Survivor Psyche, Final Episode: Class Dismissed

Spring Fever

The players are giddy at the prospect of the end of their trials in the jungle. Rob fantasizes about his Hallmark dream card. Which would show Heidi looking fine in her bikini. Inside it says: “No matter how hot you think this girl is, somebody somewhere is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.”

After losing her best girlfriend, Jenna has chilled out considerably. “As of now I’m happy. Tomorrow I’ll be saying goodbye very happily.” Principal Butch is the giddiest of them all. “Deep inside you’re jumping for joy.” He celebrates the end of the school year by “cutting a rug.” Watch me Dance Like an Egyptian, he calls to his students. Favorite student Matt claims that Butch is “psychotic and crazy.” “If Matt is saying you’re crazy, you’re out of your frickin’ mind,” Rob tells the camera.

Play time ends too soon and it’s time for their final exam.

Immunity Challenge 1: The Lost Boys

The challenge for the players incorporates the natural elements of Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water as 3-D hieroglyphics in a maze. Matt, Butch, Jenna, and Rob are blindfolded and must decipher the hieroglyphics at the stations with their fingers to collect a necklace and locate the next station. The first player to collect all four and return to the center wins immunity.

Matt takes the lead first, collecting two necklaces. Jenna manages to find her first one soon after, and the other two men locate her as well. Matt stumbles into Jenna first and his arm slides across her chest. “Quit copping a feel there, buddy,” “I finally had that opportunity.” “Ooh, pervert!” Then Butch stumbles into her. “Butch, you’re married!” “I know! I couldn’t help it!” Butch says quickly.

This is as much excitement as poor Butch gets in the game. “Butch is lost in Never Never Land,” Probst announces at one point. He finally stumbles into a station almost by accident. Probst is so excited he yells out the news. “Butch is at a guidepost!” Butch makes like Frankenstein with a triumphant URRRHHH!!!

And at the end it’s the Lost Boys vs. Wendy, as Beauty Queen Jenna homes in on the trinkets and Matt lurches farther and farther away from his prize. Jenna stands proudly in the winner’s circle as the ultimate Survivor accessory is placed around her neck.

Queen’s Court

Back at Neverland Ranch, Captain Hook (Rob) frets over the spin that Jenna’s Immunity win has just put him in. “My plans are in chaos,” he mutters. “This is a scary time in the game for me.” (Just when Rob thought he could take a break from scheming and plotting, he’s forced back into super-strategizing mode again.)

Matt is his usual composed self. “I anticipate there are going to be a lot of negotiations this evening.” Sure enough, Rob races straight to his favorite backup plan. “Matt and I went through all the scenarios and basically what I told Matt is that we need to vote for Butch, and he agreed.” But, Matt has finally learned a thing or two from Survivor 101. “Rob is in real trouble. He doesn’t have a great relationship with Jenna. He doesn’t have any relationship with Butch. His only real relationship is with yours truly, so I’m the only guy who can keep him goin’ in the game.”

Even laid-back Butch is stirred into action. He and Jenna play “you first.” “Who do you want to vote out?” “No, who do you want?” The Queen of Tarts, oops, sorry, that would be Heidi – Jenna goes for the Teacher’s Pet award and agrees to take Principal Butch with her to the finals. “The oldest and the youngest,” Butch says affably as he pats Jenna on the shoulder.

Close on Butch’s heels is Matt, who approaches Jenna with a “secret alliance based on a shared voting strategy.” If one wins the other chooses him/her for the final two. “Am I gonna honor that secret alliance or do some backstabbing,” Matt ponders. Queen Jenna sits back, allows her subjects to grovel before her, and studies her choices. “I have the opportunity to pick up somebody like Butch who I don’t feel has done any work to get here(?) or Rob, who I can get him back for what he’s done to me.” (We were amused that Jenna sees sunbathing as personal accomplishment, versus frivolities like bringing home the bacon (or piranhas) or gathering firewood. Okay, so she did contribute flavoring to the stew pot when she boiled her dainties, but the menfolk weren’t there to benefit from it.)

Tribal Council: Expelled

The highlight of Tribal Council occurs as the jury files in. Cut to Heidi, vamped out with a frizzed blonde corona of hair, batting fake eyelashes the size of tarantulas, and a face full of candy apple red lipstick. She looks like a Flinstones version of a bimbo cavegirl. All she’s missing is the bone in her hair.

When we come out of our laughing fit, we hear Probst inquiring of Butch, “Did you hustle today?” “I want to assure you, I hustled today and I am trying to stay in the game,” Butch states emphatically. As always, Rob uses his humor to deflect any dangerous questions. “I tried to make Jenna lunch. I told her that she looked beautiful today,” he says in response to an inquiry about his own strategy.

When it’s time for the vote, the students have mounted a revolt and taken over the school. Principal Butch is History, and must spend his retirement in the teacher’s lounge. But, good old likeable Butch holds no grudges against his unruly pupils. “Rob, you were a good kid,” he affirms as he walks out the door.

In his final motivational speech, Butch tells us, “Believe in yourself and your goals. Look at me – I made it to Survivor!”