Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes Episode 18: Finale

This is the end, my friends. After five months and eighteen episodes, we can put the latest offering from Bunim-Murray Productions to rest. I've had my ups and I've had my downs, but I have to say it was worth it. I got one more rant in me, so let's get started.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: The ladies won Maximum Velocity, ending their losing streak. Mark voiceovers that the field has gone from 36 to six. One fun thing about watching MTV's marathons is that you can see the mob get cut down every half-hour. Jamie expositions who the final six players are: Lori, Ruthie, and Ellen, Mark, Colin, and Jamie. Mark reminds us that the winning team will get $150,000 in Chili's Cash.

For the last time: Credits! Midtown! Bye, Anne! I won't miss your bony self! Bye, Amaya and Dan! You'd be such a cute couple if Dan didn't swing that way! Bye, Emily! Please don't chop me up with that bloody axe! Bye, James! Please break up with that crazy woman! Bye, Colin! Do you know most of the people who post on the forums want to take out your other ankle? Bye, Theo! You got something malignant on your back! Wait, that's just Ellen. Bye, Melissa and Jamie! Your season is represented well with you two! Bye, Rachel! I hope you don't try to break Emily into too many pieces! Bye, David E! You suck, you know that? Bye, Antoine! I know you're from Belgium, so you don't have to play nice with me! Bye, Jisela! Please don't do another Challenge! Bye, Christina! I wish Piggy or Susie made the trip instead of you! Bye, Puck and Julie! I'd wish you luck in duping colleges into thinking that you're viable guest speakers, but you don't need any help! And I hope Judd becomes Bogart's favorite author! Bye, Jonny Moseley! I hope Colin isn't looking outside your window right now, breathing hard! Bye, Midtown! I hope your careers get some sort of boost from this show! I know my writing career won't!

We start with the girls sipping drinks. Melissa is still there. I'm thinking BMP intended the last two episodes to be run back-to-back. Melissa is giving the remaining girls tips, including "steer clear of the D-R-A-M-A." Ellen interviews that it feels good to make the final three, but it's bittersweet that Melissa has to go. While I wouldn't fit Ellen for one of Melissa's t-shirts, at least she came around from Julie's booting. She adds, "I know she's definitely surprised by her own performance." You, me, and everybody else on the planet. Ellen talks about how the girls were awarding superlatives the previous night. Lori gives Melissa one for Most Fashionable. Melissa interviews that she's been packed to go for eleven days. She repeats that she's "missioned out" and she's glad the losing streak is over.

Men's Villa. Mark voiceovers that he feels for "Frenchy." So do most American Idol fans. Oh, he means the departing Antoine. My bad. Mark calls Antoine by that name again as he gets into the van. I know Antoine has been the best sport on this show, but just once I wanted him to yell, "I'm not from France! I'm from Belgium, you Yankee bastards!" "If you need a place to stay in the U.S.," Mark offers, "call Jamie." On the women's side, the girls gang-hug Melissa. She thanks Ruthie for the car and Lori for "understanding my pleasant negativity." I think "pleasant negativity" would be a good home page name. Melissa turns to Ellen. "Thank you for all the excessive cheerleading," she tells her. "In hindsight, it really does help." Ha! Melissa interviews: "To my girls that are left: good luck, win the money." Antoine interviews that the men's top three has a better chance of winning. The van departs as Melissa waves goodbye.

Men's Villa. The guys have been given a puzzle to fool around with before the final mission. Mark tells Jamie that he can't see it being the final mission. Jamie sees it as a big part.

Women's Villa. Ruthie asks the others to assemble their puzzle together. Ellen voiceovers that the women who are left are awesome. "The boys are stronger," she adds, "but we're tough little cookies and we can hold our own and show them what we got." They complete the puzzle and celebrate.

Men's Villa. Mark: "Do you think it's weird that we haven't got the first one yet?" Jamie interviews that his team's athletic prowess shouldn't be a problem. He adds, "This mind game could potentially be a stumbling block for us."

A close-up shows the sponsor phone ringing and vibrating. Ellen and Colin read the instructions: girls wear pink, boys wear blue, and both teams wear athletic apparel with swimsuits. "This is what it's about," a slightly abrasive Colin interviews. "No more talking, no more complaining. It's game time."

Competition site. For the first time, there's an audience. Wouldn't that be problematic in diffusing spoilers? Everybody slo-mo walks. The guys tower over the girls. Jonny welcomes everybody to the final mission, where the scores have been wiped clean. This mission, called It Takes Three, will test balance, agility, brains, and teamwork. Ellen starts the exposition: the mission has three parts. The first is the Tri-Ski Slalom. Next comes the Block-by-Block Brainteaser. Third comes the ropes course known as Pole Cat. So it smells really bad? Mark picks up the exposition, saying that part of Pole Cat is called Bridging the Gap, where players have to cross poles using planks. Jonny reminds the teams that they're only as good as their weakest link. Ruthie expositions that they can't continue to the next event without completing the first, and they must obtain a flag upon completion. Jonny mentions that the ropes course has been adjusted to accommodate the height and weight differences between the genders. Of course, first team to finish wins. Colin: "It's time to get it on."