The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 9: Guess Whose Birthday It Is

"Yeah, you did some dumb things.
Being drunk is no excuse.
And you sure did give everyone
A good look at the stupid side of you."
-- lyrics from "Little Bits and Pieces" by Jim Stafford

Sometimes you have to wonder about the film crews on shows like The Osbournes. Here they are, filming the family day-in, day-out, for weeks on end. Probably looked upon as a bit of a nuisance even if everyone agrees that it's not their fault they have to be there; always having to hear details about people's lives that they probably would rather not have to deal with; never being able to participate in the lives they are essentially a part of for nine to ten weeks. More importantly, never being able to just come right out and tell the "stars" to calm down when they start acting brainless.

I thought about this a bit as the ninth episode in the second season of The Osbournes aired on February 4. Since the beginning of Season Two, the series has been focusing extensively on Kelly and Jack, with Kelly getting a good stretch of that camera time. Of course, with Sharon's illness taking over her life for a time during the filming, that is not terribly surprising. Still, throughout the season viewers have commented to me that they are getting tired of seeing the kids, especially when they start acting like six-year-olds instead of their age. To be honest I may have been a bit biased towards them, perhaps even protecting them in a sense as I really do like these kids. Even when Kelly was throwing a tantrum in Episode Seven, I tried to shift through the angst to see the emotional toll that her new career was having on Kelly at the time. Looking back on that episode, I still feel justified in my interpretation of Kelly's mental state at the time. At least, from what we saw on camera.

Now we are near the end of the season, and it seems that the editors and camera-crew have cut loose to show a side of Kelly that just isn't that pleasant to watch. If Kelly seemed like a bit of a brat in earlier episodes, then viewers really need to see this one, as Kelly goes for the Godzilla-size interpretation of brat-hood. It made me wonder if the editors weren't sitting at the editing machines, cackling with delight, as they got to play up the spoiled prima-donna side of Kelly. If not, as my wife suggested while watching the episode the next day, perhaps they just had no choice but to show Kelly as she really is at times. If so, very much the shame.

But before we get to the episode, a few quick notes:

First off, a reader wrote to advise me that the Osbourne/Pepsi-Twist ad can also be found at www.pepsitwist.com. Makes perfect sense. If you haven't seen this ad, go out of your way to see it. Yes, it's true that it shows that the kids are on the long road to learning how to act, and perhaps Ozzy really is just reacting the way he does to everything naturally, but it's still a very amusing advertisement. The website also has some "behind the scenes" footage as well. I'm told that the footage of Ozzy telling Florence Henderson that the Osbournes and the Brady Bunch were very much alike is a classic bit to watch.

Secondly, a reader in Germany wrote to me yesterday to mention that Episode Three of the second season has just aired there. In viewing the episode, she believes that the scene where Kelly and Mali are pestered by a fan to sing was filmed at the Chocolate Museum in Cologne. She wasn't positive, but some of the background looks much like what she had seen of the museum. If anyone has more details forthcoming, feel free to write. The reader has got me curious now about this as well.

Finally, I'll be doing a wrap-up about the series after next week's episode. If anyone wants to pass along their thoughts after next week, toss me a line. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to print everything that is said, but I would be curious to see the reactions of all who have watched this time around.

Onward to the episode, which is actually called "Viva Ozz-Vegas." It's a cute title, and so far this season I have stuck with the true episode titles as the title of each column. This week, however, I felt that the title used in the program just didn't do justice to what was seen on the show this week, so I felt obligated to give this column a title that describes the episode in better detail.

The episode starts off in a fairly innocent manner, as Ozzy is working with his trainer in the gym of the house. Ozzy asks if the trainer will be using the "Icy-Hot." Most people are probably familiar with this item, but for those who aren't, "Icy-Hot" is an ointment that you rub on your skin to help soothe aching and/or stiff muscles. As the trainer tries to point out, it is not always the best remedy as the ointment only works on the surface and really doesn't help in the long-run with tired muscles. At least, the trainer tries to say this, but stumbles on his words and finally just tells Ozzy that if he wants to use it, go ahead.

Ozzy is next seen entering the kitchen area, complaining that the "Icy-Hot" is "burning my testicles." Jack quips that Ozzy should not be able to hit those high notes. Ozzy doesn't think it is funny, as he feels the burning sensation and is very uncomfortable. Or, as he puts it, "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!"

Oh, well. A cheap laugh is still a laugh; and if you have to be in pain anyway, you might as well get some satisfaction out of it.

After the opening credits, Sharon and Kelly are seen in Sharon's bedroom. Sharon wants to know what type of birthday party Kelly wants for her 18th birthday. Kelly cuts Sharon off, complaining that birthday parties are "for the people invited," and she had spent a previous birthday sitting in her room and not even seeing the birthday cake. Sharon suggests Las Vegas as an alternative. Kelly is seen immediately happy with that idea (which suggests a quick editing job, actually), suggesting a few friends she would want to take. Sharon believes that they could do a couple of shows and "just have fun."