Surviving the Amazon, Episode 2: (Un)Holy Granoley!

Time for a sidebar comment here. Has JoAnna ever watched Survivor? I mean, it's not like this whole "immunity idol" thing is brand new. They have it every freaking season. As fellow RNO writers Mike DeGeorge said to me, "if your religion despises 'idols' of any sort, WHY THE HELL did you go on Survivor? It would be kind of like me going to Bible Camp and complaining about all the 'God talk!'" Well said, Mike. I'd also like to add that preaching, in general, is a bad idea. Preaching in the middle of the night when people have asked you to be quiet so they can sleep is a really bad idea. It's also incredibly rude. But as we'll soon see, that barely scratches the surface of JoAnna's rudeness. Oh, and incidentally, I'm pretty sure the Bible says you shouldn't worship false idols. I don't think it says anything about just having pretend ones sitting nearby.

The next morning, we see Christy talking to Jeanne. Christy's concern is that as soon as it gets dark, she's effectively cut off from everybody. So she asked Jeanne to fill her in on what happens at night.

The two of them are walking along and Jeanne tells her about JoAnna's idol discussion. Christy blurts out that it's stupid. Unfortunately, JoAnna happens to be in earshot and storms over to put Christy in her place. She pretty much jumps on her and every time Christy tries to say something, JoAnna talks over her. Real nice. Then she says that if she doesn't like what Christy says, she'll shut her down - and holds up a hand in a "talk to the hand" type gesture. Now this is rude under normal circumstances. But when you're dealing with a deaf person who can only understand you by reading your lips and you put up a hand to block her face, that just goes beyond any standard of rude behavior. As Christy says, JoAnna flipped out, put her hand in her face, etc. At this point, Christy has a great observation, telling the cameras that if you are a vessel of Christ, shouldn't you be a little nicer? Indeed, one does have to wonder how somebody can go from praising God to being such a roaring bitch. One other part of the "discussion" that needs mention is that JoAnna yelled at Christy for supposedly getting in her face. Two things: 1) Christy has to maintain eye contact with a person's face at all times. So even in a situation when others might have backed down and looked away, she has to keep looking at them. 2) More importantly, JoAnna was the one who came in and barged in on somebody else's conversation! Sure, Christy said something about her that she overheard, but for her to charge over and then tell Christy to get out of her face is completely unbelievable and illogical. Also, let's face it, the whole idol thing is stupid!

Bitch.

OK, so we've already had two fairly big issues come out at the women's camp. First was the whole idol thing. Second was the fight that followed. Now what? Well, as they are getting their stuff out of the crate where they had stored it to keep it dry, they find a granola bar at the bottom. Nobody claims it - everybody denies it belongs to them. After all, smuggling in a granola bar would be cheating. It's unfair! They should find a scapegoat and search their bag for beef jerky!

Whoa. Sorry. Time warp there back to Survivor 2.

So, whose is it? Nobody cops to it. They agree to throw it in the fire so nobody should have it. Deena (the D.A.) jokes that she should cross-examine everybody to get to the bottom of it.

But wait, JoAnna says that Jeanne says that she saw the granola bar in Janet's bag. So JoAnna says they should all gather around and give Janet a chance to admit her guilt. Jeanne privately says they all came to play fair and they don't like cheaters!

OK, let's look at this situation. Unlike with the accusations leveled against Kel back in Survivor 2, at least there is evidence of a transgression here. But there is no evidence as to who brought it. I also have to wonder how the hell they did it, as these folks are practically strip searched! Heck, maybe it belonged to a cameraman who accidentally dropped it. Alright, seriously, to blame Janet without any evidence other than one other woman's claim (a woman who, of course, is her competitor) is ridiculous. Deena the lawyer should know enough to tell the women not to convict without evidence.

Leaving the camp of many issues, we find ourselves with the men, who get treemail about the immunity challenge. So off we go!

Probst begins by saying that retention of information is crucial in survival situations, and this challenge will test observation and retention. They all have two minutes to explore the mock-up Amazonian Indian village and then he will ask them each questions - the player whose turn it is must answer by him/herself, with no help from the other tribe members. Whichever team has the most after 10 will win. Shawna sits out for the women.

First up are Jeanne and Dave. What colors are the feathers on the treemail announcing the challenge? Oh, that's hardly fair - that wasn't part of the village! Anyway, Jeanne says red and yellow while Dave says yellow. Nope. Red, yellow, and green. No points.

Deena vs. Rob: How many rungs are on the ladder? Deena says eight, Rob six. Rob is right. Guys take the lead.

Christy vs. Butch: How many pigs in the pen? Christy: 12, Butch: 9. Butch is right. Guys up two.

Jenna vs. Alex: One of the small bowls had something in it. What? Both answer, "Nuts." Both are right.

Janet vs. Daniel (who has otherwise been pretty much invisible this episode): What items are in the finished canoe? Janet says an axe, Daniel says a spear. Daniel is close, but he left out the rope as well. No points.

Heidi vs. Matthew: How many hammocks are there? Both say two. Two it is.

JoAnna vs. Roger: How many manioc cakes are in the pan? Both say nine. Both are right. It's five to three, guys.

Jeanne vs. Dave again: What two types of fruit are in the camp? Pineapple and banana, say both. Both are right.

Deena vs. Rob again - women must get it right or they are out. How many manioc roots have been peeled? Both answer "one." Both are wrong, it's four. But it matters not to the guys - they win!

We do not see any shots of JoAnna getting mad at God for giving the win to the men (hey, she thanks Him whenever they win - shouldn't she talk to Him when they lose, too?). But at least it obviously won't rain now that the idol is with the guys.

Ouch! I just sprained my eyes from rolling them so hard!