Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 7: Everybody Loathes Ellen

Before the episode starts, we get a disclaimer. I haven’t seen one since the car flipping on Campus Crawl. It’s the standard cover-the-butt: the scenes are supervised, don’t try this at home, don’t sue MTV and/or Jonny Knoxville, etc.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: Colin sprained his ankle on a Styrofoam log during Treehouse, and he’s not looking to go home. Ellen whines about how some people weren’t helping out. In an interview, she admits she has a guardian angel complex, and she has to carry things if nobody else will. If George Bailey had her as his guardian angel, he would’ve jumped back into the river. Just my opinion. Amaya tells Ruthie that she has to leave by Wednesday.

Credits! Midtown! I didn’t contribute to the Roundtable on that other “battle of the sexes” show, so I offer my order of elimination: Roger, Joanna, Janet, Daniel, Ryan, Christy, Matthew, Alex, Butch, Shawna, Heidi, Jeanne, Jenna and Rob. In the end, Deena will triumph over Dave to get the million bucks. There will be one “twist” that shakes things up. Daniel will act like a wrestler at least twice. Anybody who forms an alliance with Butch will be referred to as “Sundance.” Matthew will ignite the hatred in me, but it won’t be as hot as my targets on this show.

Women’s Villa. Aneesa gets the mission information on the sponsor-provided cell phone. Basically, everybody has to pair up once again. Ellen interviews that her partner is Melissa. Wait a second. Melissa? Several weeks ago, Ellen was thinking of ways to avenge Julie’s ouster, and now she’s Melissa’s partner? And Melissa wants Ellen as a partner? Too weird. Rachel says she’s partnered with Tonya. Amaya interviews: “I take a nap, and when I wake up, everybody has their names up on the sign-up sheet.” We get a look at the registration board: Christiana and Anne have nicknamed themselves “Frick” and “Frack,” Aneesa’s name is misspelled next to “Beaver Juice,” and there’s a “G-Dawg” registered with the nickname “Silent Bob.” I’m guessing the latter is Genesis, but she doesn’t strike me as a “dawg” or as Kevin Smith. Puck is totally Jay Mewes squared.

Anyway, Ellen points out that Amaya and Veronica have not been chosen, and they can’t team up since they did that already. Christina interviews that there’s a scramble to see who would get them. She tells Aneesa that she doesn’t want to break up with her, given their chemistry. Amaya doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I’m feeling really great right now,” She says. “My self-esteem is shooting right up.” Rachel suggests that Ellen pair up with Amaya and Melissa team with “what’s-her-name.” Ellen thinks that it’s lame that some of the girls talk about team unity, and they should be volunteering. Tonya, being Ellen’s Best Friend, backs her up, saying that Ellen was backed into a corner. I don’t really see how this is a big deal; trading Melissa for Veronica or Amaya isn’t that great a sacrifice. Rachel feels that Ellen is making it bigger that it should be, and Ellen challenges her to find a solution. Rachel: “Ellen, for one, is… I’ll say it bluntly, a drama queen.” Cut to a quick shot of Ellen tilting her head and smiling. Rachel continues: Ellen wants to make this a dramatic scene.” Rachel, welcome to the Ellen Bashing Bandwagon. It’s a little cramped right now, but we can squeeze you in. Tonya reassures Ellen, telling her that she lays herself out there. Amaya’s hair is in cornrows. I never thought of her as cornrow material. Ellen tells us that it’s not about being a good person. Tonya feels that Ellen was being short with her. So even the Best Friend has issues with Ellen. To think I feared Melissa would be the show’s outcast.

Morning. Puck blows on a conch shell. Maybe it’s not editing, and you can get a decent tune. Yes interviews that Colin’s ankle still hurts. Eric rubs it, explaining to us (with a straight face) that he’s drawing energy from the sun and “throwing a little love” into a potion to help out Colin. You know, when I look for alternative healers, I always ask if they hosted a dance show on MTV in the early Nineties.

Women’s Villa/International House of Drama. Group meeting. Amaya: “We need a [bleeping] plan.” Ayanna brings up how Amaya wants to go home next week, and she doesn’t want a partner who is going to bail out. Melissa goes to the defense, saying that Amaya has family business. Ayanna counters that Amaya should be with her family. Amaya starts crying, saying it’s not anybody’s business. In an interview, Tonya says it’s not worth getting emotional, and she decided to team with Amaya. “I’m willing to take one for the team,” she adds. “It’s not that big of a deal for me.”

Once again, Ellen gripes about the lack of team unity. As she’s talking, Emily walks into the doorway, and walks away while making a face. In an interview, Emily says she doesn’t want to bicker and gossip. Ellen points out that Emily wasn’t there for the discussion. Emily: “I think there are certain people in the group that feel that’s necessary.” Ellen: “Then I have a problem with you, Emily!” Ellen flashes a fake smile in her interview, while Emily rolls her eyes in hers.

Men’s Villa. Eric leads the “HOO-RAH!” chant. Ian should be getting royalties by now. Puck wants to kick some ass. James and Dan slap five. In layman’s terms: Boys? No drama. Girls? Huge drama.

Cut to five SUVs in a circle. Jonny Moseley, fresh from testing the local moguls course with the Jamaica Freestyle Skiing Team, welcomes everybody to Seven Rings of Saturn. The SUVs are Saturns, which are circling in one direction. The object is for the pairs to run on the cars, picking up rings scattered along the way. On the lead car, they have to place the rings on a post, slide into the car and honk the horn. The winner of this mission gets acoustic guitars for the entire team. Ellen interviews that the girls need a win to lift the team’s spirit. She’s probably disappointed she’s not competing for a violin she could play anytime she doesn’t get her way.