Reality High Test Results, Survivor: The Amazon, Episode 4 – You’re Standing on My Neck

"Close enough. So what's up with her?"

"Let's see... she did most of the work, bossed people around in the immunity challenge, and gave the 'cute girls' a lecture on how beauty fades but virtue is forever."

"Oh good grief. Why didn't she just go around asking people to vote her off?"

"Funny you should mention that..."

"No. She didn't."

"No, she didn't. But the third 'cute girl,' Shawna, is the second person on this tribe to fall prey to the dreaded 'This is harder than I thought and I want out' Syndrome. The first was this woman Janet, who chalked being on the show up to a midlife crisis and recommended the women of America change their hairstyle instead."

"So much for 'I am woman hear me roar.' Maybe it's something in the water."

"Besides boiled underwear, you mean."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?"

"Oh yeah. The 'cute girls' made boiling their underwear and buffs one of their immediate priorities."

"You're kidding me. Before their shelter was even finished?"

"Yup."

"Oh, help me. Shelter, schmelter – our panties are as fresh as a daisy! Although that could explain a lot."

"What?"

"Does drinking yeast cause irrational and delusional behavior?"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!"

"Well, you have to admit it would explain--"

"I'm like a bird – I'll only fly awaaaaaay--"

"OK, I'll stop. So you're saying Shawna actually went around asking to be voted out?"

"Yeah. When she wasn't lying down going on and on and on about how weak and tired and depressed she was and she couldn't feel happy about anything and this was the worst she's ever felt in her whole life and she couldn't make it for another thirty days--"

"Well, if she keeps that up she won't have to worry about it."

"Exactly."

"Seriously – honey, either tell the producers you quit or SHUT UP."

"Which is exactly what Deena said."

"I don't know who this Deena is but I like her already."

"Well, she's kind of the sensible one – the one who makes sure things get done. She basically told Shawna that she felt that way because she was dehydrated and if she drank water to become rehydrated, she'd feel better."

"That's sensible."

"Yeah. But it seemed to go in one ear and out the other because Shawna kept going on and on and on..."

"Oy."

"And Deena was annoyed because she'd just formed an alliance with Shawna, Heidi and Jenna."

"The Cute Clique?!? Oh, yeah. That's real sensible."

"Well, she seemed to think she'd have more influence and weight with them."

"More likely they'll vote her off for having more weight at the first opportunity."

"Not necessarily. First of all, Jeanne and JoAnna were teaming up and starting to angle to get Deena booted, so she really couldn't side with them. Secondly, things are kind of up for grabs after the voting."

"Because Shawna left?"

"Oh no. She stayed. They voted off one of their strongest members instead."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!? Are they NUTS?!?"

"Well... it was JoAnna."

"Oh! In that case, all's forgiven. So Shawna's hopefully going to snap out of it?"

"Nah... next week it looks like we're right back to the Camille of the Capybaras routine."

"Oy. Would it be against the rules to kill her and eat her?"

"Probably."

"Too bad. At least then they could get some productive use out of her. Because with keeping a member who's basically dead weight, aren't they kind of screwed?"

"Depends. Actually, I think Deena could come out of this in the catbird seat."

"How so?"

"Well, she got Christy to vote along with her, Jenna, and Heidi. What she needs to do, and if she's as smart as I think she is hopefully this will occur to her, is form a tight suballiance with Christy and agree to remain a solid voting unit. Shawna's probably going to be the next to go, if for no other reason than to shut her up so they can have some peace and quiet. After that, the two of them, if necessary, have the power to cancel out Heidi and Jenna. They could either stick with them to boot Jeanne, who's now a clear outsider, or they could jump ship and band with Jeanne to oust Heidi or Jenna if they prove to be a problem. Actually, in some ways that might be smarter given the mentality of the men."

"Horndogs?"