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Fraternity Life, Episode 2: Pledges Come and Pledges GoPage 2
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The next morning, it's very early (6:48AM) and we see that some pledges decided to sleep on the porch, rather than be late for their 7AM meeting. Not surprisingly, some of the pledges are late - by a long shot. The brothers send the pledges off to find their missing comrades, and Brother Mike tells us that they've never had pledges late on the first day. Wow, really? I find this hard to believe. After a few stragglers arrive (but not all 11 pledges), Alex tells us that since some people were late, they all have to clean the entire house from top to bottom. Note to Alex: sweetie, I think you would have had to clean the house anyway; the brothers just used this as an excuse.
Earl tells us that this morning, he noticed, "the brothers live in absolute filth." (He just now noticed??) At this point, we are treated to our very first musical interlude-meets-action sequence, a la Scooby-Doo. Remember when Scooby and the gang were running away from a monster and a groovy '70s song would play over. It would usually end with a loud crash, as the gang slammed into each other, or something like that. In much the same vein, we're given the pledges in a fast-forward montage of cleaning. After it's over, Earl notes that his "hands smell like ass" and then he goes and sniffs them again. Thank God they kept this boy around. Finally, Ron T. and Ron M. (aka: Dweedle Dumb and Dweedle Dork) arrive just when the cleaning is over, and the present pledges voice their disgruntlement over the fact that they had to clean the entire house while Dumb and Dork slept.
Magically, it's now nighttime and we're at a football game with only the brothers. Ron G. (our alumni brother who vouched for Pledge Mike to the fraternity) is informed in a telephone call from Colin that Pledge Mike actually belonged to another fraternity, and lied to them about it. Ron G. can't understand why a guy (that being Pledge Mike) would disaffiliate himself from another fraternity at another school and join this one. RING! Wow, it's the Clue Phone again, and it's for Ron G. Hmmm… let's see, why on Earth (note the sarcasm) would a boy do that? TO GET ON MTV, bozo!
Next, the pledges are shown the official MTV… er…. Sigma Chi Omega Pledge House. Can we just stop here a moment? No, I'm serious, can we just stop here and never go back to the brothers' SCO house? That place is a pigsty, even cleaned up. The Pledge House has been given a Real World-like makeover. Honey, they have carpet, fabulous color on the walls, their own matching beds and sheets, Internet connection (w/ flat screen monitor), and even a boom-boom room (read: a tawdry place where they can get together with girls for gratuitous nudity). The room looks like it was done in an early Debbie Does Dallas motif. In other words, it does the trick.
At this point, we're informed that Matt has de-pledged, because his parents weren't buying the load of bull he and Colin were trying to sell them. Jake (last week's winner of Honorary Gay Boy of the Week!) makes a much-overdue appearance and explains that he "can definitely sympathize with Matt and his situation." Jake says this shows that Matt was sincere and doing this all for the right reasons. You go, Jake, with your props for Matt! (Note to MTV: Feature this boy more prominently next episode.)
Next we get even more Alex (not that I'm complaining), blabbering to his girlfriend Lindsay (the aforementioned bitch). Alex finally makes a stand and tells Lindsay he is finally doing something for himself. You go, boy! It is for this reason that I officially crown Alex with Honorary Gay Boy of the Week. Frankly, there weren't many contenders. However, this shouldn't take away from Alex. He wins for finally standing up to Lindsay (the aforementioned bitch); for his drama queen tears when he was worried about his relationship; for showing us a little chest action, slyly leaving his shirt unbuttoned in interviews; and frankly, for hogging the spotlight on this episode, which all gay boys love to do (including me).
Back to the episode, Ron G. finally has it out with Pledge Mike, confronting him with his new knowledge about Mike's previous fraternity. Ron sends Mike off with his tail between his legs after a good tongue lashing, and now we're officially down to nine of the original 11 pledges. Then Ron T. and Ron M. drop out, citing "irreconcilable differences" (read: they just can't cut it). So we're left with seven pledges.
Cue my man George, the fraternity's official Pledgemaster (and quite dreamy), who informs the pledges in his usual bad ass manner that the house isn't theirs yet, and they can have no alcohol from now till initiation (if they get initiated). Pledge Paul comes on to tell us he's nervous, because this is the first meeting with his Daddy… er…. Pledgemaster, and he wants "to make a good showing." Also, the Assistant Pledgemaster (who knew there was one?) Brian comes on to tell us that these boys won't be initiated until they get to know the brothers and learn what the brothers want them to know. Brian is a cute little fireplug himself; I see an award in his future (if he's lucky). Pledgemaster George makes everyone get down and do "push-ups," and I used quotation marks around the word "push-ups" because when these boys do push-ups, it ain't push-ups. Folks, I know it's hard to envision your humble columnist in Army Basic Training - but that's where I was for 10 long weeks. I know how to do a push-up, believe me. I can also wrap my legs behind my neck, for those interested. Ba-dum-bum. Anyway, these boys are horrible. None of them do it the right way; with half of them, their butts are in the air so high you'd think they were auditioning for a part in a gay porn movie. As my old Drill Sergeant Dawkins said to me back in the day when I totally sucked (no jokes, please): "Priiiiiiiivate Wolgamott, haven't you done one push-up yet?" Ah… those were the days.
Next week: Pledge Earl apparently needs driving lessons, and Pledgemaster George gets into it with Pledge Steve. Ta-ta!
Brent Wolgamott is a sophomore at North Carolina State University, majoring in chemistry. He enjoys tennis, running, and reality TV. He was also once a contestant on his favorite show, The Price is Right, and won over $8,000 in prizes. After completing his stint in the U.S. Army, he met the love of his life, McCrae Hardy, and he lives with him and their two cats, Shelby and Frank, in Raleigh, North Carolina. He is also a member of the board of the local chapter of the ACLU, working to protect your rights. Brent always loves to hear your thoughts on his writing, and he can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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