Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes - A Midseason Review

So, I've exposed myself to Real World/Road Rules: Battle of the Sexes for the past nine weeks. Oddly enough, it hasn't damaged me the way I thought it would. Yes, I have told Julie, Ellen, Puck, and Emily to shut up several times. Sure, I cringed when Melissa nearly froze herself stiff sitting on a huge chunk of ice. But I like the half-hour format, as opposed to the days I spent transcribing and writing recaps for Dog Days. By the way, could somebody tell Animal Planet to rerun the damn episodes, so I can record them all on one tape?

This past Monday, MTV aired a special episode of Diary, pre-empting BOTS. With a war impending, it was a good move to show life in Kuwait. Now try and balance that with airing Fraternity Life and Sorority Life. And trying to force a chicken to lay one last golden egg in The Osbournes. And shelving Clone High, the first animated series not to reek since Celebrity Deathmatch and Daria. Still, I did appreciate the week off. Seeing how there might not be a "halfway there" special like last year, I'll go over the highlights, in chronological order. In separate articles coming within the next few days, I will also review the men and the women, discussing what we've learned about them and going over some memorable moments. Now, on with the highlights:

1. Julie vs. Melissa: Best Friends For-never

Once again, I have to confess that I am a fan of Melissa. So it pained me to see her go after Julie and look like a bitch in the process. If you're outside the Bunim-Murray alumni loop, let me put it in simple terms: Eminem wishes he were as slim and as shady as Julie. Since the editors feel that an angry Melissa is the only kind worth airing, they made Julie look like the victim, which is total bull. If Julie had stayed, it would have been a disaster. Can you imagine a Julie/Ellen/Emily triumvirate? Girls would've been swimming from Jamaica to avoid that. Bottom line: you don't ever have to see Julie again, and that's a good thing. Unless you're a fan of Blind Date, then I'm sorry to tell you that she might be popping up there, even though she has a boyfriend.

2. David E. vs. Puck: When Lunatics Fight

Part of me thinks this was staged. BMP couldn't find an eighteenth guy, so they call David. He gets in a fight with his neighbor Puck, who proceeds to spit water on him. David, enraged beyond all belief, wants Puck to leave, going so far as to call executive producer Jon Murray to bitch about it. Once Murray comes down and boots Puck, darn near everybody protests, and Puck's let back in.

If this wasn't staged, then I have to forever doubt David's intelligence and sanity. Getting Puck kicked off should have been a piece of cake. But he ends up blowing it, says something about how Jesus Christ couldn't spit on him, and leaves the show. In Colin's recap, it turns out that David did spit on Puck during the filming of the opening credits. Then he spat on Beth, and Ayanna almost killed him because some of it landed on her. Can you believe Puck and David are over 30? It's a good guess that might be their combined IQ.

3. Amaya & Melissa: Miracle at Montego Bay

This isn't about girls triumphing over guys in Sergeant Says, the Simon Says game with a military flavor. True, the men didn't give their counterparts any chance of winning. No, this was about the two girls nobody, not even me, expected to triumph: Amaya and Melissa.

Amaya is the voluptuous beauty who got injured repeatedly during Challenge 2000, while Melissa stands less than five feet and can be twirled by the stronger contestants. I get the feeling that they were here because the other was here, much like Danny and Kelley on Battle of the Seasons last year. By paying attention to the drill instructor, they outlasted the other 17 pairs to win. This wasn't the United States beating the Soviets in the 1980 Winter Games. No, this was along the lines of having Angola beat the U.S. Dream Team in 1992. As a bonus, we got the wild celebration afterwards. Definitely one of the best highlights of the year thus far.

4. You Can Handle the Ruthie

When I heard Ruthie was on this show, I figured her coverage would come down to half the people there giving her drinks, and the other half knocking the drinks out of her hand. The lack of teaser highlights during the preview raised my antenna, much like JoAnna Ward was barely on the Survivor: The Amazon preview DVD. In other words, I thought Ruthie was going home early.

Cut to Ruthie in Dead Man's Drop, hanging onto a bar with her legs, having all the time in the world. And she checked her watch while upside-down. Suddenly her antics on Real World: Hawaii were starting to fade away. She had come to play, leading the other girls for seven straight events before getting overtaken by Ellen. Not to mention Ruthie gives the best confessionals. Something about her voice, her eyes, the smile on her face. She's a lock to make the final team at the end of the season.