Survivor Psyche, Episode 11: Silenced

Butch gets a visit from his wife, Christy from her boyfriend, Rob from his mom, Heidi from her mom, and Jenna from her dad. “It was really touching to see all the emotion. I felt like I was a God for a moment,” Matt says in his amused, but detached way.

The players and their loved ones have 10 minutes of quality time to catch up, and in Rob’s case, spill his guts. (It’s like when a toddler finally spots his mother after a full day of daycare and goes from happy play kid to bawling clinging hold-me-touch-me kid.) “I’ve been pretty bad!” Rob whispers urgently to mom as they’re sitting at the picnic table. “I’m shocked!” Mom replies in mock surprise. Everyone catches up over cheese, crackers, and wine, but before they know it, their conjugal visit is over. The loved ones pile back into the boat and sail off into the sunset.

But wait! Matt gets his just desserts. (You knew it was coming!) “I too believe in the philosophy it’s better to give than to receive,” Probst announces. “Really?” Matt says sardonically. Here comes Matt’s mom! They get their own reunion on a private island, complete with a lavish KFC buffet and authentic Amazonian entertainers. Matt loses his usual Zen-like composure when he spots the chicken wings. “I haven’t had fried chicken in so long!”

Matthew unbuttons even further as he talks about his mother. “My relationship with my mom is great! It’s not the conventional mother/son relationship. My mom is tough, my mom is independent.” But Matt reverts to his old formal ways when he and mom sit down at the dinner table. Mom: “I’ve missed seeing you at home, son.” Son: “That’s nice, mom, I appreciate that.” Mom: “Loosen up, buddy. This is your mom you’re talking to you, not your accountant.” (Matt’s stilted interaction with his mother reminds us of Spock trying to squelch any warm and fuzzy feelings he had when dealing with his mother, Amanda.) “It sucked to express some emotion; cause I hate doin’ that,” Matt grimaces.

Abby Normal

Why, you ask, did the producers supply the Survivors with such a surfeit of booze? (Because getting half-starved campers drunk is good television. Just ask the FOX network.) We see the Jacares stumbling about, making fools of themselves. Christy does her impersonation of a Rockette and gets her foot wedged in a tree. Butch turns out to be a sappy drunk, getting in everyone’s faces to earnestly spout about the importance of “feeling good”. (We’re just betting he mows the lawn wearing shorts and black socks – what a party animal!) Rob turns up in a little Speedo, looking like he’s trying to smuggle grapes. If that doesn’t make the girls spit up their Boone’s Farm, I don’t know what will. “The girls are in their bikinis, it’s like a rap video!” he gloats. (Yeah, a Beastie Boys video, except without the cool guys. Or the hot chicks. Or the good tunes.) Rob’s awful karaoke version of Bob Seger doesn’t help, either. In a moment of boozy sentiment, Rob beseeches the girls to let bygones be bygones. “We are normal. The game makes us abnormal,” Jenna sagely protests. (This is Jenna’s idea of being deep.)

Rob wraps up the evening in a schizophrenic Motivational Speaker Moment. “I just want them (the girls) to remember all the fun we had and not all the bad things I did to them. I don’t know why people dwell on the negative!”

Robby Goes A’Courtin’

In his own special way. “In this game, you want to be standing next to somebody at the end that’s more disagreeable than yourself. I planned on going to the end of the game with Matt. I thought that I would be able to beat him cause he’s a spaz.” Rob cooks up alternate scheme No. 3.14159265+, wherein he will ditch likeable Matt for a player who’s bound to trigger everyone’s gag reflex.

”Hey Jenna! Lookin’ good! How bout you and me to the final two, baby!” Normally diplomatic, Rob is apparently suffering from a major hangover, because he bluntly informs Jenna how nobody likes her! “You’ve rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.” He then tells her an edited version of his plan to take her to the end, but not all the plan because she’d “reveal all that” to Heidi. So what does this Bond Girl do? Runs right back to her best buddy and spills the beans, that’s what!

”He says that most people on the jury don’t like me and like him more!” Jenna wails in protest. She then launches into the biggest hissy fit of the entire season. We won’t bore you with the fatuous details. Suffice it to say that Jenna views herself as a young lady of impeccable moral character and integrity –not like certain other slimeball players, whose name might be Rob. (Bwaaah Haaaa Haaa!!! Sorry, we just had to get that out of our systems.) “I have morals and ethics and he has none! I refuse to go along with his crappy plans!”

Heidi is equally addled in her thinking as she protests to Rob. “I told my mom I did really good and gave up a lot of stuff for other people.” (What might Heidi mean by this peculiar declaration? Did she perhaps donate some spare unmentionables to an Amazonian Goodwill dropbox? “I dropped my drawers for the betterment of all mankind, I’ll have you know!” ) Heidi finishes off her blitzkrieg with a triumphant; “You’ll win the game if you continue to screw everybody!” (I figured it out – give me a prize!)

Rob wanders off to lick his wounds and restore his sense of worldly superiority. “I am an alliance of one. I’m a lone wolf in this game – a mercenary if you will. I just pick up the bottom feeders as I go. They go with me cause I promise them the dream of getting to the end. Everybody tells me how much they believe me and they trust me. Have any of these guys been paying attention the last 31 days?” Matthew and Butch manage to restore Rob’s battered self-esteem. “You’re a good guy who’s taking the heat!” goes Principal Butch’s pep talk. Rob assures Matthew that Christy is still with them.