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Survivor: The Amazon – Questions, Observations, Showers, and Powerby Ken Kellam III -- 04/04/2003
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To no one's surprise, Dave became the first person to join the "Jungle Jury." However, as always new issues have popped up, and more questions are begging to be answered.
First let me address a couple of things about last week’s column. Many of you wrote to tell me that when Rob said he didn't like someone in his alliance "sleeping with the enemy," he was referring to Heidi, not Dave. D’OH! Also, not too many of you agreed with my assertion that making it so obvious Roger was on his way out detracted from the episode. Apparently, you enjoyed being in on the joke this time, as Roger was so obnoxious, it was fun to watch him get a false sense of security. Fair enough. The truth is, there is no right or wrong on this (unless my opinion is in the majority, of course). Obviously, however, Mark Burnett handled the episode a lot better than I gave him credit for.
Regarding this week: It didn't take the Magic 8-Ball to figure out that Dave would be the target this week. This isn't rocket science after all. (Open note to the editor: Yes David, I knew we banned "rocket science jokes," but please indulge me since Dave's chances of winning have now been sent into orbit. [Editor’s Response: Hell, I titled the recap, “It Doesn’t Take a Rocket Scientist…” so don’t worry about it!]) But Mark Burnett threw in enough evidence that Matt might be going to throw us, including the machete scenes. Okay, now for a few questions:
Has there ever been a Survivor castaway more suited to sound bites than Rob? The guy has a thing for witty commentary and one-liners any stand-up comic could appreciate. For example: His comments on the gnats, which he said gathered around peoples' heads like Studio 54. If this had been an animated series, we probably would've seen a couple of gnats doing "The Hustle." Then there was the observation that when gnats gathered around you, you looked like Pigpen from the "Peanuts" comic strip with a cloud over you, which left me surprised Burnett didn't insert a rimshot.
That bring us this to ponder: Just where would this season be without the project manager? Like the previous people on the show sharing his name, he's got a conniving side, but shows it in a lot smarter and more enjoyable way. I can take him or leave him as far as winning the million, but without him this season would be lacking a key compelling character, and without a compelling reason to watch, it's easy to lose interest. Has anyone else noticed the prevalence of "Robspeak" in this episode? After all, some of his statements could use an interpreter. Let's look at what he's said, and what he may mean. Comment from Rob: "I've had an axe to grind with Dave for so long." Translation: "I'm jealous that not only is Dave smart enough to be a rocket scientist, but the ladies seem to take to him more than me."
Comment: Calling Dave arrogant and a show-off, as well as facetiously calling him "Mr. Personality" and "Mr. Adventure," and saying Dave probably thinks he's the smartest guy in the world. Translation: "If I had Dave's resourcefulness, you better believe I'd be showing off the way he does. And boy, what I'd give for his personality and sense of adventure."
Then there was another classic moment at tribal council. Matthew was asked if he was fitting in better and said that since the merger, people are more interested in what he has to say. He alluded to now having some "great friends and true relationships." Rob couldn't help but silently chuckle at the naiveté apparent in that statement, and then Probst called him on it by asking him how Matt was fitting in. Rob seemed rather shocked to be put on the spot, but answered with another example of "Robspeak." Comment: "Matthew has become an invaluable part of the tribe" and "I'm so proud of his progress." Translation: "Matthew has become an invaluable pawn to me, and I'm so proud of myself for being able to play him like a complete idiot."
And of course, who could forget the previously-mentioned "sleeping with the enemy" comment regarding Heidi? Translation: "It bothers me that Heidi curls up to him and not to me. Why should his libido be set on fire instead of mine?"
And what about his comments in the previews next week where he says Alex and Deena think THEY are running things, but he really is? In a way, he reminded me of the Bugs Bunny cartoon where two guys in white coats take off Napoleon for thinking he IS Napoleon, saying he's the 12th one today. At that point, Bugs turns to the camera and says, "Imagine him thinking he's Napoleon, when I really am." If all of his plotting comes to light, Rob may find out indeed controls the action – drawing all the Tribal Council votes towards himself. For now, he probably has a better chance of staying in charge than Bugsy has of making out with Josephine.
Then there was the infamous "twigs and sticks" comment in reference to Heidi and Jenna, and a not so subtle reference to lesbianism. "If I saw twigs and sticks rubbing together, I'd certainly catch on fire." Uh, okay. This used to be called the "family hour," but I'm glad I didn't have my kids watching when he said that (okay, so I don't have kids, but that's beside the point). He followed THAT up by saying he thinks with "this" head, pointing to the one resting on his shoulders. Yep, that's a real good for one the kids to hear. Several of my online friends watch the show with their children, and I would've hated to see the looks on their faces when these comments were made.1 2 Next-->
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