Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes Episode 9: Life Goes On

Before I begin, I need to have a word with David Broome, formerly of RW: New Orleans and this fine show. David, I saw you on Chappelle’s Show this past week, and I have to ask: are you going to come up with new material soon? As much as everybody loves “Come On Be My Baby Tonight,” it’s more for the kitschy appeal than anything else. You might end up being perceived as a one-trick pony, and you know that’s not love (woo woo). You’re young, you’re talented, and thanks to Julie, you’re no longer the most loathed person from your season. If you want, add words to the song. I don’t want your career highlight to be having your song played on Real World: Chicago as Cara landed her umpteenth guy.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: Puck got married. Betty (the bride) and Bogart (their son) left to go home. “I’m all broke up over it,” Puck tells us, “but the P-Man is still here.” I hate the P-Man. Cut to last week, where Ellen lowered the boom on Rachel. Dan’s jaw couldn’t drop any lower. Lori interviews that there was no reason to vote Rachel off. Emily makes the “hurry it up” sign to Jonny. Puck tells us that Betty is in an “immigration hole.” Uh oh.

After the credits, we get super-fast-motion of clouds streaking, as tense piano music plays. Mark interviews from the Men’s Villa that Puck says he’s done. Puck curses out the cameraman, saying he doesn’t want to be filmed. Wow, he is ticked. Doesn’t Puck cease to exist if there are no cameras? Mark interviews again (with different hair) that Betty is not a U.S. citizen and she forgot her green card. The cynical voice in my head says that it’s in Puck’s back pocket. Anyway, Betty and Bogart are detained in Jamaica. Puck cusses out another cameraman. Colin says that Puck is detained by the show, while immigration authorities detain Betty and Bogart. “Puck is the type of person who doesn’t want to be restricted by anybody or anything,” Colin analyzes. “When that happens, he rebels.”

Thunder and lightning segue to the Women’s Villa. Something breaks very loudly. Christina tells us that Puck is smashing things, including his guitar. Cut to stock footage of stairs in a scary light. Christina: “And then he walks out with a machete in his hand.” Cut to black-and-white hand holding machete. Could be Puck, could be one of the guys from Tambaqui on Survivor. Ayanna continues: “A mah-che-tee!” she overenunciates. “He came up to us with a mah-che-tee!” Then Christina says that Puck told her he had to go.

Sure enough, there’s a night vision shot of Puck (with lit cigarette) going to the van, with Mark right behind him. The van drives off. America learns the meaning of the word “anticlimactic.” Seriously, when Wanda from Eonline and other spoiler freaks were talking about this, I figured it wouldn’t be over before the first commercial.

The Women’s Villa is a wreck, with a hole in the wall and other shambles. Colin informs us that Puck leaving was part of the “Master Plan.” “He came here to be Puck,” Colin adds. “When he was done, he was done, and he doesn’t need to stay.” Christina has more to say: “I think all of us are here because our parents probably didn’t pay enough attention to us.” More shambles. She continues: “Or maybe Puck’s looking for some kind of validation.” Somebody other than Puck sweeps up the mess; a more symbolic gesture I have yet to see. Syrus interviews that the men’s team has lost a good player and their best nightly entertainment, but they’ll be sleeping better. A camera zooms in on the machete, impaled in some sort of fruit.

(Quick note: There’s more to be said about what happened, but if I start here, it’ll take a while to stop. So I’m putting my take on Puck and Bunim-Murray Productions in another article. Meanwhile, RealityNewsOnline sources say that Puck claims he will be on the second edition of The Surreal Life, so you can look forward to seeing him there…)

Daytime. A plane flies overhead. It could have the Rainey’s flying back home, or it could have Rachel flipping the bird to Emily and Ellen. Speaking of Ellen, she asks Syrus what the guys will do now that they’re down one man. Theo doesn’t doubt that Puck would come back, but Syrus tells him that he wasn’t there to see what happened last night. Ellen smirks. “See you later, Puck,” she says. I wouldn’t have blamed her for doing an extended version of Melissa’s happy dance. Cut to a crack in the wall, and a maid mopping up.

Back to the game: Emily and Ellen are talking about Rachel being voted out. I’m thinking of calling these two the Axis of Petty. “That decision didn’t go very well with the group,” Ellen understates. She tells Emily that she had talked to Ruthie, and that maybe a group meeting is in order. Emily says that if the others want the Inner Circle to change, they have to work to get inside. Ouch. Ellen interviews that Emily is not making friends, and that there might be consequences.

Cut to a shot of a spider in its web. Oooo… symbolic! Veronica, Lori, and Aneesa are having breakfast. Veronica interviews that she would love to send Emily home, since she did that to her on Battle of the Seasons. Cut to a flashback shot of Veronica and Yes getting voted off. I miss Belou. BMP could’ve charged people to see a Puck/Belou fight. Veronica goes on, saying that Emily was responsible for sending Rachel home in a similar manner. “I’m beginning to see how threatened she is by competition,” she adds. If that’s the case, then why is Emily in her third straight Challenge? Veronica needs to think things through. Aneesa thinks that Emily is settled in to do whatever she wants. Cut to a shot of Emily during Freeze Your Butt Off, staring down the cameraman. “I think she wants to win,” Aneesa continues, “and she’ll eliminate any competition. That’s not teamwork to me.” Not to defend the emerging villain, but elimination is a huge part of the game.