Survivor Psyche, Episode 1: Discontinued Model

At Tribal Council, Probst feels out the men with questions aimed at comments made during the last three days. All the men eat Humble Pie, admitting to cockiness and worse. Roger says the women beat them physically as well as mentally. Probst retorts that they were beat "all the way around." Toying with them more, he oh-so-casually asks them about the women and the floodgates open. Cute and clueless Ryan asserts, "none of those girls is worth a million dollars," after panting after them for the past three days. (Suzanne was mesmerized throughout the show by the realization that Ryan and Rob have had their eyebrows waxed. And they say women are vain.) Daniel is so worked up that he blurts out, "Shawna is pretty damn hot!" like a nerd on the back of the bus on the way to bandcamp. Matthew yucks in agreement. Rocket scientist Dave fares just as badly chiming in with a "quarterback doesn't screw the cheerleader at halftime" reference, delivered in his usual self-righteous manner. Alex and Rob get in a lather over whether Ginger or Mary Ann, oops we mean Shawna or Heidi is the hottest thing in the jungle.

By this time, all the men are relaxed and smiling! They are so enraptured by the images of the nubile women that the significance of their being at Tribal Council is completely forgotten. Probst smacks them back to reality with this comment. "You came out from Day 1 talkin' more trash than I've ever heard ever. You got your asses kicked and when we get here - 'I wanna get hooked up!' "

It's time to vote. In a close 3-4 decision, Ryan is ejected and Roger remains to "Boss Another Day." Master strategist Rob swung towards the oldsters and voted against Ryan. Meathead Dave clung to his anti-Daniel obsession and voted solo.

Next week: a mysterious object is found in the women's supply box. Something so hideous that confessions must be extracted and identities hidden. Something so vile that our editor David dares not speculate - but we will! We think it's somebody's feminine hygiene product! (What we're thinking of has wings - but they don't fly. Remember girls when you were nine, and you got into your big sister's stash, peeled off the backing and stuck it in the bottom of a shoebox? Voila! Instant Barbie mattress.)

Time to take a look at the players.

Tambaqui

Alex: Did a good job of working with Roger and Butch while enjoying the jokes and camaraderie of the younger men. He has a good chance at this game if he can keep it up.

Butch: Not nearly as aggressive as his name or his past history would imply. Has bonded well with Roger while still appearing as a "nice guy" to the others.

Daniel: Even with the giant target across his bodacious shoulders, he's managed to dodge the bullet so far. We predict he'll go down in flames in the next couple of episodes.

Dave: As Melinda predicted in an earlier article, Dave is having trouble deciding between his youthful impulses and innate intelligence. He's like the Frosted Mini-Wheats character. Kids like the sweet frosted side, while the grownups like the crunchy substantial side. He could be very vulnerable if he doesn't get his temper and impatience under control.

Matthew: At 33, he straddles both age groups, but has consistently allied himself with the juveniles in the tribe. This could make him a major target if the grownups keep the upper hand. (Yes, it comes down to this yet again - juvies versus grownups.)

Rob: A Rob with an inflated sense of his own importance - what a surprise! We consulted our Magic 8 Ball to see if Rob would make it to the final three - "definitely not" was the answer.

Roger: The luckiest player in the Amazon right now. We wonder if Roger really, really understands how vulnerable his assertive behavior has made him - or if he cares?

Ryan: You're awful pretty but managed to annoy the worker bees by being too "loud." Daniel was clumsy but less irritating and you took the bullet.

Jaburu

Christy: You go, girl. You did your best to clue in your tribemates, maybe sooner or later they'll catch on.

Deena: She's been walking the fine line between assertiveness and bossiness. She has the maturity and experience to get things done, but can't speak her mind as she would like. Everyone gets drenched next week because of the lack of shelter, so maybe they'll be willing to pitch in without your nudging them along.

Heidi: Can you feel the heat from the other camp, Heidi? There's a lot of love mojo coming your way. (If you're blushing, someone's thinking nice thoughts about you!)

Janet: Buck up, sister. A lot of mature women have made it through this game. Don't drag down the sisterhood because you've never camped in the rough before.

Jeanne: As supportive and hard-working as her profile implied. Let's hope that future episodes show more of her spunky and impulsive side.

Jenna: If she's this emaciated now, how will she look by week four, if she makes it that far? She better get her priorities in line - there's more important things to boil than your skivvies. For example: DRINKING WATER!

JoAnna: Her outgoing and effusive personality is working well for now. Let's hope she can keep on the women's good side and not antagonize them with more hosannas.

Shawna: Has been the most hard working and uncontroversial of the players. But the men think she's the shiznit!

Melinda Smith is a technical illustrator and writer with a background in graphic arts. She and her family live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Her sister, Suzanne Tromblay, is a licensed social worker with the State of Ohio. Melinda can be reached at tremme@eudoramail.com.

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