Survivor Psyche, Episode 4: Called Home

"I work and I slave…"

Last week, camp commandant Roger routed the last "slacker" from his Tambaqui fortress, but in this episode, the Jaburu elders' attempt at domestic order ends in a coup reminiscent of the Samburu kids. Is their victim witchy Jeanne, her familiar JoAnna, or maybe delegated-leader Deena? (If you don't know already, check out the episode title for a clue.)

Jeanne and JoAnna are free to focus on the running of the camp, now that Deena has gotten things into proper order, and are convinced that everyone sees their logic. "Everyone should be enthusiastic," Jeanne explains with deadpan conviction. But, just like the Samburu kids from Survivor: Africa, Jenna, Shawna, and Heidi stage a typical teenage revolt by doing a whole lot of nothing. "It's getting to be a total martyr thing and it's driving the tribe up the wall," fumes Shawna. Jeanne and JoAnna have become passive/aggressive alarm clocks by getting up early and making just enough noise doing chores to wake up the sleeping beauties in the shelter. Not that the princesses feel compelled to get up and do their chores. Heidi privately admits, "My philosophy about Jeanne and JoAnna is - you wanna do all this extra work - by all means do it. I am going to sit here and maybe take a nap and I guarantee I'm gonna get ahead of you in the game." This is the same vacuous pseudo-strategy that The Robfather used in Survivor: Marquesas, and we all remember how far it got him. "The bigger women have more fat to live on. They obviously can put out more effort. Then you've got the smaller girls that are the stay-at-home women - O.K.?" Heidi chirps. So while the evil stepsisters loll around camp, the evil stepmothers pitch in. Christy (aka Cinderella) is quietly getting the job done behind the scenes without any self-aggrandizement. The princesses have adopted the GenX attitude of getting by with as little effort as possible. Even though Christy falls into this age range, her circumstances and career choice have led her to be self-reliant, like the older women. And as mothers, Deena, JoAnna, and Jeanne have learned that if you want to get something done, you wake up early and do it yourself. Jeanne and JoAnna would like to adorn their camp with the banner, "Your mother doesn't live here. Clean up your own mess."

JoAnna continues her evangelical ministry to her unenlightened tribemates. As JoAnna harangues the baffled girls with, "Anything worth having and worth workin' hard for you can't just expect to drop in your lap," she gets vacuous stares and polite nods. But, the word of the Lord is never far from JoAnna's lips and when she launches into another sermon, "Beauty is deceitful, and favor is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised," the girls move from passivity to huffiness. A perplexed Heidi is thinking, "She said "Beauty," but she isn't telling me how pretty I am?"

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Before we repeat the incredibly vapid, superficial, and vain remarks that Heidi and Jenna now make, let us remind everyone of just how young these "women," are. Jenna is the youngest at 21, Shawna is 23, and Heidi is the Grande Dame at 24.

Jenna and Heidi's juvenile explanation of Jeanne and JoAnna's disapproval is the age-old lament, "they're just jealous!" Heidi says JoAnna was "trying to pick on the 'cute' girls." Jenna says, "Don't be mad because we have good bodies. It's not our fault - get over it!" Think what you like of JoAnna, but the fact is that she's very attractive and buff, with muscle-definition that a fitness trainer would envy. If you believed everything the cheerleaders were saying, you'd think she was built like Jabba the Hut. In fact, none of the women are at all out-of-shape - they just don't look like a bunch of coat trees with hair. And the cuties aren't done yet. Heidi is still spouting off her fatuous strategy. "What happens when you're cute little girls - it's very easy to be ganged up on. If you have all of the little girls against the 'bigger' girls at least we have three against somebody else." (If Heidi and Jenna were as smart as they claim to be, they would have carbed up before getting into a situation where starvation would be a factor. But that would take away from their cuteness, and if you can't count every bump in your sternum - you're a cow!)

The Facts of Life

Heidi, Jenna, and Shawna decide to recruit the services of a "big" girl for the all-important fourth vote, and approach Deena. Although Deena admits she has nothing in common with them, she readily agrees to ally with the three, because she can "talk and persuade" a younger crowd. Deena has now become Mrs. Garrett the housekeeper to Blair, Cindy, and Nancy.