Being Jeff Probstovich - Survivor: The Amazon, Episode #11: The Evil That Stepsisters Do

Being Jeff Probstovich is a fantasy column where soundbites from Survivor castaways are taken, warped, and misquoted into faux-interviews with the show's host, Jeff Probst.

As a pivotal gender-lines swing vote, she was courted by both the men and the women. Christy decided that it would be better to kick her evil stepsisters - Heidi and Jenna - to the curb than to try and win the game for herself. She's sweet that way. In the end, Cinder-Christy's horse-drawn carriage to the Final Four turned into a pumpkin well before midnight. She left the game in tears, but at least she got a visit from her prince charming boyfriend, and made herself a role model for the hearing-challenged before it was all over. And somewhere back at Jacare' Jenna and Heidi are chuckling ... and sneering.

Probstovich: Was this really your time to go?

Christy: I didn't deserve to be voted out now. I really didn't.

Probstovich: Christy, Christy, this is what they all say.

Christy: I knew that you can't trust anyone in this game. And of course, I did. (sighs) I always do that.

Probstovich: So what happened?

Christy: I was screwed, by the Evil Twins and Rob, the un-holy trinity.

Probstovich: No, the menage-a-trois from hell.

Christy: At least in Rob's mind.

Probstovich: But at tribal, you flatly stated that you had the power, that you called the shots. What was that all about?

Christy: I made a deal with Rob, Matt, and Butch to get rid of whichever of the Evil Twins didn't have immunity. Jenna thought she was being really strategic by giving the necklace to Heidi, but I was like, duh!, now you're getting the boot so you can go home and be pretty, all because I trusted Rob. From Day One, I knew that I couldn't trust anybody and there I go trusting folks. (sighs) I always do that.

Probstovich: You can't be too surprised that Rob betrayed you, after what he did to Alex. Do you think he flipped when he asked you about voting out Heidi and you waffled?

Christy: I like waffles, Jeff, with blueberries and maple syrup. But I'm not sure what that has to do with the game.

Probstovich: Oh sorry, I wasn't standing where you could read my lips - now, is that better - you knew Rob was a snake, so why trust him?

Christy: Because I trusted Heidi and Jenna much, much, much less. I mean, come on, they're, you know... EVIL!

Probstovich: When we started the game, it was girls versus the guys. Didn't you think your chances to win would have been better sticking with the girls than siding with the guys?

Christy: After Alex got voted out I suddenly had all of the power among the girls. Then Heidi and Jenna started kissing my ass. Actually, I liked that, a lot. But I was like, blahh!, they were only doing it because they wanted something from me.

Probstovich: So if they had started kissing earlier in the game, things would have been different?

Christy: Sure, Jeff. I they had given me respect, consideration, and lots of wet, sloppy kisses on my butt throughout the whole game and not just in the last two or three days then it would have been different.

Probstovich: So you really weren't playing to win but to get as far as you could, and to get respect?

Christy: Yeah. And If I had won the million dollars that would have been really great too.

Probstovich: But in a game where the object is to be the Sole Survivor, why not set your goals higher?

Christy: Because I wanted to be the last girl left who kicked butt, at least.

Probstovich: And instead you may end up being that last girl who got her butt kicked.

Christy: I didn't deserve to be voted out now. I didn't.

Probstovich: Christy, that's what they all say. And do you know what I always say?

Christy: I think so.

Probstovich: Uh-huh ... Christy, it's time for you to go. The tribe has spoken.

Christy left, disappearing into the darkened jungle canopy and out of the game forever.

We've almost reached the end of Survivor: The Amazon. Things are starting to get really interesting. I'll be back in time for the next two Tribal Councils. Who'll be voted out next? Who will win it all?

I'm being Jeff Probstovich.

Lawrence AG Green has been a die-hard fan of Survivor since Pagong started charbroiling island rats on Pulau Tiga. He works as a professional web developer for the company that allegedly hired Survivor: Africa winner Ethan Zohn and then subsequently let the erstwhile soccer star go before he ever started. Lawrence AG can be reached at boycaught@lagtime.com.

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