America’s Next Top Model, Episode 1: More Than Just Pretty Faces?

We next find the women thawed out, dressed, and at dinner. Conversation turns to Elyse being an atheist and the shock with which the Christian coalition greets this news is surprising. Surely they couldn’t have made it to adulthood without being aware that other people in this world will have different belief systems? And that differences of opinion don’t negate what you hold to be true? Or maybe they could. Robin says she now has reservations about Elyse and Elyse feels judged. Which is because she is being judged. Told you this one was a smart cookie. She says she won’t pretend she doesn’t believe in evolution to make others happy. I hope that was taken from a specific conversation we didn’t see. She couldn’t possibly believe that faith in God and believing in the scientific truth of evolution are mutually exclusive. Many, many people hold both of those things to be true.

Breaking this up they get more Tyra-mail and learn that tomorrow nine will go on and one will be eliminated. They all looks so surprised I wonder if perhaps they are hearing the rules as we go along. The girls muse about whether or not they will go and Adrienne is slurring badly as she tells us how she needs this or she will “keep slipping further and further into the hole.” and she looks like she’s channeling Jim Morrison. Is this a concern to anyone but me?

Tyra is talking again so cue the women to gaze with rapt attention. She tells them they will be judged on natural talent, potential, personality, and what happened at the photo shoot. The judges are:

• Janice Dickenson, supermodel from the ‘70s and self-proclaimed most opinionated member of the panel.
• Beau Quillian, fashion editor for Marie Claire magazine – he says if a model doesn’t have what it takes he can’t work with her.
• Kimmora Lee Simmons, who was the face of Chanel when she was 13 and is now CEO of Baby Phat, a clothing line.
• Guest judge for this week is photographer Douglas Bizarro.

The contestants come in one by one for their personal evaluations.

Katie is asked what she was thinking, hooking her fingers into her swimsuit like that, while Tyra takes offense since she was on a Sports Illustrated cover with her fingers hooked and Janice snaps back that Katie has a long way to go until she’s Tyra. Meow!

Kesse is told she is so beautiful.

Adrienne is asked her shoe size and she whines it’s eleven. Big women need a big base. Yep, that’s physics but she is told by Janice that she has “face good, feet bad.” Better that than the other way around.

Nicole tried the hardest.

Ebony is told to work on her thighs and her bootie and she can’t coast on her gorgeous face. I hate the word booty, can we prohibit that along with diva?

Giselle wasn’t the favorite in person but she came off the best on film.

Shannon is told she is very thin and a waif. Her personality glows but that they can tell she tans a lot and the skin on her face is already starting to look leathery.

Tessa complains that she was shy in a bikini since she doesn’t like to wear revealing clothes and likes to cover up. They question the supermodel career path in light of this.

Robin is plus size on the bottom but not on the top and is starting very late at 26. No wonder our society is so screwed up when 26 is considered too old to be truly beautiful.

Elyse is told she is too thin.

So who stays and who gets the ax? The judges deliberate and this little insight into the ugly underbelly of the beauty industry is hard to watch. I understand they are looking for specific attributes but their dismissive aspect and how superficial it is... it just made me glad I live in the real world.

Tyra stands before the women in a very serious manner and tells them she is holding nine pictures. The woman whose picture she isn’t holding will be eliminated immediately. Jeff Probst makes it look so easy, Tyra isn’t having as much luck. She reads the names of those who are staying in a painfully drawn-out fashion until we get to two remaining woman, Tessa and Shannon. She says the woman whose name she calls will go on and the woman whose name she doesn’t read will be eliminated. Is that that complicated a process that it requires this level of over-explanation? Apparently. Shannon will stay Tessa will be going home.

Tessa hugs the other women goodbye while Simon and Garfunkle’s “Heart Of New York” swells. But it’s a really bad, slow version that just infuriates me that people can’t leave a great song alone. She says she tried and that everything happens for a reason. Bye Tessa, we hardly knew ya.

Next week they learn the runway ropes and do a photo shoot for Stuff magazine. There is conflict between Ebony and her housemates while Elyse wants to go home and asks to be eliminated, which as we all know in the world of reality TV means she won’t be going anywhere. See you then.

Jamie can be reached at JRS5150@aol.com.

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