Fraternity Life, Episode 1: The Rush is On

Right off the bat, I have to admit that when I initially wrote to RealityNewsOnline Editor David Bloomberg about writing for RNO, I was looking more for a Survivor-esque type of column – one where I could play Monday Morning Quarterback to the maneuvering of the various contestants on reality shows these days. You know, the kind of column where I’d get to see all of the confessionals, all of the conversations, all of the footage, and then explain to my loyal readers why mistakes were made, and what I (the all-knowing Bloombergini… er, I mean Brentini) would have done differently. But then I realized, the job’s taken! In fact, it appears every reality show is being covered on RNO, come hell or high water.

Every show, that is, except for MTV’s Fraternity Life. That’s where I (finally) come in. I must say that I had my reservations at first. I mean, please… no Tribal Council, no million bucks, no Diary Room, no Julie Chen, no challenges, no nuthin’. As Bob Barker would say, that’s N-U-T-H-I-N, nuthin’! All I get to do is cover straight fraternity boys, usually walking around half-naked and half-drunk, who usually can be found sitting around and talking about girls and getting laid, progressively getting more horny as the episode goes on… *pondering*… wait, why was this such a bad idea again? On second thought, “Oh please, Mr. Editor, David, sir… PLEASE don’t throw me in the briar patch!” *evil grin*

Yes, readers, this is the recap (with occasional hilarious comments) of the premiere of Fraternity Life, MTV’s season-long look at the fraternity boys at Sigma Chi Omega, who not coincidentally are just down the street from Sorority Life 2’s Delta Xi Omega, the apparent yin to the yang of Fraternity Life. My name is Brent, and I’ll be your server for the rest of the article. Bon Appetit!

The series opens with Will (first names only – this is MTV), our lovely recruitment chair for Sigma Chi Omega, telling us “fraternity life – it really seems like a big mystery.” Really? I thought it was just about boys and booze; what’s the mystery? Next, we are treated to a bevy of visuals: half-naked frat boys dancing, half-naked frat boys drinking beer, half naked frat boys carrying kegs. The Fraternity Life director must be a woman after my own heart. Next we hear from George, the pledgemaster, who tells us that Sigma Chi Omega (SCO) is special because it is the Animal House on campus, but they “still have their sh-t together.” Well, I’ll say this: after looking at their house, they certainly have the sh-t; whether or not they have it together remains to be seen.

Next we meet Jake. Now folks, I know it’s early, but I am already considering giving Jake a nomination as Best Supporting Performance in a Reality TV Series. He’s so cute, so adorable, so quintessentially “frat boy,” that I think I’d be hard pressed to find another guy who fits the stereotype more accurately. Handsome, built, heavy drinker, takes his shirt off a lot, and isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I’d say he’s about one taco short of a combination plate. However, he makes me smile, and with the latest round of make-me-puke participants on Survivor (JoAnna, can you hear me?), there’s much to be said for someone who seems genuinely sweet. Jake tells us that loyalty is what they are trying to cultivate at their fraternity. Awwwww…

( cue MTV theme song*, which I would just like the panel to note has lyrics that go: “I’m adic-… I’m ADDICTED to you…” Note the sly double entendre. Catchy!)

And we’re back. Now we get to meet Colin, often referred to as “Grandpa,” as he is not only a senior, but the president of SCO. Colin explains to us lay people that “rush” is just an opportunity for new guys to get to know the fraternity and the 33 brothers in it. At this point, I become increasingly suspicious that Colin is indeed The Mole. WHAT??!! It was Frederique?? I still don’t believe it. But I digress.

Next it’s a “getting to know you” party at the house (cue “The King and I’s “Getting to Know You” music). We also get to meet a variety of rushees, most of whom I won’t bother naming, because only two of the 18 or so boys appear to have a story arc at this point. Grant (one of the two rushees in question) is seen talking to Brad, who’s on the rush committee. Brad asks Grant his major, and he says “biopsych.” Brad incredulously asks, “What the hell is biopsych?” Then Brad is shown in a confessional saying that he thinks Grant comes off a little “cocky and conceited,” and he doesn’t like that in a person. I have to agree with Brad’s at-a-glance assessment; Grant appears throughout the episode a little aloof, and I am still trying to figure out what “biopsych” is, although I must admit that I have rather adverse reactions to anything that is ‘bi-‘. I’m like “puh-leaze… enough with the switch hitters already” (unless it’s Jake, who can switch to my team any damn time he pleases). *sigh* Finally, to wrap up this segment, Will (our lovely recruitment chair) tells us that about 16 guys are rushing, but they won’t be handing out that many bids. I hear myself yelling at the screen: “Send the leftovers to me!” My cats look at me quizzically. I ignore them.