Being Jeff Probstovich – Survivor: The Amazon, Episode 4: Hallelujah, Oh Glory, Hallelujah, Amen!

Being Jeff Probstovich is a fantasy column where soundbites from Survivor castaways are taken, warped, and misquoted into faux-interviews with the show's host, Jeff Probst.

JoAnnna is not the first strong Survivor contestant taken out by an alliance of weaker players, and she probably won't be the last. But in her case she certainly did some things to put a big, red bullseye on her back. I caught up with her after Tribal Council to discuss where she may have faltered and what she could have done differently in order to stay in the game.

Probstovich: Were you surprised you got voted off tonight? A lot of folks would have thought it would be Shawna.

JoAnna: I'm shocked, but not surprised, Jeff. I am very strong. A lot of people found me intimidating, especially Deena. But that's the nature of the game of Survivor, to get rid of the person who threatens you. And Deena's smart, because I would have shut her down if she had stepped to me.

Probstovich: Your strong work ethic and religious belief didn't seem to work for you in the rain forest. Were the other members of your tribe just sinful little heathens, or what?

JoAnna: A lot of people in the tribe were there for other reasons. They were there because of the "I'm beautiful and I want the world to see my body" type idea. I just couldn't buy into that.

Probstovich: I guess you're not into the 'enhanced' look either. So, tell me, what's harder to stomach about being voted out: leaving a tribe where there majority of people depended on you bringing home the bacon, or fish as it were, or losing to a majority of people who just thought they were prettier than you?

JoAnna: I was extremely unaware of the fact that people thought that they were more beautiful or prettier than me, because I don't feel that way. I wasn't intimidated by them at all and my body is just as beautiful as anyone's out there, and it's in a natural state. And I do hope that those little emaciated girls will be able to survive without me catching the fish.

Probstovich: Fat chance on the fish! I want to ask you about some of your tribemates. Jenna, describe her in one word.

JoAnna: That trollop? Jeff, my belief in Jesus prevents me from speaking bad things about other people. But there were some trifling folks in the group.

Probstovich: Heidi, describe her in one word.

JoAnna: That strumpet? As I've said before, Jeff, my belief in Jesus prevents me from speaking bad things about other people. But there were some vainglorious folks in Jaburu.

Probstovich: Some of the people in your tribe seemed to think it was a beauty pageant? Isn't that strange, being out here in the middle of the Amazon rain forest?

JoAnna: Yes, Jeff, a lot of the people in my tribe had this agenda that they were going to be a spokesmodel or something. But beauty is deceitful and favor is vain and the woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.

Probstovich: You gave that advice to your tribe, didn't you?

JoAnna: Yes, I did. I told them that beauty will fade with time, that only your virtue and character is what will last, and also that a penny saved is a penny earned.

Probstovich: Do you think they'll heed that advice?

JoAnna: Unfortunately, Jeff, no. Anything worth having is worth working for, you can't expect stuff to just drop in your lap. But the majority of people left on the tribe thought that way. I tried to show that you can be strong and carry yourself well and there is life outside of Survivor. Of course, I was voted out, so what do I really know?

Probstovich: You know a lot about the game of Life, but unfortunately for you, this is the game of Survivor. What was the scariest thing you saw after being out in the Amazon for almost two weeks?

JoAnna: Without a doubt, watching the guys from Tambaqui suck up to the younger girls during that reward challenge when we won the soap and shampoo. It was like watching outtakes from Blind Date. Some of those guys have no game.

Probstovich: What was the hardest thing about your "adventure of a lifetime?"

JoAnna: You mean besides having to eat moldy, maggot-filled manioc cakes for breakfast every morning? The constant battles. You're fighting everything. You're fighting the elements. You're fighting hunger. You're fighting the fish that are stealing your bait.

Probstovich: Who knew there was so much fighting on Survivor? It sounds more like WWE.

JoAnna: You're fighting the other tribe. You're fighting each other. You're fighting feminine itch, and there's no convenient drugstore right around the corner. There's so many battles going on and you're just not used to that 24 hours a day.