Survivor Psyche, Episode 7: Evicted

Jenna and Heidi approach Deena about voting off Roger before Dave. Deena is swayed by the realization that Roger would never vote for one of them if he were on the jury. "Screw him!" Deena shouts as comprehension dawns. Everyone has done a bang up job of keeping Dad indulged and oblivious. But, crusty old Roger smells a rat. "Six guys against the girls and we just pick em off - it just seems too easy …," Roger muses.

Alex and Matthew chime in with their thoughts. "This is a tough game and you have to identify people you can trust and stick with them. We're very comfortable with our alliance - we think it's gonna hold true to the end," Matthew says airily. Poor guileless Matthew has lost the most weight of any of the men and is starting to resemble one of those papier maché skulls from a Mexican Day of the Dead festival.

Slumber Party

While Daddy-bear Roger's snores shake the jungle canopy, the naughty children put their heads together in a provocative session of "I never." They swap stories of their sexual escapades, and goody two-shoes Christy floors everyone when she mentions doing the nasty on the mall in front of the Washington Monument on the fourth of July. (Suzanne likens this epiphany to finding out that the Brady Bunch's Eve Plumb starred in pornos.) Rob mourns the fact that none of the girls have gotten drunk enough to find him appealing. (Coors Light isn't powerful enough for your purposes, Rob, may I recommend Everclear? How 'bout some Rohypnol? Maybe some chloroform and a van with blacked out windows?) Rob is glaring holes into Dave, as he basks in the adulation of the chicks. Dave has his audience riveted with tales of studly adventure, starring not one, but two buxom wenches. Rob simmers in the shadows, then goes off on a long-winded rant about how special Dave thinks he is. So smart. So handsome. So charming. (Well, Rob, he is! At least compared to you! Rob is Grimma Wormtongue, lusting after Eowyn, while Aragorn basks in her adoration.) Then the bimbo-contingent, throw Rob a bone. "I'm sure if you just came out and asked all the skanky loser girls you knew, at least two of them would be willing to sleep with you!" Jenna and Heidi chorus. (Sing along to the tune of "Young at Heart." Even dreams can come true, to Dweebs just like you, if you ask a tart….)

Immunity Challenge: The Naked and the Dead

Portentous thunder rumbles in the background as the new Jacaré tribe rows to the challenge grounds. Probst shows off the new Immunity Necklace that looks like the remains of an Armadillo that's been turned inside out. It's the old standby pole balancing challenge. Probst starts the countdown and Roger is already in deep water. He flails his arms in a desperate attempt to keep his balance. Just as Probst hits "1," Roger gains his equilibrium at last. Butch is also having trouble, and moans about his "old bones." For the women - it's a cakewalk. Deena looks she's been born for this challenge.

Probst has barely begun to introduce the subject of food rewards, when skeezer Jenna pounces. "I'd take my clothes off for chocolate and peanut butter," she announces.

What other rewards would prompt Jenna to take off her clothes, we wonder?

A crackerjack prize.

Announcement of a Poison reunion.

Lint encrusted Skittles.

Free car wash with every fill-up.

Anything bright and shiny.

Heidi is a player too. "If you add cola, I'm in." (Once again may we remind you, Probst didn't instigate any of this - Heidi and Jenna came up with this brilliant stratagem.) When Probst brings out the dessert tray, Heidi and Jenna get down to business. The bimbos make a big production of it, stripping like pros. Off come the tops, with much gratuitous posing and posturing. Then the wenches peel their bikini bottoms down their withered shanks and knobby knees.

The frat boys holler encouragement while Principal Butch hangs his head in a desperate attempt to save his vision. "Why me?" he wonders mournfully. The skivvies come off and are proudly held high. Probst taunts the men that no one is looking and Dave bravely turns his head to catch a glimpse. Heidi and Jenna make sure that everyone has had a chance to eye their goods, and don't bother to suit up again before jumping off their perches. (We kept hoping that their shorts would act as a hobble and make them easy prey for a lurking Cayman. But then again, a Cayman would have to be pretty desperate to settle for desiccated fodder like Heidi and Jenna.)

Roger seems to be oblivious to the goings on around him. This sitting duck needs to maintain his perch for as long as possible. Instead, devil-may-care Roger blithely launches himself into a watery grave, shrugging off his chance at immunity or even the prospect of a cocktail weenie! (Dead Meat in the Water and Fire in the Sky, by Deep Purple) Jenna and Deena share a celebratory thumbs up.

The storm rolls in and the players hunker down. Probst's offer of a "piping hot pizza" lures Butch, Alex, and Rob off their perches. The storm blows over, leaving Deena unfazed. When Probst asks her how long she can last, Deena replies, "I outlasted Roger and that's all that matters." It's a shot heard round the world - straight across Roger's bow. He blinks in startled surprise and grooms his beard uneasily.

It's two hours and counting when Probst brings out the buffalo wings. Matthew and Dave are the next to go. It's between Christy and Deena, now. The next offer is a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. "No garlic bread?" Christy asks plaintively. She and Deena make a pact to share the spoils, and settle the immunity question with a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Unlike Clarence from Survivor: Africa, Christy and Deena have a clue as to how it's played. Deena wins the game and the butt-ugly necklace, as well as half an order of spaghetti. "You negotiated like only an attorney could. You come out with food and the immunity," Probst praises her.