Married by America, Episode 3: Engagements All Around

Stepping in to recap yet another show I hadn’t seen, aren’t I just a risk taker? Taking over for Brian is pretty daunting since those are big shoes to fill, and since he lives in New York I’m sure they are far more stylish than my shoes, but I’ll give it a shot.

This is the engagement episode and if you missed the first two shows it will make no sense to you, so go back and read the previous recaps and come back to this one. It’s okay... I’ll wait. (Episode 1 and Episode 2)

Everyone up to speed on there being five single people and their family and friends narrowing the field of many down to two candidates each, which America voted for and we find out tonight who is getting engaged? When I say “America” I am referring to the small subset of Americans who have seen this show and cared enough to vote. Just to be clear, as they refer throughout the show to America as a whole making this decision and I don’t think we as a country should be held accountable for the train wrecks that may occur.

So on to the episode. The candidates have been sequestered for two weeks, no newspapers, TV, no contact with the outside world. Good, not like there is anything newsworthy going on like say, possible war or our crumbling economy or anything like that, so I’m sure they didn’t miss much. The format is a beauty pageant type stage with a contender on either side until the winner is announced, at which point the loser walks off stage and the chosen one saunters down the aisle to join the host, Sean Valentine, to await their reward, errr, fiancé. There is a faux door suspended from the ceiling which is made of some kind of opaque paper or plastic where you can see shadows only, not nearly as see-through as Jennifer’s dress, as we will see later. And there is a hole in the door for the woman to stick her hand through in order to receive the ring to get engaged sight unseen. The door looks like nothing so much as a screen one changes behind in some emergency rooms. How very sexy.

A word about the fashions. The men are in various styles for formal wear and the women are all in white formals with wedding hair; few people look good with wedding hair and no one looks good in ringlets. This is why brides require them of their bridesmaids so they can look silly and by comparison be more beautiful.

First up is Jill and the two men her family chose for her: Kevin and Markus. Awaiting America’s choice, Kevin looks confident and Markus looks nervous. Prophetic it appears as Kevin is chosen and he comes down to get the ring with which to present Jill. He is asked if he is sure, and he is... she is asked the same and she is also sure. They are told this is the last chance to back out. Actually, not though, I mean unless this is some kind of deal with the devil (which I am not ruling out) they can change their mind at any time, after all this is free country and all that. But maybe Kevin doesn’t know that as he’s been sequestered for two weeks and perhaps he thinks now mandatory marriages are required, but I digress. So everyone is sure and Jill walks down the runway to her side of the door and awaits her proposal. I will transcribe the actual proposals verbatim in case any of them stay married and want them saved for all eternity. Oh, come on, you know I’m just doing this because it’s better than anything I could make up and it’s funny and I do love to mock.

Kevin: Jill?

Jill: Yes? (as she puts her hand through the hole in the door)

Kevin: That’s a pretty hand.

Jill: Thank you.

Kevin: Many a day and many a night have passed through my life wondering when this day might come. I never imagined it to be like this.

Jill: Neither did I.

Kevin: I just want you to know that I will be true, I will be honest, loving, and very supportive of all your heart’s desires...

Jill: Well thank you very...

Kevin: Well, I’m not done yet. (laughter from audience) Typical woman, I think. I didn’t mean that... oh I take that back. But I look forward from this day forward all the sunrises and sunsets with you. I just want you to know with my whole heart and soul I ask you today, will you marry me?

Jill: That is the sweetest thing. I mean I’ve always thought about this day for a long time since I was a little girl. Never did I expect to have it done this way. Kevin, you sound like a great guy, I’m very excited, and yes, I accept your proposal.

My own personal thoughts are that Jill will never forget the sexist comment tossed in there and if they stay together he’ll pay for that. Over and over, I’m thinking.

The door goes up and they see each other, hug and some polite chit chat. She hopes her dad wasn’t too hard on him and he says it was a challenge but he told him he would answer to him as he answers to his own father. Unless we know how he treats his own dad that means nothing.