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Survivor: The Amazon – Handicapping the Final Four and More of Heidi's ‘Brilliance’by Ken Kellam III -- 05/09/2003
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As of Thursday night, two events eagerly anticipated for the longest time have finally occurred: The Final Four is set, and at least one of the "Skeletwins," as some message boards call them, is finally out of there, but not before providing a few more laughs.
First, let's look at each of the final four and what has to happen for them to win. We’ll go in alphabetical order by first name.
First there's Butch. I like Butch personally, but don't think he really deserves to win. He seems like a nice enough guy, but doesn't seem to have played the game that well, being rather passive and waiting for things to happen. But will he anyway? Let's examine a few scenarios:
The worst thing that could happen to him would be for Jenna to win immunity. If this occurs, Butch will most likely be the target, because nobody wants to go up against him. Even if he makes the final three, he most likely needs to win the final immunity to advance, for the same reason.
Then there's Jenna. Of those left, she probably needs the immunity more than anyone. Her main ally is gone and no one left is really fond of her. And frankly, even if she wins the last two immunities, I don't see her beating Matthew or Butch in the final two – maybe not even Rob, who may have burned too many bridges.
What about Matthew? He finally showed his sinister side, game-wise, noting that he has final two agreements with Butch and Rob. If he makes the final three, he may well throw the last challenge, so he doesn't have to screw over either person and they'll take him along when THEY win.
As for Rob, chances are he could beat Heidi, uh, Jenna – sorry, they seem so interchangeable. But with all of his conniving, does he really stand a chance against Matthew or Butch? You'd think he's made too many enemies, but if there's anything that can be said about Survivor, it's that it is completely unpredictable.
Okay, now on to Heidi. Last week, I took a look at some of the ridiculous comments made by her and Jenna. Well, this week, everyone's second favorite phys-ed teacher (behind any other phys-ed teacher) got a few more good lines in before the men decided to give Heidi Ho the heave-ho.
First, there was her comment about working her ass off to get where she is, and not being a slacker. Does anyone else remember the start of the game, when Jeanne and JoAnna were working their tails off, and Heidi said in confessional, "You two can go ahead and do all that work, but I'm going to maybe take a nap, and I can guarantee that I'll probably be getting ahead of you in the game." Okay, that's not it verbatim, but you get the idea.
And of course, who could forget the way she, Jenna, Rob, and Alex sunned themselves when they were in the majority. Yeah, she worked real hard then – on her tan. And of course, she and Jenna refused to help re-build the shelter. When they were in the majority, they refused to do any work, and when they were in the minority, they did the same thing. The only thing Heidi seems to have worked hard at is making excuses for not working.
Then, there was her ridiculous comment at tribal council that she was the mastermind behind half of what was going on. Was she trying to kid the other players left, the jury, the audience, or herself? Her self-congratulatory back-patting seemed to amuse not only some of those left in the game, but the jury as well. Was she also the mastermind of her own eviction from the game?
Well, Heidi, in a way, we'll miss you. Your clueless comments left us in stitches more than once, and you were about as funny as Rob. The only difference is, he was doing it on purpose, while you did so unwittingly. Earlier in the game, you commented that the main things you brought to the game were intelligence and physical ability. Given your apparent delusions of grandeur, I'm shocked you didn't add "work ethic." Let's see: you've told us you're cute (barf), hard-working, intelligence, a mastermind – are there any more self-delusions you'd like to add to all that?
Okay, time to gear up for Sunday night. Here's wishing all of you a happy Mother's Day (especially my own, if you're reading), and a Happy Survivor Finale.
Ken can be reached with any comments, criticisms, or money orders at YourNextOfKen@aol.com.
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