Paradise Hotel, June 23: She May Have a Single Bed, But There's Always Room in the Closet

Welcome back to Paradise Hotel. When we last left our hotel guests, they were paired up and placed into bedrooms as follows:

Melanie and Scott: Yellow Room
Amanda and Beau: Bird Room
Amy and Zack: Monkey Room
Kristen and Alex: Blue Room
Toni and Andon: Butterfly Room
Charla: Single Room

Remember, the person in the single room at the end of the week must check out, so the only way Charla is staying is if she manages to steal a guy away from one of the other girls. Yes, folks, the pressure is on for Charla to go as far as it takes to get some guy she hardly knows, while the pressure is on the women to keep their men by any means necessary. All except perhaps Melanie, who impressed me last week by plotting with Charla, on the intelligent theory that by plotting with her, Charla won't start plotting against her. Of course, things have a way of changing in paradise...

Host Amanda starts off in the studio and tells the audience that somebody tonight will be selected by the guests to join them at Paradise Hotel… but first, there has to be an expulsion.

As we reenter Paradise, we see Zack, who isn't at all shy about kissing every girl in sight. Melanie gushes that she loves Paradise Hotel. It's her favorite place in the world - she never wants to leave! Scott puts suntan lotion on one of the girls and muses that Charla is going out because nobody else rooms with her. She's staying alone. He feels for her, but thinks that everybody has roommates they like. In a flash of brilliance, he realizes that she needs to come between a couple and break them up. Figured that out all by yourself, Scott?

Meanwhile, Amanda is putting suntan lotion on Beau as he asks her if she thinks she'll stay in Miami. She likes Miami, and would only move if she hooked up with somebody. She thinks her mom would like him. She also thinks he's adorable. How cute.

Next, the gang is all together at dinner, and Melanie wants to do a “butt check.” This is something she's been wanting to do all day long. So the guys line up for an examination, and the women start grabbing and feeling up the guys’ rear ends. Then the guys huddle together (what are they conspiring to do - a breast check?) and the girls confer about the guys’ butts. The winners are... third place: Andon. Second place: Scott. And the winner is... Zack, who is now captioned with both his name and “Best Ass.” (Perhaps they should have left out the “Best” part.) That leaves Alex and Beau musing that they have the worst asses. Oh yeah, the fun never stops at Paradise Hotel.

After that, it's 9:30 and apparently drink time at the hotel. Andon pulls Charla over; apparently the possibilities of Charla being the odd woman out have occurred to him. He tells her they connect on the intellectual level and on the physical level. “Maybe we'll try to push that forward a little bit,” he continues. Charla asks him, “Push what forward?” (Hint: the proper translation is “Put out, and I'll dump Toni for you.”) He tells her, “Somebody else getting into you so you can stay here.” Take that literally or figuratively. I'm taking it literally. Charla comments that she doesn't want to leave, but she could be the one ejected. She goes on to say that it's hard for her to be accepted the way she is; everybody expects her to be like the other girls and she's not. She wouldn't be surprised if every person there didn't like her. She then calls the men a bunch of sixteen-year-olds: all they talk about are boobs and they act like retards (cut to a scene of them acting like retards). She prays to God that some of these people are sick of each other. Which leaves me wondering if maybe she's too classy for the place, but for some reason she still wants to stay. Mixed signals, to be sure.

Now it's Beau and Amanda in their room sharing a mirror while Beau shaves. He claims he and Amanda have connected, but that he also hasn't really met anybody else. He tells that to Amanda, who asks him if that entails swapping roomies. He then responds that for one week, he just might need to get away. Wrong move. Amanda immediately retorts, “That pisses me off like you have no idea!” He leaves the room and she gets out of bed, clearly angry. Could there be trouble in Paradise?

Next up: Charla & Zack talking by the pool. Zack tells her they could always go to her room. She replies it doesn't mean anything, then leads him to her room. Meanwhile, we see Andon & Toni in bed together. Zack & Charla are soon in bed together as well. Charla kisses Zack; just then there’s a knock at her door. Zack hides in the closet as Charla opens the door. It's Andon. She gets back in bed; Andon joins her there and says, “Look at you - You're gorgeous!,” while a little arrow points out the closet where Zack is hiding. Hee hee - this is getting interesting! Andon tells Charla that she's definitely one of the hottest girls at the resort. She replies that there are only six girls (apparently host Amanda doesn't count). She says watching all the couples makes her want to vomit. Andon then claims he and Toni are not a couple. “Whatever,” replies Charla. He tells her that maybe she's reading a little too much into Toni and himself. Cut to Toni sleeping alone, then back to Charla, who says she doesn't want to leave. “I know,” replies Andon. “Nobody wants to leave; I'm just starting to feel better,” explains Charla. Andon tells her she can trust him. He then tells her that just between him and her, he wants Melanie to leave (remember, Zack is hiding in the closet and overhearing everything, plus, the audience is in on the joke). Charla asks Andon what he would do if he were her. “Honest to God, I have no idea,” is his reply. “You're treading on ground nobody else has - I have no idea what I'd do in that position.” Um, just let me say that if I were in Andon's shoes, I could figure out a few things Charla might do in order to stay. I'd say more, but this is a family website.

At breakfast the next morning, it looks like the eating is sex-segregated - all the better to allow the producers to eavesdrop in on private conversations between the guys and the girls. While the girls eat, a staff member delivers an envelope to Charla, compliments of Paradise Hotel. The rest of the girls look on while Charla opens it up. She reads it to the group: “Today you will be going on a private luxury excursion with the guy of your choice.” The girls all look at her - and each other. Somebody's guy is on the line. “Pick whichever guy you want. He can't say no.” Woo hoo - looks like it's guy-stealing time for Charla! The other women are NOT happy.