Anything for Love: Episodes 3 & 4

Another Monday, another two episodes of Fox’s Anything for Love. Last week’s debut came in third in its time slot and the audience dropped slightly for the second episode of the two-parter. This show has “bomb” written all over it.

Hosts Mark Walberg and Claudia DeFalco introduce the first couple, Trinity and Mike, who have lived in different cities for eight years and only see each other occasionally. She loves him and wants more. So, she quits her job, packs up her belongings and drives to Mike’s house. He was warned by the show that someone was coming but doesn’t seem to have a clue who it is. This is already a bad sign for Trinity. Her friends think it’s a pretty good idea, though, and we watch as she tearfully drives away. This is crazy and Trinity knows it. But she keeps going.

She finally arrives and, of course, she is scared. Mike is anxious as well. She knocks on the door. Mike answers and says, “Oh my God.” At first, it is hard to tell whether he pleased or not. She blindfolds him and walks him to her truck. As she opens the tailgate, he brilliantly asks, “Are you moving in?” She’s a mess. He’s weaseling out and is obviously not ready to make a commitment. Ohhhhhh… booooo. Mike says he was very shocked and although he loves her he doesn’t love her enough to take this step. Trinity is okay with this, but a little tearful as we watch her close the tailgate and drive away. She says that she finally has some closure and is ready to move on.

Next up are Ron and Donelle. She wanted to get married but he didn’t. Now he has changed his mind and wants to propose in a big way. She is told that she is going to be on a TV show about single women in Vegas and off she goes. Ron buys an engagement ring and a dozen roses. His plan is to have dancing girls take a rose and each give her one. He talks to her Dad who warns him that if he messes her up he will be sorry. As Ron is getting ready, Donelle and the girls arrive in Vegas and hit the casino.

It’s show time. The girls are outside on the strip in front of Bally’s and look up to see Ron on the Jumbo-tron telling her how much he loves her. Her friends actually seem more surprised and excited than she is. Here come the showgirls. Donelle is crying as each dancer gives her a rose and tells her again how much Ron loves her. And then Ron comes out and tells her that she is everything to him. He gets down on one knee, pulls out the ring, and asks her to marry him. She replies “Absolutely.” Finally, a happy ending on this sapfest.

Moving on, Angelique has a problem and his name is Alano. He is a major “playa” and she wants to find out if he will take the bait when a pretty girl flirts with him. I think she already knows the answer to this question, so why bother? Anyway, this is the exact same stunt they pulled last week – same model (Katana), same couch, same elevator. This is so cheesy, I can barely write anymore. Alano doesn’t even wait to get into the elevator to hit on her. He asks her to a party and Angelique cries big plopping tears. They get into the elevator and Katana asks him for his phone number. This snake tells the girl that he has broken up with his girlfriend. When the door opens, Angelique is waiting and tells him that she saw everything. He is speechless, of course. Different people, same results. Woof woof woof. You are a dog, dude.

I guess the producers of this show must think the elevator setup is a nifty idea because they have found yet another couple to test. Don’t they understand that this kind of lack of trust is damning to a relationship whether the guy “goes for the bait” or not? How insulting is that?

Tandy is in the studio and hasn’t seen the tape of her boyfriend’s elevator test. She thinks the relationship is getting serious (they are saying “I love you”). Same setup. At first Jessie ignores Katana. He admits that he has a girlfriend and that it is starting to get serious. Katana starts thrusting her chest at him asking what he thinks about her cleavage. He’s hanging tough. Once in the elevator, Jessie starts out strong, telling the girl he believes in Karma. Katana is persistent though and Jessie finally gives her his phone number. Tandy is visibly disappointed.

They bring Jessie out and Claudia has the “actual paper” with the phone number on it. Mark dials the number and surprise, surprise, Tandy’s phone rings. Jessie gave Katana Tandy’s phone number! Jessie, you’re the MAN!!! They kiss – another happy ending.

Next up are Matt and Sarah. Matt says he will do anything to get Sarah back because he knows that she is the girl for him. They moved in together after dating for nine months. Bad timing, though, because Matt is a competitive cyclist and all kinds of things were starting to happen for him at the time she moved in. She resented all the time he spent on his bike and that she wasn’t the most important thing in his life. So they broke up. Silliness.

They both come out on the stage. He brings her roses and she says, “About time.” It is the first time he has given her flowers in the entire year they were together. Poor little you. I think Mark likes her though! They’ve got Matt’s bike and Claudia has a Sawzall, ready to chop it up! Matt has to choose between his bike and Sarah. She is looking at him with big bright eyes but he is having a real hard time deciding. Keep the bike, I am thinking. He finally says he will do it and they bring him up to the bike. Big mistake, Sarah. He will resent you for the rest of his life. And this is one serious bike, folks. He takes the Sawzall and starts sawing. Sarah is practically fainting on the stage and Matt is ready to cry. They kiss and that’s it. I am sick just watching this. You know that he is going to replace the bike (and probably Sarah) sooner or later.

Finally, we meet Jennifer, who is told that someone has been carrying a torch for her for eleven years. She is surprised and nervous. Let’s face it, there is probably someone in all of our lives that we might want to hook up with again if given a second chance. It’s too bad they just don’t stick with this idea and forget about the others.

Chris is a nice-looking guy who tells us that they met in college and immediately clicked but it didn’t last very long for some reason. He really felt that they had something special and he’s been thinking about her ever since. He comes out on the stage and shows some real emotion. For a second I am thinking she’s going to go for it. But, no – tough luck, Chris. Although she is honored and flattered and thinks he is a wonderful person and a great guy, alas, she is in love with someone else. He waited too long. Mark admires his courage and Chris is nearly in tears. Jennifer admits that she doesn’t think that there would be a chance for them even if there weren’t someone in her life right now. Shoot, Chris was cute too. Wouldn’t you think that they would check to see if she was involved before they brought this poor guy out to humiliate himself? This one left a bad taste in my mouth. This show is highly irritating and in serious need of some new ideas.

Before it finally ends, we see previews for the next show – another elevator setup, the lie detector, and another setup in the audience. Booooooring.

Donna Reynolds is a freelance writer and technical writer from Syracuse, NY. You can e-mail her at dlrturtle@earthlink.net.

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