All American Girl, Episode 4: The More Things Change…

Last week's All American Girl was preempted by ABC so we could watch an hour-long news special from Baghdad, so this week we are treated to a two-hour-long mega-episode. While billed as a two-hour show, in actuality it is the show from last week tacked on to the regular weekly episode with minor alterations I'll get into later on.

Tonight, for the first time, the girls must do their thing in front of a live audience. The theater is packed and there are signs waving everywhere cheering on the favorites. It looks like a typical American Idol crowd, but as the show progresses we see shots of the friends and families of the contestants in the audience and they seem to be the ones holding the signs, not legions of regular fans of each girl. The crowd itself however, becomes very enthusiastic as the episode unfolds.

There is a very brief montage sequence that shows us how the girls once again went through makeover hell in preparation for the episode. A couple of the girls have major hairstyle changes now and they deserve credit for making such drastic alterations in their appearance in the middle of a show where being recognized may be as important as being talented. Time will tell if this was a decisive masterstroke or a disastrous faux pas.

The judges are reintroduced and seeing the three standing together is almost comical. Geri Halliwell is a very tiny woman, Motown exec Suzanne DePasse stands to Geri's right and is a good six inches taller. Suzanne, of course, is dwarfed by NBA star John Salley, who is somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 foot 6 inches. A board placed across their heads would make for a nifty skateboarding ramp.

There are big differences in the "live" version of this show when compared to the previous episodes, not the least of which is that Mitch Mullany actually hosts the show. He is on camera for much more of the episode and brings a nicely relaxed attitude to the stage. He has a couple of big problems, which I'll mention as they come by.

The first big competition of the evening will be another singing contest. If you are seeing the show for the first time you should be made aware that there are many factors that determine the "All American Girl" and talent is just one of them. The young ladies also have to show physical prowess, intelligence, personality, and several less tangible skills. The girls come out in small groups to perform the En Vogue hit, "Hold On." The a cappella opening to the song is omitted; perhaps a wise move on the part of the producers, and the song jumps right into the opening verse. The girls do a good job with the song with only a few notable exceptions. Tarah tries singing in a low register but struggles quite a bit. Being able to project while singing in the lower end of your vocal range is no easy feat. Shannon sings quite well, but her nervousness shows a bit as she gives several theatrical bug-eyed stares to the audience. Kira also struggles through her solo section. Ali throws sex appeal into the mix and does a good job of making sure all eyes are focused on her.

When the song concludes, the young ladies are each seated on stools for the intelligence portion of the show. Mitch tells us that each week the women will be asked a question that they have to answer "on the fly." To prevent them from hearing the answers that others have given, each of the young ladies will be wearing headphones until they get their turn to speak. This week's question:

What do you believe is the greatest invention in history and why?

One might guess that this week's home audience question would be, "How does a softball opinion question measure the intellect of the contestants?"

Regardless, the contestants are told that they can answer seriously or try to be humorous, but they will only have 20 seconds. Obviously the last girls to answer should have a distinct advantage because they will have that much more time to formulate their answers. This can be easily rectified in future episodes if Mitch asks each girl the question individually instead of as a group, so if anyone at ABC is reading, take note. You have never shown a reluctance to change the rules of this show before, why hesitate now? The ladies answer as follows:

• Ashley - video games. She says there's nothing like sitting and playing video games until the brain turns to mush. This gets a big laugh from the audience and displays a fun-loving side to her personality.
• Shannon - the video camera. Without it, she explains, we wouldn't be able to have this particular show. Judging from the ratings to date, the jury is still out on whether this is a good or a bad thing.
• Monica - the toilet. The audience laughs a bit at this, but you can almost hear them stop and think it over as she goes into detail. However, this is where Mitch oversteps his bounds as the host. As the next contestant begins to walk to center stage to give her answer, Mitch starts making toilet jokes. What's the point of having the girls "soundproofed" if the host is going to outright tell them what some of the others have already answered?
• Kristi - the automobile. Mitch jumps in and starts making comments once again.
• Andrea - radio. Without it, she explains, there would be no music. Uhm, yeah. While I love music as much as anyone, I just can't picture people walking around in Munich with boom-boxes during the time of Beethoven.
• Kira - reality television! She tells us she's just kidding, but let me just say that reality television is what makes us the tens of millions of dollars here at RealityNewsOnline and for a moment there I became her biggest fan. She then tells us her real answer is "electricity" which, if I'm feeling nitpicky, is a discovery not an invention.