The Amazing Race 4, Episode 5: Diggin’ In Poo for a Clue

Chillie are the first ones to the route marker so I guess the cab was the right way to go after all. It tells them to choose a boat and drive themselves to the Scheepvaart Museum using a provided map. Chillie hop in their boat and sit there reading the map. The other teams get to Central Station and head for the bridge. While Chillie are still confused by the map, the other teams catch up and jump in their boats. It probably didn’t help that Millie was yelling at Chuck the whole time he was trying to look at the map. She is so grating on the nerves. I still think it’s sexual frustration. Chuck needs to let loose on her one day.

While all this is going on in Amsterdam, Steve & Dave and Dave & Jeff only have five minutes in Paris to make their connecting flight, but guess what? They miss it. Both teams look plenty pissed as they figure out another way to Amsterdam. They end up on KLM and find themselves sitting right by each other on the plane. Even though they are competing, both teams look like they are friends. In Amsterdam, all the teams are cruising the river looking for the museum. Kelly makes a comment about Millie & Chuck. She says that, “Even though Chuck is a good looking guy, those sideburns make him look like he’s in the second stage of being a werewolf.” She also says that they call Millie “Millie the Mole” because every time Jon sees her he says “Moley Moley Moley.” That folks, is courtesy of Austin Powers: Goldmember. Very good movie, you need to see it. I love these two. One second they are fighting, the next moment they are laughing at everyone else. And Kelly… Oh, sweet Kelly.

All the teams look lost while trying to find the museum. While all this is happening, the models finally get there and board their boat as well. Jaree is getting frustrated with Tian because she feels like all Tian does is boss her around. I’m starting to get this feeling as well. Chillie are fighting in their boat as well and it looks like Chuck finally lays down the law and tells Millie to be quiet. While all this boat fighting is going on, the Clowns find the route marker first. They find the detour: 500 Kilograms or 15 feet. 500 Kilograms involves teams driving 30 miles to carry cheese across a brick pathway where a scale awaits – while wearing clogs. They must put EXACTLY 500 kilograms of cheese on the scale to get their next piece of route info. This task is tough and far, but clean. In 15 feet, teams must drive 12 miles to a cow farm and search through a 15-foot-high pile of cow manure for their next route info envelope. This task will be easier to perform, but will leave the team smelly and disgusting. The Clowns decide to go play in the poo.

The Supremes are still in the water regrouping. They ask for directions and head for the museum. The models are still fighting with Tian snatching the map out of Jaree’s hands. You know what; I don’t like Tian that much this episode. Poor Jaree is just trying to help and Tian jumps on her every chance she gets. Tian and Millie should be partners. Neither have patience and both like to boss their partners around. It makes me sick. Reichen & Chip get to the detour and decide to go for 500 kilograms. While all this is going on, Chillie decide they suck and to just go for the Fast Forward. For this Fast Forward, teams have to make their way to Molen van Sloten in North Amsterdam and strap themselves to a windmill. Then, the windmill will make 10 rotations with them on it. That is when they will claim the Fast Forward.

The last two teams have finally gotten to Amsterdam. Steve & Dave take a cab to the bridge while Jeff & Dave take the train. The clowns are getting dressed for the manure and one of them states they look ridiculous. Um, fellas, you are circus clowns! You always look ridiculous! Anyway, they are grossed out at the way the poo smells. Kelly & Jon just get to the museum and also decide to go for poo. My poor Kelly doesn’t look happy, but she is a team player and after some gentle nagging, goes along. Chillie look pissed as they get to the windmill with Millie saying that compatibility is an issue for them. They get on the windmill, spin around 10 times and claim the Fast Forward. I’m sorry, but that whole thing looked scary as hell! I wouldn’t have done it, but that’s just me. The Fast Forward tells them to go to the Kasteel Muiderslot, in Muiden. The last team there will be eliminated.

The Supremes get to the detour as well and choose poo. Back at the poo pile, the Clowns are having fun, throwing it at each other, and laughing in it. They do finally find the next piece of route info, which tells them to find the Smoker Statue in Monnickendam. That is where the next route marker will be. Steve & Dave get to the bridge with Dave & Jeff right behind them. Believe it or not, the Models are still in the water fighting because they think they are lost again. Probably because Tian insists on reading the map AND doing the steering. They do however finally get to the detour and choose poo. Speaking of poo, Kelly & Jon just get to the pile and see the Clowns leaving it. They ask about it and the Clowns just laugh. Kelly says she loves the Clowns because they are fun. Reichen & Chip finally get to their detour as well and start moving the cheese around. The people on the street love it! Meanwhile, Kelly finds the clue in the poo and her team is off. Reichen & Chip are still transporting cheese and laughing while they are doing it. I like these guys. Why do so many people email me with how much they cheat and are lousy racers? I don’t get it. The last two teams get to the museum. Steve & Dave choose cheese while Dave & Jeff go for poo.