Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 13: Ayanna Get Your Gun

This recap goes out to all my buddies who came to support Television Without Pity this past Saturday in New York. Together, we had fun and raised over $1,000 via silent auction. I kicked in $48, with the purchase of two postcards and a mousepad. Perhaps next time, we can outdo the Washington contingent, or any other city that boasts the biggest supporters.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: “Battle of the Opposite Sexes” reared its ugly, lopsided head. Christina: “We have to take off our clothes and play an intellectual game.” Ayanna: “If I get a question wrong, that’s what I say ‘no’.” For the last time-… ah, screw it. I don’t have a time machine, so I’m not going to explain things yet again. Jake sits naked on the bike. Flashing Caption: “Men Win!” Oh, come on. If the guys hadn’t let Jake answer most of the questions in the second half, the women would have taken it. Way to not show context. Cut to the Unnamed Stirrup Mission. Veronica hangs by her ankle. Christina falls in the water. Eric gets the win. “Men Win!” Cut to Stairway to Heaven. Oh, this isn’t right. Jamie flies up the ladders, while Melissa has a panic attack. Jamie probably loves to run up mountains, whereas Melissa probably enjoys walking up escalators. Not a fair comparison to make. “Men Win!” A scoreboard has the guys winning six out of ten missions. Does it matter? The point is for individuals to do well enough to remain in the game. The men vs. women thing is just for prizes. Genesis voiceovers that the girls are sick of losing. I’m starting to get sick of this show.

We go to the bar area, where Emily, Genesis, Ruthie, and Lori are hanging out. We get a quick clip of the girls screwing up missions. Tree House? “Defeated.” Stirrup-A-Go-Go? “Defeated.” Seven Rings of Saturn? “Defeated.” BOTOS? “Defeated.” Looks like it’s sunny in Jamaica, with a better-than-average chance of anvils falling. Melissa interviews that she’s tired of losing and some of the missions are geared for men. I’ll give her Breath Hold Bungee and Stairway to Heaven. Lori counters, saying that it’s stupid to blame their performances on fairness. Melissa: “If we had a competition on manicures, the boys would lose and probably bitch about it.” I don’t know… I bet Shane, Antoine, and Blair are all about the fingernails. And I know Emily has dragged James to the manicurist a few times. Ellen suggests that the unfairness factor would be incentive to win, adding, “There’s nothing a girl can’t do that a guy can do. We can probably do it better.” Cut to Ayanna reading on a bed. She interviews that part of her doesn’t want to stay, and she feels “hellagrimy.”

Ellen and Ruthie have their own meeting. Ellen feels that the women can do anything the guys can do. Ruthie agrees, but she adds that they have to prove it now. Ellen says that the others aren’t having fun anymore. Well, an unchained and delusional Emily will do that to a group. Don’t look into her eyes! She’ll slay you where you stand! Yes, a whole week has gone by, and I’m still mad at her. Anyway, Ellen interviews that she and Ruthie are the strongest competitors on the team. She tells Ruthie that she wants to win tomorrow more than the others. “I know that the girls team really needs a leader,” Ellen voiceovers, “but Ruthie and I don’t want to, because we don’t want to piss people off.” I got a news flash for the both of them: this is not Survivor. Both have been in the Inner Circle from the second mission. Both have shown no signs of falling out of it. They can decide whom they want and don’t want. They can openly talk smack about the others and expect no repercussions. As long as they’re in the IC, they can’t be voted on. Why can’t they understand that? Both Ellen and Ruthie want to kick some ass.

Night shot. Morning shot. The mission phones ring. Ellen and Antoine prattle off the specifics: sneakers, athletic gear, get hydrated, and get ready to leave the Villas in 25 minutes. Super fast forward, the guys get ready. Super fast forward, the van careens down the Jamaican highways. Eric interviews that the girls can call it quits. “When it comes time for us to work together,” he adds, “the guys are gonna be more ready than the girls.” Oh, good. More anvils.

There a shot of packs and guns, as Jonny welcomes everybody to the site. Ayanna gets excited, knowing that she’s going to play Laser Tag. I played that at a friend’s birthday party several months back. It was okay. I think I killed more than I got killed. Melissa doesn’t share Ayanna’s joy. “I don’t walk around shooting guns off,” she grouses. “I don’t play videogames every day.” For some reason, I get this mental image of Melissa and Amaya in gang colors, walking the mean streets of West Hollywood, popping caps in whoever displeases them. Jonny introduces today’s game, which is Collision Course. Sounds like a demolition derby to me. The object is to score points by eliminating opposing players. “Ayanna is well-versed in the tactical art of Laser Tag,” Colin muses in an interview. “For this reason, we have to take her out quickly.” If I ever do this again, I’ll have to include “Don’t Brag About Expertise” on the “What All Challenge Contestants Should Know” list. Jonny shows off the impressive gift package to the winner and that person’s team: a DVD/VCR, an MP3 player, and a digital video recorder. “Give it up for the sponsors!” Jonny adds. Oh, shut up. He also throws in the Ion Lifesaver. Since this episode is short on actual action, Jonny adds that the points go from 36 down to 21. Genesis states the obvious when she interviews that a win would lift her team’s spirits.