Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 5: Will You Be My Baby Tonight?

Not even Super Bowl Sunday provides a refuge from the Challenge. To wit:

1. I saw a terrible Bud Lite commercial featuring a guy with three arms. Aside from a probable Twilight Zone shout-out, I didn't think anything of it. Then I found out who the guy was: Teck Holmes, formerly of Real World: Hawaii, Challenge 2000, and Direct Effect. I wasn't expecting the poster boy for Ritalin to be pitching beer. It does pose the question on what's worse: appearing on a basic cable show and acting like a ninny, or appearing in a sucky commercial on a night where everybody is watching and critiquing you. In my opinion, Teck should have done Sexes. The show isn't the same without him dipping his naked, bony body in the pool.
2. Warren Sapp and Derrick Brooks came up huge during the Super Bowl, as they helped the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with the win over the Raiders. Back in Challenge 2000, they coached the RW and RR teams in a game of mud football. You might recall that was the episode where Amaya clotheslined Veronica. Seriously, it was flag football, and Amaya just laid Veronica out. Those were the days.

That's it for going down memory lane. I'd add Danielle Flora from Dog Days popping up in the Saturday Night Live halftime counter-programming show, but I'll save that for another day. I like her more every week. Getting exposed to Ellen does that for me.

Previously on Battle Of the Sexes: Shane reads the clue off the phone, which calls for swimsuits and sunscreen. Isn't that the opposite of "previously"? Puck and Mark look for a place for Puck to hold his wedding. Puck and Ellen fight. If you're just reading these recaps, just know that I hate those two a lot.

Credits! Midtown! Here's my question of the day: why do David and Yes faint as Christina and Tonya walk by? From his tenure on New Orleans, we know David is a straight-up playa. Yes is either a playa or he merely crushes like one. And playas do not faint when girls pass them. My theory: those two ladies had gas. Maybe they had some bad food at the Lounge. That's the only reason I can think of.

Men's Villa. David is lying on the bed with Ayanna, talking about his days in ROTC. In an interview, Ayanna says that they're learning about each other, and he's saying things she wasn't expecting, stuff that "flipped the switch." David talks about his mother. Aw, I like David's mom. Ayanna: "I feel like I see somebody that could be a lifetime friend. Somebody I really click with, for real!" David says he would love to see her as a kid, to see if she has the same "big-ass smile." Ayanna playfully hits him with a pillow. David interviews that he really wants to understand her. Ayanna flashes that smile. For a while, my problems seem to be miles away.

But then, one of my problems comes back. It's Puck, with his baby boy Bogart. Yes, he is a cute kid. He walks over to Betty, his fiancée. "Welcome to my life," he tells her. Some life. They tell us how they met six years ago, and that Betty actually shoved another woman aside to get to Puck. Soon, he starts bad-mouthing Ellen to Betty, calling her fake and superficial. "You know how I am," he says. "When I get one on, boy, you're gonna get it." Gee, I hadn't noticed.

Puck introduces Bogart to the girls. Emily starts fawning over the baby, his face smeared with banana. Emily tells us that Puck told her they don't come any cuter than Bogart. No sign of James; he's probably hiding out, unwilling to be a father just yet.

Over at the Woman's Villa, Tonya expresses her disgust with Puck, especially the way he handles situations. "His humor makes me want to throw up," she adds. Ellen concurs with Tonya. "He's got social problems, growth problems, emotional problems," she says in an interview. "That's someone I don't want to get to know." Quick digression: why do I like Tonya more than Ellen if they're both anti-Puck? Tonya isn't starting any problems with the scabby troublemaker. She isn't going into drama queen mode over anything. It also helps that, according to Lori on her site, Tonya is aware that her bad representation on Chicago was not due to editing, a rarity on reality shows. So three cheers for Tonya.

Vans on the way to the mission. In an interview, Jamie says that the guys are looking to even the score against the girls. I like Jamie's beard here; it looks groomed and natural. Cut to Jamie in the van, with the exposed torso and scraggly beard, a parody of a lumberjack. A lumberjamie, if you will. Puck blathers about wanting to beat the girls, and how they can't handle losing. Over in the women's van, Anne notes that their defeat last episode gives them a push.

Jonny welcomes everybody to Breath Hold Bungee, which will test endurance. The contestants get submerged while tethered to bungee cords. Emily expositions that everybody has a bar to hold, and when it's released, the contestant gets pulled to the surface. Jisela admits that she's scared, since she needs to hold on with her entire body. Jonny shows off this week's prize: the T-Mobile Sidekick, which does lots of neat things. Of course, the winner also gets the Ion Lifesaver, since Saturn's checks haven't bounced yet. David is nervous, since he never learned how to swim and he's at the bottom of the scoreboard. I wonder if he knows the difference between swimming and holding his breath.

Some of the girls get hooked up to the cords. Puck mocks them: "I don't want any girls to die here!" Please shut up. Several underwater shots. Then Christina pops to the surface after 14.89 seconds, followed by Aneesa (29.66) and Ayanna (37.38). Anne pops up (44.72), checking her watch afterwards, followed by Rachel (48.35). Shot of Emily underwater, followed by a shot of James looking down. Finally, Emily comes up after one minute and 9.13 seconds. James feels great, and he's proud of her.