American Idol 2, May 19's Final Two Show: Gonzo and the Turkey Sandwich

Ruben says he hates sushi, so Kevin will say sushi. Nope. Via videotape, Kevin laughs and says, "what kind question is that?"

2. Did Kevin support Ruben's singing?

a) in every way he could

b) he can't sing his way out of a paper bag

c) I beat him up to shut him up

Ruben says C decisively. Kevin says Ruben sang incessantly. To every song on the radio. When they'd get home, he'd beat him up. Ding!

3. At 12, why did Ruben knock out his brother?

a) a sandwich

b) a football game

c) a chick

Ruben blushes, and chuckles, "it was over a turkey sandwich, dawg!" Kevin says that he looked in the fridge and saw a turkey sandwich, suddenly there was this fist, and the lights went out! When he woke he said Ruben was glaring down at him. Yikes!

Ryan says Ruben went to dinner with Neil Sedaka. Ruben says they went to Mr. Chow's and Neil gave them all signed sheet music of the songs they performed that week. Ruben says Sedaka is a "real, genuine person."

Ruben performs "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," even better than he did in competition!

Now, let's meet Thumbelina, Paula's (admittedly adorable) dog. Thumbelina sits on Paula's lap like it's her birthright. You know that dog is eating better than people in third world countries.

Clay strides out and we look at his journey. Ryan notes that Clay was a Wildcard entrant and has made it all the way. Clay notes the irony that he was in the Top 3 with the two people who "whupped" him in Group 2. He says he realized after the results were read last week that he was going to be with Ruben in the same position that Kelly and Justin were last year. (Shoot to the audience, there is a beaming Justin Guarini, who holds the number one spot on the Top 20 Greatest American Idol Performances Ever). Ryan asks about the difference in Clay's hair and appearance, Clay says he's pretty much the same person. He also adds, since he was a Wildcard winner, he didn't get to go home until recently. He went directly into Top 12 preparations. He says it's all been surreal.

Ryan pulls a card-carrying member of Clay Nation named Erin from the crowd. Clay comments on her "Clay Mates" t-shirt and graciously hugs his future stalker. Time to put Erin to the test. How much does she know about Clay? (Too much, I'm already saying.)

How much was the red leather jacket he wore performing "Grease." She says she "believes" it was about $1,200, pretending she doesn't know it down to the penny and holding the actual receipt in her pocket as we speak. Clay says that's about right.

What was Clay's nickname at the YMCA? Erin says she too is a YMCA counselor (imagine that), and she knows it was Gonzo! Clay asks how does she know this, with a nervous little giggle. Be afraid.

How old was Clay when he was the high school mascot? She says she "believes" he was 5. Clay says that is true. Wows are heard from Randy, who is probably thinking he may have to bum rush this girl before the night is over. Clay explains it was more like carrying the tiara in for the Winter king and queen, whatever.

Clay sings the song that helped him advance from the Wildcard Round, "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me," and he too is better than he was the first time. Tomorrow's show will be incredible, you can just feel it!

Now, audience questions.

Joanna asks Ruben who he wants to record with? Funny you should ask, it just so happens that he is recording a song with Tamyra Gray called "If This World Were Mine."

Sarah asks Clay what it is about being the American Idol that he finds appealing. Clay says that the influence he'd have as a celebrity will give him a chance to do some good things. Ryan, realizing how Miss Universe that sounded, asks about the money. Clay says he wouldn't turn it down, but you take a job because you enjoy doing it, not because of the pay.

He's still in his twenties.

Dan asks Randy what's up dawg? Randy says something like "yo baby, dawg, chillin, dawg baby dawg." Dan's real question is what advice would Randy give the other judges to be better judges.

All three actually answer, but they say nothing useful. So, I will answer for them. Randy needs to do nothing. He's honest, he's direct, if he doesn't like it, he'll usually tell you why. Paula needs to understand that she isn't doing anyone any favors by pretending to like something that was not good. (Earlier, she said that she was a performer and knows what it's like up there, and she sympathizes.) Simon needs to understand that while giving good soundbite is great for television, if you give nothing constructive, you haven't done your job as a judge.

Ruben and Clay convene with Ryan at centerstage. Time for the coin flip to see who goes first tomorrow. Ruben calls heads. It's tails. Clay, do you want to go first or second. Clay thinks a moment and announces he wants the second spot (he can hear Ruben perform and know what he has to do to outperform him - very smart). Clay's fans are pleased with his decision.

The finalists perform "God Bless The USA" and I say God Bless us all that we make it through these next two nerve-wracking nights!

Sting7 can be reached at stingseven@yahoo.com.

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