The Bachelorette, Episode 6: The Men Tell All… Well, Sort Of

Let me start off with an apology for the delay in this recap. I could say that the delay was because my VCR thought that Eddie Murphy's Coming to America was more interesting than The Bachelorette or that because my roommate didn't pay the cable bill and all I got was the Time Warner Cable message that said that my service had been disconnected or that I was off to track down the secret behind the finale of Joe Millionaire, but I will just have to be honest with all of you…

I was off bathing third world children because I'm a mercenary.

So we start off with the traditional recaps and we get reintroduced to all of the men again and there's Brian H. and well, I miss all of the other guys because I passed out and had to rewind the tape so I could actually watch the rest of the program.

Smitty (who finally gets enough air time to actually merit him being on the show in the first place, and actually does better than Ms. McClown from Joe Millionaire) asks the men what it was like at that first rose ceremony. Now mind you, from what I have heard, that first evening is a LOOOOOONG evening. I have heard reports from various sources that the first rose ceremony didn't end until three to five o'clock in the morning. Talk about an exhausting evening.

Russ says that the first rose ceremony was crazy because it was like they were nothing more than cuts of beef and Trista is selecting what she wants for dinner. Okay he didn't say it that way but I'm saying it for him. Basically he felt like meat. Which is what the women feel like on their rose ceremonies as well, I am sure, so I don't know what he's bitching about.

Sadly this means Russ gets into the hot seat first. Sigh. I thought we could get away without having to hear from him but then I realize that I'm being really hard on the guy and I should let up for once. And of course that flies totally out the window when I see the shoes that he is wearing with his outfit. They are too burnt orange and do not go well with what he has on. Maybe if they were black they would have been better, but oh well. I'm not in wardrobe and none of the men asked for my opinion so I am free to bitch about that.

Russ recap video - the Tiffany's box and that horrible purple tie. I still hate that tie. Trista is just giggling and gushing over him and then we're off to Vegas. This is where "chisling" comes into play. He's right next to Trista, they're swapping saliva, and there's lots of tongue there.

Hey look, there's Trista in one of those picture-in-picture windows that we always saw on episodes of Love Connection. Wow. They are showing her reactions and she's getting a kick out of what the men thought about Russ. He's a chiseler. He's a slimeball. He's a goof. She's loving it with her chin hitting the floor.

Now here's what I don't get to this day and Trista, honey, when you come to NYC for your Good Morning, America, stint, you need to call me so we can do dinner or something and talk about this. Talk to Shannon, she'll vouch that I'm no slouch. If Russ was giving you all of this pressure and you had to literally push him away and put your foot down to shut up him then why the heck did you keep him around for so long? Duane said it right, I would never give a girl (well, it would be a guy in my case) a bracelet on a first date or a first meeting or anything. That's presuming way too much.

Then comes their horrible date when Russ whines about no touching or holding hands or kissing and, ultimately, his dismissal where he says that Trista got scared with what was going on between them. Scared, maybe. But pissed that you wouldn't back off - definitely.

Back to the studio and there's Greg H. I miss him. I hope he found a nice woman. And there's Rob and he still has the shaggy hair. This of course recalls a conversation I overheard one night at my gym while Extra was playing and I was midway through my hour on the elliptical runner (6.70 miles in an hour last night, thank you very much).

Woman #1 - Who is the guy with the shaggy hair?

Woman #2 - I dunno. One of the Brians I think. There's like ten of them named Brian.

Anyway, he thinks that Russ forgot that there were 24 other guys there and thought the show was all about him. Okay he didn't say the part about the show being all about him. That was me. Bob, however, says that he was surprised that Trista didn't kiss on the first date and that Jamie went for it and it didn't happen for him.

The men on his group date now interject and say that they got no personal time with Trista in Vegas because he monopolized all of it. Josh, who is wearing a really bad hat and makes me wonder why he's even wearing it, says that they were all dancing and having fun and they turned around and realized that Russ and Trista were gone. Russ counters that he was following Trista to the room and that if there was any pressure that night on his part and she was uncomfortable with it, then why would she take him to the room?

At this point, I'm begging for the Trista reaction shot and we don't get it. Damn.