Meet My Folks, March 3 – The Calderons and Twins!

Perhaps one should have seen a show before offering to be it’s substitute recapper. I was familiar with the concept since I enjoy the RNO recaps but I thought it couldn’t possibly be as silly a premise as it would seem. Boy, was I wrong. So I went into this fully prepared to mock and deride everyone... could I find anything nice to say? Let’s see...

The show opens with the concept of one guy being set up with three sets of twins, and the pair Mom and Dad like best get to go to Hawaii with him. Yep, not only are they not attempting to pretend this is platonic they are waiving the banner of incestuous meneges et trois in the future. It takes a lot to get me squinky. I am of the live and let live school of sexual thought. As long as it is among consenting adults (keywords being consenting and adult) I don’t judge. At least I didn’t think I did till I watched this show. Now I can safely say that siblings engaging in sex with the same person at the same time is just icky so stop thinking about it! Yet I soldiered on and watched the show to recount it for you... thank me later.

Dad and Mom are Ernest, but we can call him Ernie, and Rhina Calderon and their son is Carlos. Carlos is great looking, well built, and can string some sentences together, so I’m sure the girls will be pleased. He looks a lot like that guy who played Slater on Saved By The Bell. Come on you know who I mean, he also played the kid Dorothy was tutoring in the Golden Girls and she nominated him for an award for his essay about how much America means to him and he got in the paper and INS came after him to send him back to Cuba but he wasn’t even mad at her for that? Anyway, that’s the guy he looks like. The parents, who I wanted to hate even more than Carlos and the contestants because they are old enough to know better than to participate in pimping their son out for inter-familial threesomes, actually seem really likable and it is a gorgeous house, just huge and really beautifully appointed. (But we know from RNO’s first interview with the executive producer that some of the houses are rented just for the occasion, so we’re not sure if it’s really theirs.)

So Dad answers the door and first to arrive are the Lemire twins, Lindsay and Allyson. Blonde, gorgeous, and identical and although this means nothing to you I will toss it in as it made me predisposed to like them. They look exactly like my best friend in college except for the nose. You put them in a perm of the 80’s and photoshop another nose onto them and you would not be able to tell the difference. But back to the show... everyone is digging the novelty that they are as they chat and await the arrival of the others. Dad was totally taken aback at their identical twinness so maybe he wasn’t sufficiently prepped pre-show. Carlos is amazed they are so identical and look so good. Lot of amazement going on for people who knew what to expect.

Candice and Kerri Lamas arrive and once again I freak. They happen to be the spitting image of a girl I went to high school with right down to the wildly curly long hair. I do not see old friends in reality show contestants ever, so that was bizarre, a reunion of sorts for me in my head so I was predisposed to like them to but not nearly as much as the Lemire twins. I know it isn’t factually relevant to the show but it colors my opinions so thought I would disclose. They have a plan, Candice will talk his ear off and Kerri will kiss it off. Dividing up the chores into platonic and not, thank goodness someone is. Carlos takes one look at them and is quite the smitten kitten.

Here come our final set of twins, Nicole and Brianna Garcia. Their strategy is to play hard to get. I hope I am not giving away too much by saying it’s a good thing they told us this as there is no other evidence of being hard to get in any sense. They insist on a hug as they meet Dad since they are Mexican-Italians. Does that combo require hugging? I lost my copy of “Hyphenated American Cultural Mores When Trying To Suck Up To The Parents Of A Guy You Don’t Know” book. Required reading for Media Whoring 101. Carlos thinks that they have a Latin look about them, and they proclaim it at every opportunity, they might have an in with his folks. I hope not, I hate them on sight. And no, for the record, they don’t remind me of anyone.

Did I mention that everyone is dressed exactly like their twin. Because otherwise we might not get that they look alike. Exactly alike. Like we haven’t seen the Parent Trap...

Everyone is gathered around and talking and dad is getting confused and Mom is “seeing double and I didn’t even have any wine today.” I hate to admit this, but Mom and Dad are a cute and seem very sweet. I’m wondering if they did this just to make their son happy and if that was the case I can forgive the insanity of allowing this and like them. So let’s go with that theory.

Mom and Dad address the camera to talk about Carlos. Mom says he is kind, has a great sense of humor, and is a gentleman. Awwwww. She’s a good mom. If you don’t want me judging based on sound-bites don’t put it in TV, I’m not about depth, people. Then we have Dad bragging on Carlos’ jock skill and it’s all very sweet. Okay one more: awwwwww.