Star Search, March 7: I'm Speechless!

Tonight I invited my singing partner Mary to watch the show with me. I wanted to get her opinion of the proceedings. Is this show really that bad or am I exaggerating? My posse did not fail me! I'm still not sure what happened.

In the interest of time and space some categories will be covered only briefly. There is one particular area of focus for tonight's episode so I hope you won't mind.

Hold on, we're in for a bumpy evening.

The guest judge was Usher. He must have been late getting to the theatre. He was still wearing his racing gloves.

In the Category of Junior Singer:

Two 10-year-olds competed. Both were cute and talented. There's not much else to say:

To the Young Dancers:

Okay, this is where the wheels start to come off. The first contestant is a break-dancer, like we've seen in several previous shows. Old lady Judd told him he needed to "loosen up" and gave him a 2. I've watched this show five times and a score of 2 is rare. Or at least was until tonight. The audience boos and I chalk it up to hormonal fluctuations.

The next act, "Tapsounds Underground," was very good. They also had very stylish outfits. Usher agreed with Mary and me on that. He and Ahmet both gave them a score of 5. Cranky old Ben mentioned for the zillionth time that he covered ballet for the Washington Post and gave them a 3. OK, hold onto your hats: Naomi picks up and moves away from the other judges, saying she needs to "distance herself" from the others. Then she said she loves tap especially when done by white people, but where will they work? Even Arsenio didn't have a comeback for that. I don't know why she bothered to wear that loud turquoise dress - she could have just grabbed a white sheet off of her bed and worn that. Naomi, you're not in Alabama or wherever it is you come from. The South will never rise again, not with you as a spokeswoman. I'm sure these dancers will have no problem getting work. If they're desperate they can always go to Nashville.

The comedians. As usual, they were pretty damn bad and received the lowest scores of the evening. I do have to say that I've seen worse on this show. Mary found that hard to believe. If she watches another week she'll be a believer.

Adult singers to wrap it up or, as I'm sure Arsenio would say, "to bring it on home."

It was a female rapper Lakiya against a folksy singer named Breeze. Breeze is a guy, not a stripper. Note to Breeze: Change your name. Naomi must have been jumped by Arsenio during the commercial because as she gave Lakiya the rapper her score she said "I love diversity." Who would make up this stuff? Naomi also wished that she could have understood the words to Lakiya's rap. I think she wants to use the song in her act. She'll be playing at Da Gran Ol Opry.

So that was another night of Star Search. I'm sorry I didn't mention the heartbreaks of the various contestants. As a compromise I'll give you list. See if you can match them to the right contestant: ADD, dyslexia, suicide, a knee injury, and, of course, being white tap dancers. I'll give you the correct answers when Star Search wins an Emmy award. Mary is still in shock. She asked that I mention how awful Arsenio Hall is. Been there. Done that. I will, however, give a "shout out" on Mary's behalf to Naomi Judd. "Hey Naomi! No one cares about you anymore. Go home."

Stay tuned!

Kathy Taylor lives in California and can be reached at farbissiner@yahoo.com. In addition to her groundbreaking work in the field of reality TV, Kathy is an accomplished long distance swimmer and a singer (performing regularly with her partner Mary Moreno).

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