Survivor Psyche, Episode 2: Granola Barred

Sermon on the Mount

Christy and Jeanne set off alone into the forest and talk about the nightly conversation in the tent. Jeanne explains to the camera that she has agreed to fill Christy in on JoAnna's scary bedtime stories, since Christy can't lip-read at night. When Christy hears about JoAann's idol abhorrence, she blurts out "that's stupid." Who should overhear, but sanctimonious JoAnna, who rushes over. "I'm gonna shut you down!" JoAnna proceeds to repeatedly shove her palm in Christy's face, intrude on her personal space, and accuse her of doing exactly what she herself is doing. "I didn't do anything for you to do that. You don't need to be hurt anymore if you don't come up into my face sayin' things that you sayin'." All expressed in a loud, rapid-fire barrage, accompanied by the appropriate head bobs and finger jabs. Hypocritical JoAnna's final, appalling words were "Leave me alone and get out of my face." (Just who was it barged in on a private conversation, JoAnna? Remember, gentle readers, that JoAnna is a "School Guidance Counselor." We speculate that JoAnna is used to being in a position of authority where she feels that she must educate her ignorant and unenlightened subjects. She's Jim Jones without the Kool-Aid.) As if JoAnna's diatribe isn't weird enough, through a strange bit of editing, Jeanne has somehow morphed into Janet during the altercation. When JoAnna finally stalks off, Janet consoles a weeping Christy. Christy has valiantly held her own throughout the attack, and makes a valid point. "If you're a vessel of Christ, shouldn't you be a little nicer, a little kinder?" she asks the camera. Time to give back the WWJD honor badge you won at Bible Camp, JoAnna. (JoAnna has already earned a Reality TV Hall of Shame Moment for all of this.)

The Witch Hunt, or Much Ado about Nutt'n Honey

Instead of the dreaded Barbie Mattress that we predicted last week, the rotten object in the women's supply box turns out to be an illicit granola bar. All the women clustered around the box deny ownership. Unfortunately, one woman is off at the side of the camp, and isn't there to defend herself. So of course, Janet, the odd-woman-out, gets the blame. The deluded reasoning, aka Jeanne, is that the bar was seen in Janet's backpack. Of course, schoolyard behavior dictates that no one actually confronts Janet and asks her. No, it's a smear campaign, instigated by Jeanne and carried out by foot soldier JoAnna. Ye who are without goodies, cast the first granola bar. Prosecutor Deena jokes about cross-examining the women. JoAnna stalks through the camp with the contraband bar impaled on a machete and tosses it on the flames. She can't burn a witch, so she settles for the next best thing. Jeanne tells the camera that she wants to give Janet the "opportunity" to say it was hers. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Remember your Monty Python, kids.) "I don't like cheaters," she snaps. The women aren't looking at the situation logically, they're jumping to conclusions that the granola bar has to be one of theirs. ('How do knooow she's a witch?' 'Well, she's got the nose.' More Monty Python.) This is where the women could learn something from the men. If the men found a granola bar, they would have divvied it up, said a few pithy things about its origins, and moved on. But the women have to make a big issue about it, and get everyone stirred up, with the resulting hurt feelings and unresolved issues. Like a bad case of office politics. And the worst part is, nobody got to eat it!

Immunity Challenge, or Idol Threats

This challenge consists of memorization and observation, and guess who wins? It's the men this time, with their obsession with what's bigger, better, who's got more, and other such manly comparisons. They've been practicing since puberty for this. They score more correct answers than the women, and proudly hoist the object of their affections overhead and triumphantly head back to Never Never Land. Well, at least JoAnna can enjoy the sleep of the just tonight, without that heathen image staring at her. (Those eyes … they follow me wherever I go!!!)

Which Witch is Which?

Now the women must ferret out the one who will be sacrificed - oops, we mean voted out. Instead of JoAnna being the focus of negative attention for her attack on Christy, or Janet for the alleged granola bar incident, it's Christy who draws fire. She's been hacking down trees for the shelter, and stops working when she sees some of the women lounging about. To the camera, Christy calls them the "laziest group" she's ever worked with, and admits she's really pissed off. So much so that she vents to the women lying on the shelter, saying she's the only one working. Deena takes Christy's stressed-out remarks personally, and returns in a few minutes with a bunch of palm fronds, which she throws at Christy's feet. You don't have to be deaf to interpret this action. Jeanne intervenes and tries to talk to Christy, who now mulishly insists she "wants to go fishing." (Melinda says that one thing she's learned from her children for sure is not to take Christy's kind of outburst personally. Whenever someone starts up with "I always, and you never," it's always a sign of a larger issue, especially coming from an adult. Stress, frustration and fear are speaking here - it's all about the speaker and not about you. This was a golden opportunity for the other women to approach Christy and open up a real dialogue - which might just get that shelter built!)