Surviving the Amazon, Episode 1: Behind the 8-Ball

Then, the long-awaited (well, not that long, I guess) tree-mail comes to announce the first challenge. Roger says they are the most macho guys ever and if they lose, they will be ragged on bigtime. In the women's camp, Deena thinks they might win a couple immunity challenges, but that the men will probably dominate. Way to think positive! Jenna suggests that if it's a game in which they can be distracted, Heidi should show them her boobs.

You know, this is a show that came on at 8/7 Central time, and we've had discussions of peeing, boobs, vaginas, sausages, and more. What has gotten into these people?! You take the opposite sex away and suddenly there are no restrictions on how they talk? They're gonna have to move this show to HBO soon!

Anyway, it's time for the challenge. Probst brings the two teams together and asks them each how they're doing. When asked about food and fishing, Daniel flat-out lies and says they have a ton of food and have caught a lot of fish. The women don't buy it. They do, however, say they have caught fish, which is actually true. The men don't buy it.

The challenge will involve all eight members being chained together. They have to run through a "tough nut" - basically under some poles and stuff - as a group to get a key that will separate them into two groups of four. Then one group of four must decode a puzzle to get a key to split them into pairs. Then each pair must cross a balance beam - if you touch the ground you have to start over - to get another key to split them into singles. Two individuals do a puzzle then one runs up a ladder and goes down a zip-line to get the last key. That person has to come back, unlock a gate, and everybody runs to the finish. First team with everybody there wins it.

The teams are even through the tough nut, with the men getting themselves unlocked barely ahead of the women. They breeze through the code while the women have trouble. It probably doesn't help that Christy is in the group trying to do the code and she can't face anybody to see what they're saying. The men hit the balance beam, but have troubles. Several pairs fall and have to start over. Eventually, they decide to just kind of shimmy along the beam. Most of them make it, but it's eventually down to the team of Ryan and Daniel. Ryan makes it off the beam, but Daniel touches his feet down too early and they have to start over.

All the while, the women are still working on the code. Eventually, they get it. They rip across the balance beam like it isn't even there. Not only do they catch up, but they pull ahead. Finally Daniel and Ryan make it and the teams arrive even at the puzzle. The women do the puzzle much more quickly than the men. And, yes, here it is - we have the first "rocket scientist" joke of the season as Probst pokes fun at Dave, saying a rocket scientist should be able to figure out the puzzle.

Dave and Rob work and work, but Heidi runs up the ladder and down the zip-line. She gets the final key, unlocks the gate, and the women win!

Probst flat-out tells the guys that they blew it, despite their predictions. They will be going to Tribal Council.

The women return to camp and talk about how shocked the guys were. The women were behind and came back to kick some butt. Even Janet is feeling better now.

But that's the last we'll see of the women this episode. Now the men have to figure out who should be voted off first. Well, at least after some soul searching. Butch says maybe they were a little cocky going in - they had eight guys who believed in themselves a bit too much. Rob says this is the modern-day Billie Jean King vs. Bobby Riggs.

But it's Dave who gets on his high horse. He asks for everybody's attention and then proceeds to rip into them, especially Daniel. He says they performed like cocky @$$holes, especially when they were boasting about the fish they supposedly caught. He says he has character and integrity, and they shouldn't bring him down to their level with that BS. They shouldn't lie.

Daniel privately says that Dave was upset about his joking about the fish and wonders who he thinks he is. I've got to go with Daniel on this one. It was a joke. Lighten up, Dave!

Rob says Dave is a stand-up guy and honest, which is good for Rob because he plans to lie and cheat to win. So Dave is only hurting himself! I'm beginning to like Rob.

Ryan apologizes to everybody for failing at the balance beam, although he privately blames Daniel.

As they split off to do their work - aka, talk strategy - Roger tells Dave that Ryan is the first to go. Dave says it's okay by him. But then he privately says he won't vote off Ryan because they are from the same town and have a connection. Instead, he will vote for Daniel. Um. What happened to that vaunted honesty he was just talking about?