Mr. Personality: Let the Games Begin – and End

In my Mr. Personality article last week, I talked about how Chris seems to be the only suitor playing more to “win” the game than to make a connection with Hayley. While his ruthless manipulation of her was more than a little creepy, it also seemed to be working. Hayley found Chris exciting and fascinating, while the other men didn’t make nearly as strong an impression. This week, another player has stepped up. Will, the millionaire in the silver mask, is using some cunning all his own to win Hayley. Will it be enough to catch up to the huge lead Chris has gained over the past few weeks? And what can these two masked men do in the final episode to win the game?

A huge part of Chris’s strategy has been to make Hayley associate their time together with a fairy tale. According to Chris, women are suckers for this kind of thing. (Big tip to any single guys reading this: THAT’S NOT NECESSARILY TRUE. I speak for myself and for many of my strong, smart female friends when I say this would annoy the hell out of us. We want respect, not some condescending princess garbage. Okay, rant over.) Chris starts working the fairy tale angle before the date even begins. Frazier the butler brings Hayley a morning video message from Chris in which he promises her, “the most amazing fairy tale” on their date that day.

The date is a day of horseback riding. Hey, it worked for Evan and Zora on Joe Millionaire! Chris meets Hayley with two horses and gives her a “princess cowboy hat.” In case you were wondering, cowgirl princesses apparently wear white cowboy hats trimmed in gold sequins that look like castoffs from the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. As the two of them ride, Chris points out a bird that he says is a hawk. He blathers on about how the hawk is “a sign,” and is an important symbol in Native American culture, which surely means wonderful things for the two of them, blah, blah, blah.

It turns out that the bird is not a hawk, but rather a vulture. The vulture is no doubt circling Chris’s fairy tale metaphor, since he is totally beating it to death. The two of them stop to drink a glass of wine, and Chris spreads a blanket for “Princess Valentine,” then proceeds to read Hayley a Disney fairy tale with the prince’s name changed to Chris and the princess’s name changed to Princess Valentine.

The whole fairy tale thing is too much even for Hayley. In interviews, she says that she was looking for “the real side” of Chris and that she thinks he’s totally overdoing it. She had a hard time connecting with him, and feels like the magic the two of them had on their first date wasn’t there. Chris admits that the date didn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Clearly, it’s time for a new strategy.

In the meantime, another player has a strategy of his own. Will spent most of last episode complaining that the way Chris played violated the “rules of engagement” and wasn’t fair. This week, Will has decided to try to beat Chris at his own game. On their date, Will and Hayley take a plane to a private island where they go fly-fishing. The two of them laugh and have a great time. After the fishing is over, the two of them go for a walk on the beach. When Will finds “the right moment,” he finally kisses her. Hayley loves his vulnerability and is smitten.

Will’s real strategy comes after the individual dates are over. He has realized that when alcohol is involved, players tend to self-destruct – such as Brian, who hooked up with Hula Girl, and Xanax-loving Ted. The men gather to pre-party before Hayley arrives, and Will immediately begins pouring shots of tequila. He actively peer pressures Chris to join “the big boys” in doing shots, then sits back and watches the other guys fall apart in front of Hayley. Peyton starts playing the maracas when Hayley enters the room and comes across as a drunken fool. Jim fights over Hayley with Chris. And Chris, Will’s nemesis, suffers the most from the booze in his system. Hayley describes Chris’s behavior as “totally over the top.” He dances with Hayley, dipping her almost to the floor. He dances with the other men. He shakes his booty. He generally looks like a fool. Cagey Will has apparently discovered that tequila is like Kryptonite to Chris!