Joe Millionaire, Episode 7, Part 2: In With a Bang and Out with a Whimper

If you haven’t already done so, make sure to read Part 1 of this recap to find out what was said by the women – and about the women!

Now, after an hour of agony (Mary, Dayana, Heidi, etc), we're finally into the hour of television that we have all been waiting to happen for quite some time.

Of course it all starts off with that long recap about the premise of the show. Yawn. Get to the good stuff. Ugh and then we get the "Last week on Joe Millionaire" recap as well. Sigh. Drag it out. Drag it out.

Another meal with Sarah and Zora saying nothing to each other. Sarah says that it's awkward now and that the man is all hers because she's in charge of the game. Sarah's even resorting to using the old "did you just fall off the turnip truck" line to describe how Zora just accepts things at face value and how apparently clueless she must be to think that Evan is going to pick her over Sarah. I mean gee golly gosh, Zora, what are you thinking, she's giggling.

I hate the whore. If you don't get picked, you should just start your own online website about bondage and foot fetishes and you'll have your own millions.

Zora is more along the lines of, "What is Evan thinking?" since she and Sarah are just such polar opposites. This entire dinner is uncomfortable to watch because you can just see that these women do not like each other very much, if at all, and that just having to sit across from each other is absolute torture for the two of them. We all want it to descend into hysteria with hair pulling and nails clawing at faces but Zora is too good for that.

Saint Zora. Gotta love her.

Meanwhile Evan has made his decision and is just pacing around in his room and talking about how he has to look this "amazing woman" in the eye and tell her who she really is – a construction worker making a piddling existence. Then there is the woman he isn't choosing and he's concerned about hurting her since she might actually have feelings for him.

Oh shit. That must mean he's taking Sarah over Zora and if he does then I have lost all faith in men. Especially Evan. Sarah just wants the money, you big lug! Zora is the Real Deal! She's not a gold digger. She's the real thing and if you can't see that then you should just go back into wrestling and be done with it.

Images of the two women getting dressed and ready for the big finale. Paul knocks first on Zora's door and has invited her down to the Grand Salon to speak with Evan. Now I'm on the phone with my friend Gina at this point and we're talking about how Zora has to be the one to go because they always dismiss the losing lover first on The Bachelor and I counter with the evidence of the seating position. The way that he would be sitting to face her is exactly how it would be in the teaser clips we have seen of him confessing to not be a millionaire. Could it be Zora?

Well it wouldn't make sense unless the Sarah break up is really really really bad and makes for better TV so they leave it for second. Sigh. I am so going to be pissed if he picks Sarah over Zora.

So here is the walk that Evan has been dreading and looking forward to while Zora sits in the Grand Salon. AH! COMMERCIAL! BASTARDS!

Back from commercial and Evan enters the room. Both confess to being nervous. Evan starts off by saying that they have had an incredible journey from the beginning when he rode up on the horse to each of their dates. He says that is has been a roller coaster ride though and that's when I think that's he totally giving her the let down and I start getting really depressed that he can't see how fabulous this woman is that he would want to be with her. If I was straight I would be with her.

Evan says that Zora was difficult to read on some of their dates. He thinks that their horseback riding date was "pretty damn great" and their date in Corsica was great as well but he thought there were some mixed feelings. He says he's trying to find the right words and I can just see this is going to end badly and I can see it in Zora's eyes that she thinks it's going to end badly.

Basically Evan says that Zora is no dummy and she's an incredible person. She's very observant and no matter what they did together they enjoyed each others company and there was something in her that made him feel at ease and that she was a great person. She has a way about her that shows she cares about people.

He's chosen her.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

Here I was expecting this total let down and he's chosen her. Fox couldn't have scripted that one better because I was swearing up and down that he was giving her the kiss off (much like NYC Sanitation did to my neighborhood by not send a snow plow to dig us out of over two feet of snow until past midnight – the bastards). Zora just breaks out into this huge smile and I am doing my own little touchdown dance as well because I'm just so friggin' happy and then I remember he has to tell her the truth about himself, so I can't get too happy, right?