Reality High Test Results, Survivor: The Amazon, Episode 5 – Be-Switched, Bothered, and Bewildered

By the way – Alex? If Shawna starts asking you to carry her backpack to tribal council and do challenges for her? RUN. Run like the wind. And next week, according to the CBS.com previews, it looks like Matthew gets into the act as well and makes his own play for Shawna! Hey, why bother playing the game when you can reenact Pretty in Pink?

Moving right along:

9. Are you obligated to help a tribemate with a disability?
A. Yes
B. No
C. No, but it's a nice gesture

Butch chose "C." Like I've said before, the other castaways are under no obligation to make any concessions to Christy, but still, it was nice to see. And Christy definitely appreciated it, telling the guys she felt much more welcome and a part of things than she ever had at the old Jaburu. Which is part of what made the last question so confusing:

10. After a tribal swap, your tribe is divided equally between original and new members. You and your fellow original tribemates decide to target one of the new members at Tribal Council. You know the following information about them through observation and preswap discussion with a representative of the other tribe. Which person do you target?
A. The one who was next in line to be booted on the other tribe and thus has no real alliance partners
B. The one who tells you how much nicer you treat him/her than his/her former tribemates and thus could possibly be persuaded to join your alliance
C. The one who has strong alliance partners left on the other tribe and who will likely rejoin them postmerge

The Tambaqui men chose "A." For the life of me, I can't figure out why the answer wouldn't be "C." It makes absolutely no sense.

Dave specifically chose Heidi first because he knew she was Jenna's best friend there and closest ally. He knew Jeanne was not a part of that alliance and was next to go. He saw how Christy kept saying she felt more at home with the Tambaqui men than she ever had with the Jaburu women. So why on earth would he bring Heidi over to his tribe only to keep her around so she could rejoin Jenna after the merge?

"Two good reasons" jokes aside, Jeanne and Christy are both harder workers than Heidi. Heidi seems to be a strong performer in challenges, but Jeanne and Christy don't exactly seem like slouches. Christy's deafness has never proven to be a liability in competitions – the men didn't even know she was deaf until she told them. More importantly, as the outsider of the old Jaburu, Jeanne could have had the makings of a loyal alliance partner who wouldn't jump ship after the merge. Ditto Christy – she voted with the Jaburu alliance, but didn't seem to actually be a part of it – and she seems to like these guys better anyway. Some people have said that Heidi could be more easily manipulated into following the men's agenda, but again, if you can make a solid alliance partner, you don't have to manipulate the willing.

Perhaps some of the fault was a tactical error on Jeanne's part – she was the first one of the three women to insist they needed to stick together, and perhaps the men sensed this. But again, they could have made her an attractive counteroffer – or, if they thought she'd be unwilling to join them then, just made Heidi think they were voting Jeanne off, then turned around and booted Heidi instead. Any way you slice it, I just can't see the logic in keeping someone who's almost guaranteed not to be loyal over two people who could be.

Another key could possibly be Dave's exact words to Heidi: "I picked you because I wanted to carry you through to the merge." Jeanne may be gone, but somehow I'm having a hard time picturing Roger and especially Butch wanting to boot Christy before Heidi.

I kind of felt sorry for Jeanne this week just because of the sheer emotional whiplash she had to go through. First she thinks she's next in line to go on Jaburu. Then the tribes switch and her hopes get raised significantly, only to be dashed again when it turns out she's next to go on the new tribe as well. It's enough to give you a complex!

I'll be back with more entries in the Amazon Follies next week. In the meantime, I have to help a friend of mine break his addiction to buying designer fragrances online. (Don't ask.) Perhaps there's a good twelve-step program. Although if you ask me, what we really need is a good twelve-step program to stamp out stupidity. "We admitted we were idiots..."

Brian James is an actor/writer in New York City. An avid reality show, Passions, retro music, and Internet discussion board junkie, he can be found holding up "Will Snark For Food" signs in subway stations as he continues to search for that elusive "day job." Brian would like to stress that this column is based solely on the "TV characters" he witnesses once a week, not on how contestants behave in real life. Comments and cybertomatoes accepted at laken44@yahoo.com.

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