America's Next Top Model, Episode 2: Praise the Editors!

The photographer tells us a lot of women are beautiful but don't photograph well so it doesn't translate on film. This makes me want to hug him. Thank you for validating the fact that I am indeed stunning and it is just pictures of me that lie. Elyse is told she has an androgynous look, which I don't agree with. She is very slight of build and has short hair but is certainly quite feminine. Robin is told she doesn't need to cover herself up and she should be proud of her body. Tyra says that she is the biggest girl at the Victoria's Secret photo shoots and she doesn't cover up. No wonder those catalogue trigger my bulimia. Nicole is gorgeous and physically flawless, Giselle is beautifully present and has inner sexuality, Kesse is very self-aware and due to being so self-conscious it is hard to get her to be spontaneous.

Back at the penthouse they get Tyra-mail yet again telling them tomorrow someone else will be eliminated. Someone says that if Kesse wins it will be because she looks like a young Tyra and it just means Tyra wants another her. Meow. See what how cool a show can be when the editors don't mask the bitchiness? Elyse says she is taking this more seriously than she is letting on, she knows she was upset before but after a good night's sleep she is back in the game.

Good, don't leave us, Elyse, and take your sound-bites away. This show needs you.

Tyra tells us again all the winner will receive, but I won't repeat it because I have more faith in your attention spans than she does. They will be judged based on the runway walks and Stuff photos. Jay Alexander is the guest judge for tonight, joining Kimmora Lee Simmons, Janice Dickenson, Beau Quillian, and Tyra. The girls are asked to do a runway walk to the judges to hear their critiques. They have to take off a jacket as they do the walk. This seems simple but I thought it probably is harder than it looks so - don't tell anyone and if you do I'll deny it - I tried it. I tried a runway walk down my foyer taking off a jacket and it is surprisingly hard. And I have a bruise on my hip where I walked into my piano because I was paying attention to getting my jacket off and not pulling the sleeve inside out. I injure myself to research for you, don't question my dedication. At least we know now if I had to rely on my looks or grace for a living, my kids and I would starve to death. I need to salve my wounded ego.

Back to the girls who can actually do this... Robin is told she is making too much eye contact and she says that comes from pagentry. She is told high fashion isn't a beauty pageant. Nicole is told she was making herself too breasty in the photos. Shannon is trying too hard to be sexy, she is sexy and doesn't have to try. Adrienne has flow and a great face. Ebony is told she is posing for catalogue and not high fashion. Elyse has the best natural walk and does a perfect job of taking off her jacket. She comments she feels she needs to mainstream her sexuality and she is told she is edgy and should go with that. She is very thin and pale. Katie needs a lot of work on her walk and she looks cheap - like Miss July in a calendar. Kesse's walk doesn't flow and she needs to consider her whole strut as an event. Janice tells her if she can't take her criticism she shouldn't be there as she will call it like she sees it. Kesse's crying may have hurt her chances.

So it's time to find out who goes. Tyra tells us she holds eight photos in her hands of the girls who will be moving on. Everyone is called and it is down to Kesse and Katie. Bye, Katie. I chose her to win it all if you recall from my preview. See, I know nothing, although I only picked her because she's from my hometown area so it's not like I was even trying to be objective. She says it's okay as her goal is to be in Victoria's Secret and she will be. She is a beautiful girl and clearly driven, I bet her career will be just fine.

Jamie can be reached at JRS5150@aol.com.

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