Last Comic Standing, Episode 5: Cha-Cha-Cha-Challenged

Welcome to Last Comic Standing, I am your host, Mike DeGeorge. Normally Dale Sherman takes you on our little romp through comedy wonderland. This week, Dale is concentrating on his upcoming vacation, so he’s moved over to the shotgun position and I have taken the wheel of our comedy caravan. Don’t worry, next week you’ll have Dale back and my bad cliches will die a painful death where they belong, in Dale’s email inbox.

The second “house” episode of Last Comic Standing (the fifth overall) starts with Tess’ Extra segment taping, the result of her winning last episode’s immunity challenge. Neither Dale nor I think much of Tess at this point (with myself ambivalent and Dale actively disliking her act) so we’ll make this quick: she shows the crew around the house and introduces everyone to the other comedians. We get excerpts from the others talking about how formidable an opponent Tess will be. Harumph. We shall see.

Discussion in the house turns to a new houseguest: a rat has been spotted in the kitchen. Dave immediately takes an active role in ridding the house of the rodent, seeing as he has become something of the house expert in ridding the house of fuzzy unwanted creatures. You see, since he defeated Sean last week and all… eh heh… yeah, it was funnier when Cory said it.

Anyway, Dave takes up a sentry position near the stove, baiting the rat with various food items while the others (mainly Rich, who is terrified of rats) laugh at his decided lack of success. All the while, Rich and Dave provide commentary of their rat hunt while… um… sharing a bubble bath. I have to give them credit, they’ve topped the disturbing imagery of Ralphie threatening to get naked last week, which I wasn’t sure any reality show would every accomplish. I mean, nothing against the homosexual lifestyle, but yeesh… Dave and Rich together is enough to turn gay men straight, I think. Disturbing, but a funny visual nonetheless.

Tere offers her unique method of rat-catching… scaring the rat back into hiding by screaming. That works about as well as you’d expect. Or perhaps her outfit scared the rat away. I’m wondering when they’ll break out the boot kicking over the bucket which rolls the ball down the ramp, causing the man to dive into the tub… (yeah, like, three people are gonna get that one -- here’s a hint).

Dave finally does catch the rat, and now the question is… what do they do with it? My first guess would be fireworks, but Dave opts for trying to give the rat to Dat as a birthday present. Dat doesn’t seem adequately impressed by the generous offer, so Dave opts for the next best thing – he walks down to the neighbor’s house and releases the rat in their yard.

I’m starting to understand exactly WHY Dave lives on a large farm all by himself.

The alarm on the fortuneteller’s booth goes off (now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d type), and it’s time for another immunity challenge. Rich (who has apparently been ironing the same pair of pants since they arrived at the house) is sure that if it involves leaving the house and talking, he’s going to stink at it.

The clue is “B.Y.O.A.” which Rob (hey, Rob’s in this episode!) figures out to mean “Bring Your Own Audience.” Rob explains to the viewers that, in the “scum bucket” level of comedy (his words), the comedians are responsible for passing out fliers and tickets to their own shows.

It sounds easy, but having helped a comedian friend of mine do this once, I can tell you that it is NOT. I assumed that people would at least take the tickets just to be polite, but no. They would come up with laundry lists of excuses why they can’t come, and actively refuse to take a ticket “for a friend” or even “just in case.” It was a horrible experience that compared with the hell of a shy high school kid trying to find a date for the prom, asking and asking and meeting rejection after rejection…

Umm… not that I ever had trouble finding a date to the prom. I mean theoretically, of course. I always had the best dates for… ah, crap… nevermind.

Getting back to the show, Jay enters the house and confirms Rob’s theory. They will have to go to Venice Beach and give out tickets to a free comedy show that night. Each comedian’s tickets will be color-coded, and the one who has the most people show up at the theater is exempt from the next head-to-head showdown.

For the next few minutes, we are treated to various contestants trying to convince various passers-by to take their tickets. Ralphie tries telling homeless people that they’ll get a free meal if they go. Geoff tells one couple that if they go, he’ll help them get their script greenlighted when he wins. Rich all but gives up, deciding to hand his tickets out to hot women in the hopes he’ll be able to look at them in the crowd later that night. In a dying cause, I think Rich has found the way to go. My girlfriend asks if they are allowed to tell people that it’s a contest, a question to which I could find no answer.

In the end, Tess scores her second straight victory with a whopping FIVE audience members. It’s even more impressive when you realize that only eleven people total showed up. I have to wonder if she promised people she would leave them alone and stop talking to them if they promised to come to the show. Yes, I’m coming around to Dale’s point of view as it relates to Tess.