The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 10: My Big Fat Jewish Wedding

For those wondering, yes, this is the last episode of The Osbournes for the second season. After this, the series will come back in a few months with the final ten episodes that will comprise the third season and bring us up to date in the family's life.

Before we begin the review this week, a few announcements: first, swing by next week as we take a look at the Second Season of The Osbournes in full. It has been a very on-and-off time for the family this season, with some great highs and some pretty dramatic lows. If any readers want to toss me a line to discuss their likes and dislikes from the season, feel free to email at my address, justabob@iglou.com. I can't guarantee that everything will be used in the article, but it would be a good way to see how fans at large feel about the season.

Secondly, for those who saw the commercial for MTV's new series, The Big Urban Myths Show, during tonight's episode, please check it out when it begins airing starting February 18. It looks like a fun show, but the main reason I'm thrilled about it is that I was interviewed for the program in connection with my new book, Urban Legends of Rock and Roll. I do not know the details yet as to when they may use some of the interview, but I'll try to let everyone know here as soon as I get a definitive date (or dates). So keep an eye out, okay?

Finally, a reader asked if I will be covering the "lost episodes" of The Osbournes that will be included on the DVD boxset. I do plan to do so, along with the "Osbournes in Japan" documentary that appeared on Ozzy's live DVD from the past summer. So keep checking RealityNewsOnline in the weeks to come as we continue our coverage of The Osbournes.

Now on to the final episode: the show begins with Sharon, Kelly, and Ozzy having their picture taken. Ozzy screams for Jack to come down, shouting right into Sharon's ear. After the opening credits, we are shown Sharon telling a group of people about the upcoming wedding ceremony that she plans as part of their New Year's Eve party. As mentioned in an earlier column, the two were supposed to have this ceremony in July to celebrate their 20th anniversary, yet due to Sharon's cancer disclosure, it was decided to wait.

Sharon is obviously excited. Ozzy, on the other hand, just doesn't want to even hear about it. We next see Sharon and Kelly on the staircase. Sharon talks about having a Jewish ceremony and Kelly just verbally knocks her, defiantly pointing out that Sharon is not Jewish. A reader recently asked, after seeing a segment of this argument in the previews last week, if this was Kelly's way of getting back at her grandfather (who was Jewish) for his disinterest in the family all these years; or perhaps demonstrating some problems Kelly has with the Jewish faith. I do not believe either is the case, and in fact when seen in a complete form in this episode it becomes clear exactly what Kelly's problem is - Sharon is putting everyone through paces in an attempt to be "dramatic." Kelly thinks it is a fraud to have the ceremony. Sharon swears she was born Jewish because her father is. Kelly says that doesn't matter because Jewish law states that one must be born to a Jewish mother in order to be born Jewish.

I decided to look this up, and by golly, Kelly is right. Sharon's father was Jewish, but not Sharon's mother, and descent is established on the mother's side of the family. Therefore Sharon was not born Jewish. Now, there are a lot of different things to take into consideration with such a proclamation by Sharon, and this column really isn't the place for it. However, there has also never been any indication that Sharon has pursued interest in the Jewish faith until this ceremony came up. Better yet, as Ozzy mentions, "Sharon has crucifixes coming out of her ass." Therefore, it really appears that Kelly is getting on Sharon for the very same thing Jack and Ozzy had before - her overdramatic tendencies that she does things not for sentimental, loving reasons, but mainly for the cameras and promotion. Or, as Ozzy puts it, if Sharon wants a Rabbi to perform the ceremony, "why did I spend $8 million converting our house into the (bleeping) small Vatican in Beverly Hills?"

Sharon doesn't take well to Kelly's criticism. She announces that if "(bleeping) Madonna is Jewish, then anyone can be Jewish." Sharon instead tries to end the conversation by shocking Kelly with the mention that Ozzy is circumcised. Of course, this really makes Sharon look even a bit more foolish, as circumcisms had never been completely uncommon amongst people of other faiths as there is a health issue involved as well as a proper religious one. To make a grand stand that this is a good reason to have a Jewish wedding ceremony is a bit difficult to handle.

Uh, no pun intended, of course.

Later, Jack is with Sharon as she gets made-up for some event. Sharon tells Jack that he needs to get his eyebrows done for the ceremony as they are too bushy. Jack doesn't want to talk about it, and is definitely not happy with Sharon's comment that his eyebrows make him look like a "Persian carpet salesman." Jack finally says that he'll do it before the ceremony.

Kelly is with Sara, discussing how bad Kelly's body odor is, when Jack comes in with a girl. She's blonde and her name is Angeline. The only blonde I've ever heard of that was called Angeline was the witch on Dark Shadows who turned Barnabas into a vampire, so I think Jack should stay clear of her on general principle.

Oh, wait, that character's name was Angelique. Nevermind.