The Anna Nicole Show, Season 2, Episode 9: Paint and Pain

Well, it’s Week Nine of the second season of The Anna Nicole Show, and as promised last week, I’m back to recap the program since my wife, Jill, is unavailable. She’ll be back next week for the recapping of the final four episodes in the season.

And, if the word out on the street is correct, perhaps the final four episodes ever of the series. It appears that E! is seriously considering canceling the show due to low ratings this season. The show has pretty much bottomed out around a million viewers (sometimes a little more, sometimes a bit less), which puts it nowhere near the ratings it was generating the first season. On top of that, it is affecting the ratings for the shows around it, which have actually done better in the ratings than ANS this time around.

Looks like the 15 minutes are up for ANS on E! (although I’m sure she’ll find other work to occupy her time).

Meanwhile, as I discussed last week, ANS was in Louisville for the Kentucky Derby and (as I suspected) she brought her camera-crew along to videotape her travels in the city. Knowing E!, and guessing at how they film material, I suspect we’ll get a look at Louisville, Kentucky, that will be typically ANS. Probably a trip to the strip-bars over on Seventh, then a lot of bourbon drinking and cuss-words, followed by a trip to the infield at the Derby for some more drinking, nudity, and cussing.

Hopefully not. Maybe good taste will prevail. I guess we’ll find out soon enough though.

Onward to this week’s episode, which opens with ANS in her bedroom, with Howard and Kim. Anna is painting. She finishes and the gag joke of the opener is that the painting is completely black.

I’ll give you a moment to catch your breath from laughing.

After the opening credits, ANS introduces a short montage of footage about Bob Trendy (for long-time readers, remember that I’ve always called him Bob) – just in case anyone had forgotten who he was. (And in case you have, you can check out his Reality TV Hall of Shame induction.) Then ANS discusses her many paintings. Some are actually okay on a beginner’s level. Some are . . . uh . . . well, at least they don’t approach the end spectrum of the Louis Wain psychology profile, I’ll give her that much. The cameras follow ANS, Howard, and Kim to the Décor Art Galleries to look at frames for some of her paintings. Lynne Crandall (no relations to Lance . . . and if you get that joke, I’m impressed), the person at the Gallery, starts showing off a variety of frames and ANS begins to fidget and looks bored. Then Crandall offers to have a showing of ANS’s work there at the gallery. Wow! What a truly extraordinary coincidence! This is amazing how ANS keeps running into people that offer to do things for her that become the premise of an episode of her series. First that judge from the television court show last week and now this! The cosmos are in alignment for ANS, that’s all I can say.

Crandall tries to get an idea on how ANS wants to price the artwork. ANS still seems a bit wary of even doing the show, and with Crandall filling her head with all types of prices for her work, she seems even more unsure. She finally says that she’ll think about it, only to later decide that she will do it. Howard is happy for her, but tells the cameras that he has a feeling of dread that he can’t quite put his finger on.

Then Bob appears. He shrieks something that is supposed to be witty. Oh so witty.

We next see ANS getting into the limo on the night of the showing. She is obviously nervous, but Howard keeps asking her if she is nervous anyway. They arrive to find the place full and everyone there seemingly enjoying themselves. Claude, ANS’s date from Episode 13 of the first season, even shows up and introduces ANS to a few people. It appears that ANS’s son is also there, but only in the background.