Survivor Psyche, Episode 9: Disbarred

Deena confidently assures Heidi and Rob that Jenna will go along with her plan, she just needs a little "finessing." "I'm in control," Deena informs the camera. "I always have a backup plan after my backup plan fails. I'm thinking 24/7 here and it's making my head hurt." So dumbstruck is Heidi by this maneuvering that she stays squatting on the ground, mumbling to herself. "This is getting so interesting." Heidi is blinking like a capybara (largest rodent in the Amazon) caught in the headlights. (This is getting way more complicated than diagramming the play in a volleyball game. Her inner dialogue starts to sound something like this. "What do now? Must think! Try - flirt? NO - flirt no good right now. Dave not here! Must think - have idea! Talk to Jenna. Jenna know - Jenna smart!")

Spy vs. Spy

At first, it looks like a repeat of the last episode when Dave and Deena returned to camp, only Alex and Jenna's entrance sounds like Rush Week at the Delta House. Alex thoroughly annoys the other players with his boisterous offers to hold down the next two fire watches and manic caffeine-driven behavior. But all is forgiven when he pulls out a clutch of chocolate cookies he smuggled from the cabana. Rob pushes his luck by insisting that they eat Butch and Matthew's share. "They'll never know. They're on the outside looking in, power wise. Even if they find out, what're they gonna do?"

Night falls, and Matthew and Butch return to a changed camp, not that they would notice. It would take a banner inscribed "Welcome pawns," to get their attention. Super secret, double agent Mata-Heidi wastes no time in pulling Jenna into the girl's washroom for a debriefing. "Alex and Jenna were my original alliance(?) I'm not gonna turn my back on them, so I just told Jenna about it and I knew she'd speak to Alex about it," Heidi shrugs nonchalantly. (What else was I supposed to do? What's that about a first alliance at Jaburu? Shawna who? Christy? Oh, yeah, the ugly girl.)

Based on the mature, thoughtful person that Jenna has proven herself to be, what do you think her reaction is? True to form, Jenna responds like any snarky13-year-old girl. "Deena's stabbing us all in the back because she's being selfish(?) I'm really pissed at her! She's starting trouble." Jenna shakes her head in disgust. ("She's sending my new boyfriend to detention and I won't let her!") Rob gloats behind everyone's back that he's the one calling the shots.

The adventure continues even after the tribe goes to bed that night. Big nasty furry spiders invade the shelter, and they're not your garden variety Daddy Long Legs. Some poor misbegotten Tarantula takes a bite out of Heidi, and moved on to bigger and juicier prey after discovering just how desiccated she is. Or maybe it was a scavenger beetle that thought Heidi was already dead?

"I feel soooo retarded right now," Heidi informs the others chirpily. (Once again, Heidi thoughtlessly slams those who are not in her "caste." Let's hope Heidi isn't in charge of the Special Ed kids at her school.) Heidi cannot bend, move, or touch her swollen knee and must be carried around like an oversized rag doll. She giggles constantly throughout this scene, reminding us of one of those bubble-headed blonde actresses from a '40s comedy. "It's from bugs, hee hee hee." Carol Channing meets The African Queen.

Immunity Challenge: Grubs On

Probst greets the players ominously, "If you want food, today you're getting food." Just like the Reward Challenge, the players will be whittled down from eight, to four, to two, to one. All the players line up at a table that holds eight covered bowls. "Go ahead, take off your tops," he commands. (No, not that challenge! No, Jenna, no! This isn't Hooters!) Under the lids are some delectable roasted grasshoppers. Big ones, too. "Mmmmm, crunchy!" Alex remarks. Poor Christy fights down her gag impulse while the others chew. Jenna refuses her portion. "I just can't eat it." (Jenna wouldn't eat that thing even if Dr. Atkins told her to.)

Next comes a serving of coconut worms. Even a box of Beetlegrub Helper won't make these critters go down easy. Mad Matt chugs his serving of worms in one gulp, like a Frat boy with a beer bong. He, Alex, Deena, and Christy win that round. Course #3 features five beetles. "That's disgusting!' the normally imperturbable Deena shouts. Alex, Matt, and Deena snack on the beetles like they were little cocktail weenies. Poor Christy gags and gags some more. Deena and Matt munch this way to the finish while Christy pukes into a bush.

The final course is a beetle larvae that looks like a Hostess Twinkie with claws. Deena goes into maximum gross-out mode. "That is just nasty ass!" she sputters. Mad Matt examines his dinner. "It's alive - it's alive and it's got big teeth!" "Sweet!" enthuses Alex. Probst reassures Deena and Matt that the beetle's pincers have been removed, "so it won't hurt going down." (But it hurts to look at them! Hopefully, someone was served the Carrion Beetle that snacked on Heidi.) Deena grimaces and fidgets while she pumps up her courage. When Probst gives the signal to eat, she makes a mock grab and then motions to Matt like a spokesmodel to the prize display. Matthew swallows the grub whole and raises his arms in victory. "I'm hoping my digestive juices are gonna do battle," he explains, pointing to his stomach. "This guy is crazy!" Rob squeals in his best falsetto. All the players bow to the master as Matt gives a Tarzan yell.