Surviving the Amazon, Episode 5: All Shook Up!

Wow - a banner episode. Roger didn't say anything offensive and Heidi didn't use the word "cute" even once!

It's morning on Day 13, and we're in Jaburu, the women's camp. Deena says that with JoAnna gone, she feels in control. She's the alpha-female, the top dog. Oh, and Jeanne's "unbelievably pissed off."

Jeanne says she can't believe the way the vote went - Shawna is such a liability and needed to go, but instead the voted off the strongest. Smart.

Shawna whines about how ironic it is that her own alliance is trapping her in the game. Awwww. Apparently she is unable to just say, "I'm leaving!" She says nobody respects the fact that she's falling apart. She's half right - nobody respects her. Deena notes that her condition is 70% mental and they are not going to sacrifice themselves for her, so she needs to just buck up!

Over at Tambaqui, the men are being manly men. In particular, Alex is chopping a pretty thick branch. He says they are getting the hang of it out there, walking around like it's their backyard. Hmmm. Foreshadowing. That doesn't bode well. Sure enough, as he breaks the branch he gets whacked in the forehead and cuts it open. The others ice it down with a cold Coke and then patch him up.

Back in Jaburu, Jeanne calls a tribe meeting to discuss what she overheard the previous night because some of the others (like Deena) were talking rather loudly. She says that she heard them saying that her problem is that she isn't part of the team. Deena says no, they were talking about Christy in the first three days. Still, Jeanne's not happy. She says the others are unified because they hang around camp while she is out there. So she's going to hang around and they can go out. So there! Deena says she can have at it. Privately, she notes that Jeanne is "sweating her panties" because she knows she's next to go.

Both tribes get treemail telling the youngest member to follow a map alone for some wine and laughter (it said "wine" not "whine," so Shawna wasn't going to be there). Dave is the youngest on Tambaqui and Rob is annoyed that "the golden boy" gets to go. Jenna is the youngest on Jaburu, although Jeanne questions exactly what "youngest" means - maybe it's young at heart. Deena says they don't all age differently, like cheese. Youngest means youngest. Nice try, Jeanne.

Dave and Jenna arrive, after a long paddle on the boat, at a bungalow. Host Jeff Probst says in the Amazon there is a saying (and if there wasn't before, dammit, they're gonna make it up anyway): History belongs to old men, the village belongs to adults, and opportunity belongs to the young. He adds that they can treat this as a break from their tribes, as a strategic opportunity, whatever they want. They have food, wine, a shower, towels, slippers, robes, and a bed - yes, I said a bed. Mark Burnett is still not giving up on the possibility of getting a couple of contestants together.

Dave says they immediately get out of their stinky clothes and into the robes, then they eat and drink. Jenna immediately starts blabbing tribal secrets. She says they don't do much talking about Jaburu (so I guess it's been pent up inside and it all comes out now). She tells him she's really close with Heidi and Shawna doesn't want to be there. Dave wonders privately if she really wanted to be revealing this! But Jenna keeps right on going. Jeanne is next to be voted out. Blab, blab, blab. Dave finally chimes in a bit about Tambaqui, but he seems to talk more just about who they are rather than strategic stuff. He also mentions that Rob talks about Heidi's breasts and they all talk about Jenna's sexy ass. Ooookay.

Dave takes the first shower and notes that the walls are made of palm fronds and are "semi-translucent." Um, that's not what the word means, Rocket Scientist, but we know what you mean. When Jenna showers next she says he's gonna see her breasts! Yeah, he knows. He thinks it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to him. Oh, man, go buy yourself a Playboy, Dave. He's giving geeks a bad name. Jenna says this is the best reward ever because all she had to do was be born in the right year. Then they hit the sack, but, alas, Burnett will have to wait - all they do is sleep.

When they wake up the following morning, Dave says he slept well and Jenna did not kick or bite or snore. Hmmm. I wonder just what goes on in the Tambaqui sleeping area…

After a big breakfast, Probst shows up, and they know something's gonna happen. Indeed, they're right. He dumps out tiles with every remaining player's name on them. Dave and Jenna have to draft new tribes. They pick alternatively, have to begin with a member of the opposite sex, and then go male/female.

Dave privately notes that Jenna suddenly regretted all the talking she'd done the previous night. She talked a lot about how she is allied with Heidi and how strong Heidi is. So who is Dave's first pick? Heidi. Heh. Jenna says she was her rock, she wanted to cry. Awww.

Jenna picks Alex. Dave takes Butch. Jenna gets Deena. Dave takes Christy (remember, he had heard about the problems with Shawna and Jeanne). Jenna gets Rob. Dave takes Roger. Jenna picks Shawna (I guess she'd rather have a whiner than Jeanne), leaving Jeanne for Dave and Matthew for Jenna. So, just to be clear, here are the new tribes: