The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 14: Kelly’s Latest Hit

A surprisingly good episode of The Osbournes to recap this week, but first we will turn to some news about forlorn daughter Aimee. It was announced late last week that Aimee Osbourne be appearing in an MTV adaptation of the classic novel, Wuthering Heights. There is no mention of what part she will be playing, nor if she’ll drag your soul away.

Heh. Small Kate Bush joke there. Sorry.

Anyway, we’ll keep readers up to date as more details are announced. No idea if they will only do the popular first part of the novel, or a full-fledged adaptation of the complete story. Either way, best of luck to Aimee there and I’m sure everyone hopes that it will lead to better things.

The episode’s title is “Fists of Fury,” and starts with Ozzy going through the trash in the kitchen. He finds an inflated balloon in the garbage and wants to know who would “put a [bleeping] balloon in the trash can?” He pops the balloon and then moves on.

After the opening credits, Sharon is once again getting made up by a group of people. She seems to be spending a lot of time doing this activity during the past two seasons. Anyway, Sharon talks about her and Ozzy’s trip to Maui coming up. They will be going for four days and it will be a chance for her to relax. Unfortunately, she can’t stop thinking that they’ll end up with hurricanes whipping through Hawaii while they are there. In a sense, she’s half-right. The storms ARE forthcoming. The only difference is that they’re going to be in the household and not where Sharon and Ozzy are staying.

The camera cuts to Ozzy and Jack watching Kelly stop a dog-fight. As she moves through the room, Ozzy tells Jack that he needs to stick to the 11:00 curfew. Jack isn’t really paying attention. He thinks it means he has to be home by 11:00. Ozzy says that he could stay out as late as he wants to, but he doesn’t want Jack bringing home people after 11:00 at night. Or, as Ozzy puts it, “You can stay out later than 11:00, but when you do come home, don’t bring [bleeping] half of the rainbow with you.” Jack acknowledges the comment, but it is obvious that he didn’t really hear it.

After the lecture, Sharon and Ozzy are seen getting ready for their trip. Sharon prepares by having Tony help her find a large black bag she owns. They find many others, including one that she didn’t even remember having before, but not the one she wants. Meanwhile, Ozzy get helps packing but he’s not sure what clothes are his or Sharon’s.

Intercut with all this is Jack on the phone calling several people. He immediately shows that he is being brainless by telling people while on-camera that:

• He’s going to have a party.
• His parents don’t care what they do.
• There is no curfew.
• Nudity is required.

With a distant storm rising, Kelly and Robert go to see Sharon. Kelly tries to warn Sharon that Jack is planning on getting drunk and having a bunch of people over. Sharon tells her to be cautious about crossing Jack because he is going through a difficult time. She also mentions that David and Melinda will be there to supervise if anything happens. Kelly tells Sharon straight out that if Jack gets drunk, “he’s going to get the [bleep] kicked out of him.”

As they get ready to leave, Sharon is worried. Jack assures her that nothing will happen. Kelly tries to be comforting as well, while Sharon tells Melinda to keep Jack and Kelly apart. We next see Sharon and Ozzy on their plane to Maui. As the plane taxies down the runway, Ozzy begins freaking out. He decides he doesn’t want to go to Maui, but Sharon tries to calm him.

And speaking of calm, there is certainly no calm at the house when the party arrives. Robert and Jack are blotto and everyone else is just drunk and stupid. As the party continues past two in the morning, Kelly tells David and Melinda that Jack has to be stopped. Kelly states that she is supposed to get up early to do an interview and she is worried that she will be a zombie for the interview if they keep her awake much longer.

Kelly is not the only one unhappy with the party. Both David and Melinda are not happy with the ever-increasing number of “[bleeping] losers and [bleep]-wits” (as Melinda calls them all) that are parading through the house and jumping in the pool. Both David and Melinda tell the losers . . . er . . . partygoers to shut up numerous times. When Jack tells Melinda to shut up, it’s the final straw for Kelly.

Kelly stomps out of the house only to stop briefly to tell someone that the only reason that people are here is that they want to “come to Ozzy’s house, not to be with [Jack].” Kelly has a point, and it is another reason why everyone else that actually belongs in the house is not happy to see the convention of people running around loose there.

Jack, too drunk to carry on a proper conversation, still tries to confront Kelly by telling her he doesn’t care if she’s not happy about the party. He then tells Kelly to hit him. Granting his wish, Kelly clobbers him in the face.

Jack then loses it completely and begins strangling Kelly. Several people have to pull Jack off of Kelly and then drag an angry Kelly away. During this intense scene of violence, a braindead girl keeps trying to get Jack’s attention so that he’ll know she will call him tomorrow.