America's Next Top Model, Episode 2: Praise the Editors!

I want to start this off by giving serious thanks to the editors of this show. I thought it would be a fun show to watch but they have really shown a snarkier side to editing than I have seen in other reality shows. Tyra Banks was on Conan O'Brien and she said it wasn't a reality show it was a "dramality" show. Not only am I easily amused by new non-words, but it is very fitting since they are doing a better job at interesting story arcs than most other shows I have seen. Then she said she had a big ass and I stopped listening to her - if my ass looked like Tyra's I'd be going to the grocery store naked... and to church, too.

On to the show. We find Elyse in the confessional for a little venting and peace and quiet. She needs to get away from the noise and vapid conversation abounding in the penthouse. I really hope she lasts and escapes the boot for quite a while since the show would be far less interesting without her insight and soundbites.

Adrienne is first one up and finds Tyra-mail. They will be meeting their first fashion expert at 11:30 a.m. Everyone is cautioned not to be late this time so they are limited to no longer than 15 minutes in the shower. Yikes, I can't even get ready that fast and I don't have model-pressure on me to look good. Ebony notes that this is a competition and she isn't here to make friends. We will see she really means this as the show goes on.

And what would a modeling show be like without religious controversy? Robin is reading her bible and calls Elyse, the avowed atheist, over so she can point out that the bible says, "Foolish is the man who says there is no God." Elyse is offended. Who wouldn't be. Now, I believe in God, but there is a flaw in logic in using the bible as fact to someone who doesn't believe the bible as factual. I have also been around this earth long enough to know the surest way not to get your point across is to present it with self-righteousness while trying to shame the person you are trying to win over.

Back to the superficial... we now find the girls standing around a runway while Tyra tells them they will be getting runway lessons from the best in the business, Jay Alexander. She gives us some runway "don'ts."

1. Don't walk as if you can't walk in heels.
2. Don't walk like you are sexy but you ain't.
3. Don't walk like you are in a church fashion show.

We are told again that Jay is a true runway genius and a diva. For some reason this time the term doesn't annoy me. Told you I was liking this show. Tyra tells us that runway modeling is silent theatre. She told us last week that photo shoots were silent movies. Well, sure, except there is no plot, but who am I to point this out? She tells the girls they need to work the crowd. So all the girls take their turns doing a cold walk so Jay gets an idea of their natural style. Adrienne thinks she sucks. Tyra tells everyone not to walk too tight in the booty and keep their eyes straight ahead. I think "too tight in the booty" is an excellent catch phrase and hope it sweeps America. Nicole has a quiet confidence, Robin as a plus size model will be great for her segment of the industry, Adrienne has funny foot work, Shannon has a very commercial look. Kesse is told to take the center, Ebony is too uptight, Katie is very into it and she thinks she has what it takes. The professionals don't agree and think she needs help. Elyse is the one girl who has the natural talent for runway and definitely has what it takes. Tyra tells everyone to "walk like it's for sale and the rent is due tonight." Ha. I think I will start walking like that just for fun, she makes it sound so cool. Jay slips into a pair of high heels to teach them to walk. That is one man committed to his art.

Asking the girls what they want to do with their lives, Katie says that she wants to get into acting, Ebony is also a comedienne, Elyse has applied to med school. Giselle is pissed that Elyse is there because she has other goals. So? Just because she has loftier aspirations and the brains to achieve them doesn't mean she shouldn't try this also, and capitalize on her looks to get a little financial security in the bank before she moves on with her life. Jay points out to Elyse that medical school will be time intensive. Duh. The girl attained two college degrees in three years... if anyone understands the work and time involved, she does.

Foreshadowing of controversy to come? The other girls muse about how Elyse doesn't eat as much as they would like, and when they went out for pizza she ordered oatmeal. You knew in a show like this food issues had to come up at some point for someone.

Elyse back in the confessional - there hasn't been one used this well since Real World season two. She says she has no will to go on. Doesn't want to be a model as it is all so irrelevant. "Eliminate me. Do it." She asks. I think modeling is a fine profession if you can do it but I was wondering how she would deal with the internal conflict of the superficiality versus her more substantial world view.