Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 16: Everybody Sucks

Quick heads-up for the readers: do you live in New York? Are you between the ages of 16 to 25, or can pass yourself off as such? MTV is looking for people to attend a reunion special for the show. Am I going? Well, the notice says that everybody is going to be there. On the one hand, I'd like to see some Challengers, such as Mark, Jamie, Veronica, Rachel, David B., and Blair, among others. And while I did meet Melissa once before, it would be nice to see her again. On the other hand, I still see red anytime I think about Emily and her actions. Ellen works my nerves frequently, and I can't stand to look at her or Ruthie, not after they both rolled over for Emily. And Puck is an automatic deal-breaker for me in any situation. He'll just make the reunion all about him. The last thing I want is get in trouble when I smack him with an Adventures of Barry Ween trade paperback, shouting, "The power of Judd repels you!" Nah, I'll stay home and recap the sucker when it airs.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: Everybody played Human Aquarium. The girls didn't fare well. Their Inner Circle booted Genesis, who raised a glass to her own dismissal. James and Shane were tied for last place, and Ion Lifesaver holder Antoine decided to save Shane. At this point, Emily decided it was time for her to go. Basically, it's the final minute from last week, with dramatic editing and music. Then the screen goes black. There's silence for a split-second. And then…

CREDITS! MIDTOWN! Damn, that's jarring. I see Emily elbowing James off the surfboard yet again. The guy is whipped. I used to think that Emily could do so much better. Now, I think James needs somebody new in his life. Or somebody who's familiar. Hey, James. What happened to Rebecca? Did her folk music drive you crazy? Go back to her, dude. Believe me… you'll be saving yourself a ton of grief if you dump Emily, and soon.

We go back to where we left off. Genesis yells, "What the [bleep] are you talking about?" Ruthie asks Emily why she didn't say anything until now. Emily responds, "Because I didn't know what their decision was going to be." Ruthie turns away in disbelief. Emily interviews that one of her sisters needs her badly back home. Cut to black and white shot of Emily on the phone. Great… first Amaya's crisis and now this. I hate withheld information. Emily continues, saying she has to be there for her sister. For a second, I lower my anger. Ruthie says she doesn't want anybody who doesn't want to stay to remain. Emily tells the other ladies that if their sisters needed help, they would go. Ruthie expresses her shock. Then Emily tells the others that if James had stayed, she would have stuck it out one more day. So the sister isn't that important? What a bitch. There's a dramatic pan to Lori. "Yeah, Emily has personal matters," she interviews, "but the fact that she admits she would be here if James was still here? Tell me one situation where it's cool where a girl bails out on the rest of the girls because of her boyfriend. It's a lame move." Word on that, Lori.

More dramatic editing. Ruthie interviews about some girls who have left like Veronica. The Ghost of Highlights Past shifts us back a few weeks, taking out the color, but giving us echoing voices. Ellen doesn't consider Veronica a friend, but does see her as a competitor. Cut to Emily, who really wants to send her home. "I know that Veronica really wanted to be here," Ruthie interviews in the present, "but Emily was very adamant getting Veronica out." And it helped that you and Ellen let her, Ruthie. Never forget that. Back in the past, Emily lays on a huge pile of crap about Veronica: "She doesn't care about teamwork." Back to Ruthie: "To watch Emily leave now… that's not a team player." You're damn right. Let's say that you and Ellen kicked out Anne that day. At this point Veronica might still be with you. But with Veronica gone and Emily departing, you and Ellen are stuck with Lori, Melissa, and Genesis, three ladies who don't strike fear in the hearts of men. And one of those three will be on the final team to go up against the men. Do you see that bag in the sky with the wings and the dollar sign? That's your $50,000 prize flying away. Wave bye-bye, Ruthie. Wave bye-bye.

Jonny calls up the Women's Inner Circle to explain what's going on. Emily repeats her deal while laughing, as if shooting her team in the foot for the third time is so funny. She says that James has been her moral support in Jamaica, and now she needs to go home. She cries a little. I'm not caring, at all. Genesis and Lori look on. Cut to Shane, who's probably wondering how to break the news to Rachel. Can you imagine that? I keep picturing Rachel and Veronica at the Los Angeles airport, lying in wait for Emily. The fact that she quit would push them over the edge. Emily repeats that she's going home, and Genesis is staying. Great… another call to the wife to hold off the welcome home party. Genesis bursts out laughing, as the background music drones on with "totally insane" over and over. Genesis and Emily hug. Ruthie looks on. Jonny bids farewell to Emily and James, telling them, "It wouldn't have been the same without you." He welcomes back Genesis, and she laughs some more.

Melissa comes in for an interview: she figures that Emily's departure is beneficial for Lori and Genesis. What about you, Melissa? You go from next on the chopping block to getting a brief reprieve. She continues: "I'm happy that Lori's finally in the Inner Circle." Yeah, Lori is King Ralph. She's been below the radar for so long, and now an improbable series of events has thrust her forward. Clearly she knows this, as she laughs about being so far behind Ellen.

Packing. James packs his bag. Hey, there's a rugby ball! I forgot that James played for Berkley. Genesis and Emily hug. James packs. Emily and Ellen hug. More packing. Emily leaves. "See you guys," she tells Ruthie. "Good luck." Yeah, you too. Try not to bite James' head off when you mate. They get into the van and ride into the night. My verdict? She' going into the Reality TV Hall of Shame. What she's done in the past few months is reprehensible, and she deserves her induction.