High School Reunion, Episode 5: Three Overnight Hall Passes and a Secret Admirer

Birds gotta fly. Fish gotta swim. Host Mike Richards has gotta go BANG BANG BANG on that blessed gong. At least it's at 4 PM this time. He REALLY gets into it. It's a little disconcerting. If this were an episode of Murder, She Wrote entitled "Ask Not For Whom The Gong Bongs" or something, he would so be the killer. Although after awhile, you would think that people would run screaming from the room whenever Angela Lansbury showed up because they'd know damn well someone was going to wind up dead. But I digress.

After some pointless blather, he heralds the arrival of some SUPER SPECIAL Hall Passes! For whatever reason, he TOTALLY channels Sylvester the Cat so it comes out "THUPER THPECIAL," thuffering thuccotash! Anyway, these are 24-hour Hall Passes and you need to sign up as a couple and stick the card into the secret message box on the lanai, where Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia are having cheesecake. I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything else when I hear the word "lanai." Player Dan and Natasha make little secret "you and me" signals to each other, as if there were any doubt in the world they'd be going together.

People are abuzz about the Hall Passes! Maurice is just excited to have any airtime at all as he tells us about them! Chris tells us they've been dubbed the "sex passes," because it's implied people will have sex. The producers feverishly huddle in their offices and pray that'll be the case. "I'm extremely easy," Chris assures the kitchen. He's also extremely not going, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Our faithful commentator Amy informs us you can ask someone out or wait for someone to ask you. Oh, THAT was helpful, Amy. Never would've pieced THAT one together without you. Thanks a heap.

Summer invites Jeff, who tells her he'd rather stay home and get drunk. Summer laughs to us that he'd rather stay home and play with his bratwurst than spend time with her. (What? He was grilling some at the time!) "I think you're gay, man!" Summer laughs, then tells us that's her new joke to shield her ego. Because, you know, gay guys are FUNNY! Ba-dump-bump! Want instant comedy? Add a gay guy! Wacka wacka wacka! (OK, so maybe I'm a wee bit biased on the issue.) Jeff tells us he has extremely low self-esteem and was scared if he said yes she would have said she was just kidding, which I think may be the most honest thing we've heard from Jeff yet.

Now starts the saga of "Will Ben and Maya Go On The Hall Pass Together?" Maya tells us things have been kind of on hold for the two of them since their date and it's important to her that Ben asks her to go. Dave tells her Ben's shy. She understands that because she's shy herself, but thinks Ben's downplaying his feelings to an extreme.

Dave tells us repeatedly he needs to calm his nerves. Either he's REALLY nervous or he ODed on speed or cocaine or something. Big shock - he wants to ask Holly. He tries to ease into asking her but she cuts him off and accepts. She tells us she'd love to spend some more time with him. Dave and Holly kiss to the applause and catcalls of the peanut gallery on the patio. Dave tells us he was relieved.

Maya says that people started realizing the Hall Pass would be a really fun time and didn't necessarily have to be romantic. We see slo-mo shots of Ben, Jeff, and our faithful commentator Amy looking as if they're prowling for prey. Sarah playfully snipes at Jock Dan for not asking her. Jeff asks Amy on a "thirty second date." Playing along, she asks him what they could do in thirty seconds. "All I need to," he deadpans. Ba-dump-bump! He'll be here for one more episode, folks! Tip your waiter! "Not for me," she laughs, and walks away.

Remember all that drama from last week about the divisions in the house? Well, THAT lasted all of five seconds because here's Gossip Patricia yakking merrily with Nicole and Holly. Confirming his cluelessness about their first date, Jason shows up bearing a flower to ask Gossip Patricia on the Hall Pass. I'll bet he is SO kicking himself now watching this. Gossip Patricia smiles and says yes. Jason asks her if she'd been thinking the same thing (that they should go together). She tells him she thought it would be fun to go. Notice she didn't add, "with you." Gossip Patricia dishes to us that she only accepted to get him out of her face. Call me wacky, but a more direct and efficient approach might have been to tell him... hmmmm... gee... I don't know... let me think here... NO.

Jason, Dave, Maurice, and Tim gang up on Ben in the pool room and get on his case about asking Maya. He brushes it off and opts to finish his pool game. Maya reminds us it would impress her if Ben would work up the nerve to ask her. We see a shot of Jock Dan passing by in the hallway. Hmmmm...

I'm sure it was just editing, but next we see Jock Dan outside Maya's room asking her if Jason already asked Gossip Patricia out on the Hall Pass. When she confirms, he invites her to go with him. She tells both him and us it sounds like fun.