Married by America, Episode 2: Get On With It!

Our host, whom we have nicknamed Goober, is back and after what was a pretty slow start to the show on Monday, it can’t get much worse, can it? This time we only have to endure two people’s matchmaking sessions – Jennifer and Matt, both from Atlanta.

Now before we get into this full recap let me just clarify something that Fox has not done a good job of explaining to the point where I, in a rare moment, was wrong. They are not getting married on Monday – just engaged. That whole “married sight unseen” thing they have been proclaiming in the promos was about as true as claiming that Evan would be making his final decision in that arduous gigantic, “I’m only here to extend the show for February sweeps” episode of Joe Millionaire.

The process is never fully explained but the couples get engaged on Monday night and meet for the first time. From there, they move in (assumedly as a large group) to a huge house where they will start to plan their wedding. Then somehow America has yet another say in all of this and we get to eliminate three of the couples until only two of them are left to make it to the altar, where they will then decide whether or not they will get married. If they do get married and remain married for at least six months, they get some other large prize package as well. Those are the rules and damn I wish I could be more helpful with them and explain some of the intricacies, but this show is about as explainable as the judging in the supermodel competition on Star Search.

Sadly, the first fifteen minutes of this show are taken up with recaps. Thankfully we don’t get all 25 eligible singles walking through one more time but we do get, oh joy of my young gay life, the complete recaps and interviews with Jennifer and Matt about their lives and why they are doing the show. I swear if I could play my two tapes side by side, I would think they took their on-stage interview sessions from Monday night’s show and just stuck them in at the very beginning of this show.

Jennifer is up first and she’s isolated in the booth with her headphones on and I have to admit that compared to Billie Jeanne and Jill from Monday night, she’s the one who least looks like someone I’d want to slap. The field of five will be narrowed down by her team of three judges, made up of her brother Stephen (who is kinda hot in his own right), her mom Joyce, and her friend Alicia.

Goober asks the judges why Jennifer is doing this and they say that she prides herself on being self sufficient and mom goes as far as to say that America always makes great choices and here I am thinking, “Explain the Ronald Reagan years. Explain how they let Dubya into the White House. Oy vey, Mom.”

So let’s meet the final five guys who will be vying for the chance to possibly marry Jennifer. We have:

1) Joshua, a 25-year-old investment banker from NYC. Consensus is that he is a hottie.

2) Xavier, the 29-year-old European clothing importer from France and who is now living in Boston.

3) Scott is next and he a sales guy originally from Tulsa who is now living in L.A. and says that he’s doing this because they never would have met in a bar. Um, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

4) Paul is next and he’s so damn hot. If you remember, he’s the one that when he hit the screen I kinda went “whoa” and completely lost track of time. I finally learn what he does though – he’s a web developer and screenwriter from L.A. And he’s so damn hot. Have I mentioned that?

5) Jeremy, who is a total freak show, is 30, works in advertising, and hails from, as he says it, Hotlanta. Now, according to my friends who live in Atlanta, only people who have recently moved there call it Hotlanta.

First is the group question that all of them will have to answer. What is the one thing that they would be willing to change to please their partner? Now my answer to this is not a damn thing because I’m who I am because of all of my little idiosyncrasies and dammit, maybe I’ll remember to immediately put my clothes in the laundry bag once I get home from the gym instead of letting them sit in my bag. But please... this is who I am and I like me, dammit. If they don’t want me for me then I don’t need them.

Then again, this could explain why I’m still single.

Paul is first and he says that marriage involves a complete change of being with the single “I” turning into the partnered “we” and having all of the considerations that two separate people have become one unit. The only thing he can count on in going into a marriage is change. He apologizes for his rambling answer but I knew what he was talking about.

Joshua says his parents have been married for over 31 years and he knows that they have given one hundred percent to each other; making this commitment means moving from being focused one hundred percent on himself to one hundred percent on his wife.

Jeremy says that besides learning to answer everything with, “Yes, my queen,” he says he’s been too focused on his job as of late and must be willing to make his wife his first priority. He’s now at a point in his life when he feels he can do it. Does anyone else think Jeremy is just trying a wee bit too hard here?

Xavier says that change has been a part of his entire life and people who don’t change are going backwards and he’s pretty much willing to change anything. Suck up. God. Change anything even if you hate the change? That’s dumb.

Scott says he has learned a lot from this experience and his parents have instilled things in him about compromise. He will do what it takes to make both of them happy.