The Family and Proper Etiquette – A Reality Factor “Investigation”

Perhaps Ringo should brush up on his etiquette homework.

On the premiere episode of the ABC reality series, The Family, social secretary Ringo Allen’s low tolerance for his interpretation of bad manners almost sent Cousin Mike out of the competition when he observed the Brooklyn warehouse foreman slipping his used dinner napkin back into his napkin ring, calling it a major faux pas.

Oh really?

Au contraire, Mr. Allen. What Mike did is actually considered to be proper etiquette for family dining in such a formal situation, according to multiple sources.

Good Housekeeping etiquette expert and advice columnist for iVillage.com, Peggy Post, says, “Traditionally, napkin rings were used informally and at family dinners so that cloth napkins could be reused. Each person had a distinct napkin ring. If the napkin was still clean, it was placed back in the ring at the end of the meal in order to be used again.”

Post does go on to point out that this is generally no longer the case as napkin rings are generally used for decorative purposes and cloth napkins are not as common at family dinners as they would be at dinner parties or upscale restaurants.

Need more proof or perhaps a more qualified opinion? There’s no one more revered in the world of etiquette than Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners. In her book, Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Martin concurs with Post’s opinion by stating that such an action is only required at a family dinner setting, such as what we saw on last night’s episode.

“Actually, it is always politely presumed that napkins are never reused,” Martin writes, “the only exception being the family dinner, at which each person folds his or her napkin and inserts it into the proper napkin ring. A houseguest may follow this procedure also.” Indeed, Cousin Mike even did refold the napkin.

So, Mr. Allen, I’ve taken the liberty of looking through the Learning Annex catalogue for upcoming classes here in New York City. Sadly, I couldn’t find any upcoming classes on learning proper manners for the 21st century, but I’m sure I’ll find something for you soon. Meanwhile, don’t judge the family too harshly until you make sure you are up to date.

C. Brian Devinney is a human resources consultant from New York City. When not reporting on reality TV, he can be found rooting on his beloved Yankees, writing in his online diary, Tales From the City, or designing new items for his online store BlogGear.com. He can be reached at TheRealityFactor@aol.com.

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