondage or foot fetish movies like a certain Joe Millionaire finalist or even that they would be concerned about their bikini lines. Something tells me that's just not something that they are going to worry their pretty little heads over. Well maybe Russ.

So we are down to four men (none of whom are the gloriously hunky Brian H.) and they are told that they are going to be taking Trista home to meet their folks. They're also told that the day they return coincides with Trista's 30th birthday and they should do the honorable thing and bring her a present. Russ has to be sitting there cursing himself saying, "Damn, if I hadn't already given her something from Tiffany's (or at least something she thinks is from Tiffany's) then I would be set."

Pause the VCR for a moment. Need to go get the champagne and get settled in. It's gonna be a long night.

Now before we go any farther, let me just say that I'm just a little upset at the way they are opening this show. When the show is just The Bachelor they talk about the women going home broken-hearted. The men on The Bachelorette though go home with their ego "shattered." What's the deal with that ABC? Can't men go home broken-hearted too? Do women not have their egos shattered as well? Is this just the polite way of putting it so the men don't come off as complete dorks? I mean really now.

Charlie is happy to be taking Trista home to meet his family because it will help to "solidify" her feelings towards him, etc. All I gotta say is that I am so not digging the flip flops with the khaki pants and long sleeve shirt. I have gotten use to the hair looking like a grease pit, the stubble, everything. However, there are some things you just look at and say, "No. That's just not right." Sorta like fan fiction based on The Bachelorette. Slash fan fiction where Brian S. and Jamie hook up while Charlie ogles the man in the Soloflex commercials. It's just wrong on multiple levels.

Greg is up and from what we can see from the way he is dressed, he's a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy like me. He's also a really bad bag packer like me. I don't care how carefully I pack a bag, it always winds up looking like one big jumbled mess before the trip is over. He confesses that he is starting to get some feelings for Trista and that it was worth sticking around to get to know Trista better. Now this makes me wonder. Was Greg thinking about leaving the show like my beloved Brian H. did (and Brian H., that offer of dinner when you come to NYC is still open, you know)?

Then there's Russ. Russ who makes me want to go running to the shower and rinse off every time I see him. Russ who makes my skin crawl. Russ who is probably a very nice guy but sadly is just edited to appear like one big oozing ball of slime. Now of all the men he gets the shortest confessional where he just makes himself look like even more of an ass when he says that if he wasn't confident that he would make the final four then he would have never agreed to do the program to begin with. As I was talking on the phone with a dear friend, whom we shall call Tina, when I watched this (VCR working properly now) she had the following to say about Mr. Russ and this scene:

Tina: I swear he's overcompensating for something.

Brian: What do you mean?

Tina: I've known men that confident and they all have had the same thing in common?

Brian: Dare I ask?

Tina: Please do.

Brian: Okay, Tina, what did they have in common?

Tina: They were all lousy in bed.

Brian: Hmm. Interesting.

Ryan, another t-shirt and jeans-er, even though he's wearing a sweatshirt, talks about how he was hoping just to make it to the final fifteen but now it's starting to get more important to him and he wants to be the final one.

As for Ms. Trista, she says she is starting to learn that you can love more than one person at the same time and something tells me that any resentment or anger she had towards Alex Michel and their situation may slowly evaporate as she now understands what he was going through when she was a contender.

Now, personally, I think she has a thing for Charlie, Russ, and Ryan – and poor Greg is just there for the ride this episode. Let's face it, people, he's the dark horse of this group just like Kim and Angela were, and that means only one thing – he's destined to be cut. It will follow tradition. It might not be a good thing but it's most likely gonna happen.

First stop on the Trista love tour is Vail, Colorado, home of Ryan, the firefighter. Now, let's comment on Vail, one of those celebrity-laden ski resort towns. It looks quaint. That's the word I would use for it. Quaint. Ryan is excited about showing Trista around Vail and how much the mountains mean to him. Let's step back for a minute and remind Ryan with a gentle, playful whack on the back of the head that Trista lives in Miami and I have to wonder if she's even seen mountains before.