All American Girl, Episode 3: 12-3=10

Episode 3 of All American Girl begins with the news that tonight each of the coaches/judges will make another elimination from the remaining 12 girls. In the teaser last week it was promised that America would vote and eliminate a contestant as well, but apparently this was a teaser for future weeks where the top 10 would be voted on by the viewers and each week one will be eliminated. Of course, if each of the 3 coaches eliminates a girl from the 12 still competing, that will leave a top 10 of only 9, but this is the sort of thing we’ve come to expect.

The focus for this episode will be personality. It has been decided that the best way for each of the three teams to place personality at the forefront of things will be for them to throw parties for their respective coach. The girls are allowed to go shopping, plan, prepare, clean, and do all the other fun things to surprise the coach. There is trouble in paradise, however, as the egos and tempers of some of the contestants begin to emerge and frustrations build around such earth-shaking decisions as which glasses to purchase for the evening. The only team that doesn’t seem about to self-destruct from infighting is the team of former Spice Girl Geri Haliwell. This group, which I admit I cannot resist dubbing as “Geri’s Kids,” seem to have no problem cooperating with one another.

Geri’s Kids even plan a theme for the evening and put together a luau complete with a harmonized hula song of welcome. What they don’t know is that the coaches are bringing an unexpected guest. Geri’s guest is comedian John Fugelsang and the girls immediately brighten up at the thought of laughing through the meal. John’s team is greeted not just by the former NBA star, but also by his guest, professional party planner Cheryl Cecchetto. Over at Suzanne’s shindig, the Motown exec has brought along Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez.

Ms. Cecchetto plunges into her meal with John’s team by plunging daggers into the hearts of the contestants. She complains about everything from the place-setting (forks in the wrong order) to the manner in which the table was set (you shouldn’t reach across a guest while laying out the silverware) to the meal itself (the meat is too overcooked for her taste) while the helpless girls sit there in frustration. John says his goal is to see how the girls can handle criticism. Considering that last week he watched as a beauty consultant ripped these same girls apart, I can’t help but wonder why he decided that a party in his honor should be the perfect place to take his team down yet another peg.

Meanwhile, at Suzanne’s soiree, discussion turns to books. The young ladies bring no surprises to the table at first as self-motivational books and J.R.R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings trilogy are both mentioned. Then, in an odd moment, instead of talking about what books she’s read, Tarah goes off on a long rant about the novel that she’s written most recently. She brags that she will be getting it published, but she just hasn’t had the spare time to do it yet. Her teammates are more than a little put out at this obvious attempt by Tarah to not only dominate the conversation, but lay in a sales pitch about herself that would make a used car salesman blush in embarrassment.

Geri’s Kids have retired to the other room where the heavy topic of discussion is former boyfriends. The producers don’t spend a whole lot of time here and wisely cut away as one of the girls starts gushing about having made out in the back seat of a car. Ahh, reckless youth. This inspires me to think back to kinder days of abandon. I too will come clean and confess to steaming up the windows of my Chevy Nova on more than one occasion in my never-ending quest for the perfect smooch. I got quite good at it, in fact. So good that to this day my reputation precedes me almost everywhere I go. I can be walking down the street and women who have never laid eyes on me before will point at me and say, “Wow, would you look at that kisser!”

What can I say? Some of us have it, and some don’t.

Where was I? Oh yeah, back over to John’s party. Here the topics have gotten very serious and the girls appear to be talking about personal problems. Shauna speaks of the death of her grandmother and soon the room is filled with so many crocodile tears that John should have brought Steve Irwin along to wrangle things back into line.

Soon the parties are behind us and we learn that each coach will now choose two girls that will pass on into the top 10. The remaining girls will be placed on “Probation” for 24 hours. During this time they have to prove themselves to their respective coaches by preparing a one-minute speech in which they make a plea to stay. The coach will then free one the girls from Probation and put the other on Double-Secret Probation in which they will built floats for a founders day parade and…

Sorry, I was having an Animal House moment. My mind tends to wander like that when I have to be led by the hand in order to keep up with what’s happening on the TV screen. The remaining girl is sent packing.

Geri goes first, with Monika and Kira moving into the top 10. She then meets with Kristi. She tells Kristi that she wants her to prove that she has what it takes to be the All American Girl and places her on Probation. She then meets with Jessica and tells her that she still sees barriers that are preventing her from seeing the real Jessica. Jessica too, is placed on Probation.